Cliche Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I think I mentioned that I knew I'd have to see exMM because there is no way to avoid each other in the occupation we're in. Well, I ended up running into him yesterday during the day. I actually just said "hi, I hope you're well" and then I walked away. Well, he came after me. I wish he would've been mean or told me how crazy I was. Frankly, part of the way I was staying strong was by telling myself that he was telling his friends and family about how I was just a nutcase. It made it easier to think that he could easily blame me. Instead he told me that he was floored during our fight/break-up last week, and he had to think about it for a while, and that he was a dumb man and had absolutely no idea how hurt I was. He said he thought I knew that this was just temporary and that I wasn't having any major problems with just waiting this out. Why he thought this, I don't know. I told him I cannot be an OW. I said that I want to keep a shred of self-esteem and I don't want to hurt me or hurt his wife anymore. I told him I just can't do it. The pain needs to stop. He told me that he has consistently told me he's moving out in June and he will be moving out in June (ftr, he has said this, but his language, imo, is always wishy washy..."shouldn't be a problem," "I think," etc.). I told him again that I can't be an OW. He said he misses his best friend (me) more than anything, and he's okay if we don't have sex until June when he moves out, but he wants our friendship. He told me he was sorry, he cried, he told me he'd move mountains for me, I could meet the rest of his family now, he wants to grow old with me, all the right stuff. Dammit, there is that part of me that wants to believe him. But there is that other part that says he's just looking for an in anyway he can get it. I asked him why he couldn't just file now...I mean, she couldn't kick him out. He said she has a mean streak, she's destroyed his stuff before, and she'd make it impossible for him. He said he only needs until June. Guys, I'm trying so hard to be strong. SO HARD. His talk is so perfect. I don't know how to make sure he walks the walk. Again, total NC is impossible in our position. What do I do? Do I just try to keep it as casual as possible? How do I kill this hope? That's what hurts more than anything, the dang hope. I want it gone. I just want to give up. F'ing men.
sapphire0903 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 If you really dont want back on the roller coaster, dont get on. You have to walk the walk if you dont want to be his OW. I know it is difficult to tell him no, (been there doing that). However, it is more about what YOU want, not him. Maybe tell him, when he is out of their home, you will resume a relationship with him. (??) but not till then. Only when he is available to you You deserve that dont you? I have tried just being friends, but when there is so much attraction, it never ends up how you have intended.
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Actions speak louder than words, so if his actions meet his words in June, take it from there...But until then, cut him out of your life. He isn't worthy of ANY sort of friendship from you. At work, keep it professional and DO NOT ask him how he is, or make any small chit chat with him. You cannot be casual friends with him, it will only create problems and hurt you. Let alone, prevent him from changing his ways, IF he actually intends on leaving in June. Stay strong and stand your ground.
NearlyThere Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Hi Cliche, Well if I was you, which obviously i'm not, lol, I think I would do the following. You have already done the hard part and broken it off with him, although this is hard as you see him because of work and you really dont want to get back to where you were before hand. You know, its only about 44 days until the beginning of June and 75 until the end, if by then he has followed through and done what he has said he is going to do and proves it to you, then maybe you can establish a relationship again in the way that you want, until day 75 say you can talk to him, but you still have no intention of being his OW again and make sure you do'nt put yourself in the position of him being able to convince you otherwise, easier said than done, eh. If after day 75 and nothing has changed then tell him, that you are moving on with your life, no hard feelings etc and mean it, give him no other movable moving out date etc. Tell him, this is the one and only chance that you will give him. Be strong and Good Luck to you, I know its not easy. NT
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