MustangGuy Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Hey guys I have a quick question and need your advice for my relationship. I met my girlfriend through an online dating site, we've been in a relationship for about 4 months now, I'm 20 (going on 26 lol) and my girlfriend is 25. So far everything is great and we haven't had any problems, I know its only been 4 months but I have truly fallen in love with this girl and we both say I love you too each other. But here's my question, today my girlfriend told me that she applied for a job on the other side of the state, which is about 1.5 hours from where we are. (we live in florida so the state isn't that big across) We both work currently right next to each other and live 15 minutes from each other. So I asked her if she got the job, are you going to drive all the way over there everyday, to which she answered, no I would move there. So my question is, I'm wondering what this all means, She knows I work and live where were are now and can't leave my job, so what does it mean in our relationship that she wants to apply and maybe take a job where she has to move away from our area? I really love this girl and wanted to see about moving in together with her later this year.I hope that everything in our relationship goes well so that we can have a promising future together. If you guys can give me any advice as to what a move like this means I would greately appreciatte it. thank you for reading
Green Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 theres nothing you can do really. 1.5 hours isnt a deal breaker... its going to stink... but you can still see her every weekend.
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 My old commutes to and from work were sometimes over 1.5 hours so it's not even an LDR situation, as far as I'm concerned.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 my boyfriend and i live 1.5 hours away from each other and just see each other on the weekends. we have been doing that for the last 8 months and everything has been fine. yeah u arent going to see each other during the week, but believe me being with ur SO makes ur weekend so wonderful. if u really love each other u can manage.
Guest Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I'm just wondering since we've talked a bit about moving in together in the next few months since her lease is up with her roommate in august and knowing my situation with work and not being able to leave, I'm wondering if she's questioning where our relationship is going? Am I just looking too deep into the situation? I've been hurt a couple of times in the past and have been told "I love you" straight to my face only to find out later on that it was a complete lie the whole time, I've also been cheated on before and grew up in a household filled with mom getting cheated on a bunch of times.
Author MustangGuy Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 I'm just wondering since we've talked a bit about moving in together in the next few months since her lease is up with her roommate in august and knowing my situation with work and not being able to leave, I'm wondering if she's questioning where our relationship is going? Am I just looking too deep into the situation? I've been hurt a couple of times in the past and have been told "I love you" straight to my face only to find out later on that it was a complete lie the whole time, I've also been cheated on before and grew up in a household filled with mom getting cheated on a bunch of times
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Why don't the two of you find a place somewhere in the middle of Florida? This way you each commute 45 minutes. Not much to give up in the name of love, is it?
Author MustangGuy Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 well that is something I was planning to do if the situation does arise,I mean even if they offer her the job she still deosn't know if she will take it. I just don't want to lose a relationship over something like this, especially with her, I've never met anyone like her before and is the perfect girl for me. And LDR's aren't an easy task, could she maybe be testing me to see how I react towards this type of situation? I just want to be sure that She loves me and wants to have a serious relationship that could develop into more as time goes on (possibly marriage). Should I bring this subject up with her or just wait and see until she hears back from the employer and starts to seriuosly think about this career?
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 You've now thought out what you're willing to do if she gets the job. I would only broach it when the job becomes a reality. Why stress your relationship beforehand, especially for something that might not happen?
Author MustangGuy Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Yeah That's a good point, I'll just wait to see then what happens. Do you guys think she maybe testing me? Do you think her deciding to take a job somewhere else where she would need to move means anything about how she feels towards me?
Lauriebell82 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 well that is something I was planning to do if the situation does arise,I mean even if they offer her the job she still deosn't know if she will take it. I just don't want to lose a relationship over something like this, especially with her, I've never met anyone like her before and is the perfect girl for me. And LDR's aren't an easy task, could she maybe be testing me to see how I react towards this type of situation? I just want to be sure that She loves me and wants to have a serious relationship that could develop into more as time goes on (possibly marriage). Should I bring this subject up with her or just wait and see until she hears back from the employer and starts to seriuosly think about this career? just wait for her to tell u she actually got the job. then discuss it. i doubt she's "testing" you thats kind of stupid. she may very well be interested in the job. if she gets offered it then u can discuss what may happen. u cant stand it her way though. i mean honestly its still early in ur relationship, u dont know everything about each other so making tons of plans for the future at such an early stage in ur relationship is not the best idea, esp. if she's going to move. just address the situation when it comes up, and honestly i would take things step at a time. she honestly may not be thinking about ur future or how this would effect ur relationship. my advice is to just relax and let things happen naturally.
Author MustangGuy Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 well I just don't know what to do, I mean I fear that she may not care for me as much as I care for her because she applied for this job, and even thought about this new career choice. I know that to many of you we are still very early in our relationship, but I can honestly tell you that I've really fallen for this girl and wish I could just jump forward a year or two in our relationship. I want nothing more than to get to know her more, eventually move in together and eventually get married to her if all goes well. I've been hurt alot in the past, I've always been the "nice guy" and have always had my heart broken. All I want is to find one woman who will love and care for me the way that I would for her and just grow old together. I've never had a long relationship before, and I find myself falling for her more and more as the days, weeks, and months go by. Just the thought of us breaking up brings tears to my eyes. I want to ask her were we would be heading if she decided to take the job but I fear that it could bring tension into the relationship. But I also fear that if I wait and then a year goes by and she decides to take this job that I will just end up getting hurt again. what do you guys suggest I do, this is killing me on the inside. thanks for all the help I really appreciate it.
fallendisguise Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I think if it bothers you that much, then maybe you should just talk to her about it now instead of torchering yourself. BUT, do not talk about it in a way that is making concrete plans for what you two are going to do about it when the times come. Casually talk about it. Maybe ask her if she's heard anything and then say something about how it's going to seem like you two aren't going to spend as much time together and see what she says. That should tell you if she's open to the two of you living in the middle or doing the weekend thing or whatever other possibilities you may have. I'm pretty sure you realize that if she does move the two of you can make it work. I just think you may be reading too much into and causing yourself to worry more than you should. I think this is more of you wanting to know where she thinks the relationship is headed. Maybe she hasn't said anything about how the two of you would work it out because she is unsure of where you see it heading and not because she's testing you.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 well I just don't know what to do, I mean I fear that she may not care for me as much as I care for her because she applied for this job, and even thought about this new career choice. I know that to many of you we are still very early in our relationship, but I can honestly tell you that I've really fallen for this girl and wish I could just jump forward a year or two in our relationship. I want nothing more than to get to know her more, eventually move in together and eventually get married to her if all goes well. I've been hurt alot in the past, I've always been the "nice guy" and have always had my heart broken. All I want is to find one woman who will love and care for me the way that I would for her and just grow old together. I've never had a long relationship before, and I find myself falling for her more and more as the days, weeks, and months go by. Just the thought of us breaking up brings tears to my eyes. I want to ask her were we would be heading if she decided to take the job but I fear that it could bring tension into the relationship. But I also fear that if I wait and then a year goes by and she decides to take this job that I will just end up getting hurt again. what do you guys suggest I do, this is killing me on the inside. thanks for all the help I really appreciate it. and she may not be thinking this way. not to sound cynical, but honestly u need to keep getting to know each other. someone told me before on these forums that unless u can name 3 annoying things about ur partner, ur still in the honeymood phase. u seriously do need to slow down though. ur gf may be sensing that ur getting ahead of urself so she may have applied for the job just to keep her options open. she may feel smothered or overwhelmed. she may not be "as sure" of ur relationship as u are. like i said the best course of action is to wait and see if this becomes a reality. she'll discuss it with u and then u'll have ur say. i think fallendisguise is right, it sounds like ur using the job thing as an excuse to talk about ur future and she may not be ready for that talk.
tanbark813 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 well I just don't know what to do You can start by asking her what her intentions are concerning the relationship if she gets the job.
Trialbyfire Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 MG, you're still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Relax, enjoy your time together. Getting a job elsewhere doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you. She will only be 1.5 hours away. This isn't an insurmountable distance. At her age, if she's career oriented, it's good to seek out better job opportunities where ever you can get them. For that matter, she hasn't even gotten it. Stop stressing about it until it becomes a reality.
Author MustangGuy Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 ok guys, I know you guys have been telling me not to say anything to my girlfriend about her applying for that new job, but I've been thinking about the whole situation and it just keeps bugging me. I want my girlfriend to be in my life and I feel that I should be in her life as well since were in a relationship. I was kinda taken aback that she didn't even mention to me that she was thinking of applyingfor the job, not even a"oh I'm thinking of applying for this job, what do you think?" or anything like that. I know that this job may not even be a reality but If I was thinking of applying for a job almost 2 hours away I would definately ask her what she thought about that before I even applied for it. I know were early in our relationship still but I've always fallen for a girl really quick especially this one, I compare her to my previous relationships and the others don't even come close. I feel like I should ask what would happen to us if she decided to take the job? Is it ok to ask your SO what they think about the relationship and where its going and where they want to see it go?
tanbark813 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Is it ok to ask your SO what they think about the relationship and where its going and where they want to see it go? No, dude, you should never communicate with your SO on important matters regarding the future existence of your relationship. You should ONLY talk about the weather and bunnies. All other topics of conversation should be met with sticking your fingers in your ears and saying "LALALALALALALALALALA".
Author MustangGuy Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 ok...ok...as stupid as it sounds, I'm just afraid that talking about something like that may scare her away. I don't want her to think I'm going to ask her to marry me tomorrow or anything lol. It just bothers me that my girlfriend applied for a job that is 2 hours away and didn't even ask me what I thought about it?
tanbark813 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 ok...ok...as stupid as it sounds, I'm just afraid that talking about something like that may scare her away. I don't want her to think I'm going to ask her to marry me tomorrow or anything lol. It just bothers me that my girlfriend applied for a job that is 2 hours away and didn't even ask me what I thought about it? If you're dramatic or make a big deal out of it she might get scared off, but if you just bring it up matter-of-factly as something that concerns you I don't see why it should freak her out. If it does freak her out, then that's an answer in and of itself. If it bothers you so much then just say something. If she's a decent chick and into the relationship as much as it sounds like you are, then she shouldn't have a problem discussing it. Don't sacrifice your own happiness just because you're worried about how some girl might react.
melodymatters Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 No, dude, you should never communicate with your SO on important matters regarding the future existence of your relationship. You should ONLY talk about the weather and bunnies. All other topics of conversation should be met with sticking your fingers in your ears and saying "LALALALALALALALALALA". ...............i think this is my favoritest LS quote ever ...I owe you........
tanbark813 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 ...............i think this is my favoritest LS quote ever ...I owe you........ Thanks, I do what I can.
Author MustangGuy Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 From a womans perspective....Ladies, What do you suggest I do?
Lauriebell82 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 From a womans perspective....Ladies, What do you suggest I do? u may not like what i have to say. i have told u this before, i think she may be trying to keep her options open. u seem soooooo sure about ur relationship, and chances are she's not as sure as u are if she's considering a job where she may have to move. if u really would like to know the "status" of her job and its driving u that crazy then u should maybe CASUALLY ask her if she has heard anything about her job yet. and like everyone else has said, its not the end of the world if she does take the job! doesnt mean ur going to break up, doesnt mean she is going to not want to be with u anymore. maybe its a great opportunity for her to be successful. dont u want that for ur gf? if u love this girl as much as u say u do, then u should be supportive of whatever it is she wants to do with her life. ur turning this little thing into a mass paranoia that she doesnt love u or doesnt want to be with u. from a girl's perspective..i would be really pissed off if my bf voiced concerns about what is going to happen to our relationship if i took a job..even before i got the job!!! like i said ask her the "status" if ur that curious but worry about it if she gets/takes the job. sounds like ur being paranoid, i mean we all do get paranoid in relationships, but give ur relationship another 4-5 months and i guarentee u'll be on here bitching about something ur gf is doing.
Author MustangGuy Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Maybe I am being paranoid, maybe I'm not. I personally wouldn't get upset if my girlfriend asked me were would we stand if i took a job somewhere else and was a couple of hours away. I Love her so I would reassure her that she has nothing to worry about and we will be ok. I think if someone is truly in love with another this is how they would react. I don't see the point in gettig upset about something like that. I've invested alot of time,money,effort, but most of all my heart in this relationship, regardless of how short of a time we've been together I feel I deserve a true and honest answer. My biggest fear is that I'm being lied to again, I mean we both say I love you to each other, she even called me one day after she got out of work and left me a message just to tell me that she Loves me. So ofcourse I've based alot of my feelings off of her actions. She was the first one to call me Babe and was the first one to switch her status on myspace to in a relationship. So I decided to tell her after 2 months of dating that I love her by having I love you engraved on the back of a tiffany's necklace. If she would have told me that she wasn't ready for that stage in our relationship or didn't tell me I love you as often as I've heard it then I would understand more her reasoning for applying for a job 2 hours away. Does any of this seem suspicious to anyone? that she would do this? And would i be in the wrong to ask where does she see us going or is she happy where we are in our relationship right now?
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