VirtualInsanity Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Spin off from "Girls & Ex's" has me thinking. Why be friends w/ EX's? What's done is done. I've never wanted anything to do w/ them. There an ex for a reason. I understand why some do & I believe it has to do w/ not letting go but other than that, can't think of a reason to have contact. I've read lots of threads of "EX" getting in the way & from my view, the way to go is to shut the door & and move on w/out them.
climbergirl Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Spin off from "Girls & Ex's" has me thinking. Why be friends w/ EX's? What's done is done. I've never wanted anything to do w/ them. There an ex for a reason. I understand why some do & I believe it has to do w/ not letting go but other than that, can't think of a reason to have contact. I've read lots of threads of "EX" getting in the way & from my view, the way to go is to shut the door & and move on w/out them. Most, if not all, of my relationships started as friendships. The friendship part stuck, but not the romantic aspect. Maturity allows you to recognize that you may love a person, but not necessarily be 'in love' with someone. Friendship is very possible if both come to that understanding.
Pyro Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Most, if not all, of my relationships started as friendships. The friendship part stuck, but not the romantic aspect. Maturity allows you to recognize that you may love a person, but not necessarily be 'in love' with someone. Friendship is very possible if both come to that understanding. This is true but very few can agree to that. Usually one of the two wants something more.
IpAncA Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Yes it's better off if you cut your ties with ex's. There is no point in keeping them around IMO.
Pyro Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Yes it's better off if you cut your ties with ex's. There is no point in keeping them around IMO. I tried it and it didn't work, so I agree with you, but some couples can manage a friendship after a break-up if like CG said, a real close bond/friendship developed before the relationship did.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 This is true but very few can agree to that. Usually one of the two wants something more. Well, one ex is my boyfriend when I was 18 (20+ years ago) and he's had numerous girlfriends since then. 2 very serious gf's in fact-one is a current gf. We are still best friends. Another from 10 years ago and he is one of my closest friends. And I do consider my daughters' father a very good friend. He thinks what's good for me is good for her, also. It really depends on the circumstances and I do think age/maturity is a factor.
Pyro Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Well, one ex is my boyfriend when I was 18 (20+ years ago) and he's had numerous girlfriends since then. 2 very serious gf's in fact-one is a current gf. We are still best friends. Another from 10 years ago and he is one of my closest friends. And I do consider my daughters' father a very good friend. He thinks what's good for me is good for her, also. It really depends on the circumstances and I do think age/maturity is a factor. It does depend and you are one of the few. I would love to be friends with a green bush.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 It does depend and you are one of the few. I would love to be friends with a green bush. Green bush, Rid?? WTF is that? Does that mean I'm not ripe yet? All I'm saying is that with some relationships (definately not all!), you realize that your friendship is more valuable and fulfilling than the romantic relationship.
Pyro Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Green bush, Rid?? WTF is that? Does that mean I'm not ripe yet? All I'm saying is that with some relationships (definately not all!), you realize that your friendship is more valuable and fulfilling than the romantic relationship. I was referring to the avatar. I like that better then the chef. I agree with the second paragraph.
IpAncA Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Okay okay I give in, "sometimes" it can work. Call me insecure, jealous, selfish whatever, BUT I don't want my guy being all friend like with someone he use to screw/date. I don't want him hanging around them. Sorry but as I've said many times, I don't share and I don't want some EX in the picture.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I was referring to the avatar. I like that better then the chef. I agree with the second paragraph. :lmao: !! Oh God..... In my defense, I only got 80% on the 5th grade test. BTW-Sigmund Rocks! But can't understand him, either!
Pyro Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 :lmao: !! Oh God..... In my defense, I only got 80% on the 5th grade test. BTW-Sigmund Rocks! But can't understand him, either! Are you a natural blonde?
justagirlforever Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Most, if not all, of my relationships started as friendships. The friendship part stuck, but not the romantic aspect. Maturity allows you to recognize that you may love a person, but not necessarily be 'in love' with someone. Friendship is very possible if both come to that understanding. I completely agree. It does depend on the circumstances though. I had one ex who stalked me for nearly a year despite cutting off all contact - my mistake to think he could see us as just friends. It didn't work. But two of my other ex's I'm still friends with. The most recent one surprised me greatly - because it shocked me in a way to see how quickly after the actual final break-up we were both able to move onto pure, plain and simple friendship. Zero, zilch, zip negative feelings on any level left. But perhaps it was a long time coming, don't know. Anyhow, ex friendships works for me and that's fine. I have absolutely no difficulty in moving on (once over the grief & heartache and coming to terms with it) and letting go of the past. It has nothing to do with that. It depends on what the relationship was like and why it broke up. I'd have great difficulty in easily forgiving someone who cheated on me and/or hooked up with someone else within days of our breakup. If it was a case of " things just didn't work out" - it's very different and also a lot easier. So, whatever works under the circumstances. Whether it's easier to close the door and walk away never to look back, or remain friends.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Okay okay I give in, "sometimes" it can work. Call me insecure, jealous, selfish whatever, BUT I don't want my guy being all friend like with someone he use to screw/date. I don't want him hanging around them. Sorry but as I've said many times, I don't share and I don't want some EX in the picture. Well, I understand that. That ex....the first one and the one I've been friends with since I was 16--for a year I couldn't speak to him because his girlfriend wouldn't allow it. He wasn't even 'allowed' to tell me his mother died. But, you know what, I wanted him to be happy. I didn't agree with the decision, but I certainly wasn't going to do anything to jeapordize his relationship. And I knew he had to do what he did to make it work with her. But I understood.
Pyro Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 :lmao: !! Oh God..... In my defense, I only got 80% on the 5th grade test. BTW-Sigmund Rocks! But can't understand him, either! I had to look that up. That was a little before my time. You should be big daddy ooze. Alright, back on topic.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Are you a natural blonde? Oh, I wish I had that to fall back on! Nope. Pigmentation has nothing to do with it! (j/k all you natural blondes;) )
IpAncA Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 He wasn't even 'allowed' to tell me his mother died. That's rather harsh.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 That's rather harsh. I know. We still talk about it, but I know it was a difficult situation for him. They haven't been together for 3 years now, and he still apologizes for cutting me off. His mom was quite the character. I wish I could have paid my respects, but I don't have to be 'present' to do that. So that makes me feel 'ok'.
polywog Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I've stayed friends with almost all my exes, if they'd let me. And I don't mind if my SOs stay friends with their exes. I guess that's because I've liked all the men that I've loved. And their exes have a lot in common with me, so I like them! Anyhow, my exes are an important part of my past so it's hard for me to not want to keep some connection. And I guess it helps that I'm not a particularly jealous person.
norajane Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 And I guess it helps that I'm not a particularly jealous person. It probably also helps that you've never been cheated on with an ex. Those of us who have are less tolerant and understanding.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 It probably also helps that you've never been cheated on with an ex. Those of us who have are less tolerant and understanding. Very true. That in and of itself shows total lack of respect. Which negates a friendship of any kind.
polywog Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 It probably also helps that you've never been cheated on with an ex. Those of us who have are less tolerant and understanding. Well, interestingly enough, my ex H is the one ex that would not stay friends with me. And I just found out this weekend (from a woman who was friends with the OW) that he was cheating on me (which I suspected). This was over 10 years ago. He obviously avoided being friends with me because of guilt, and now, frankly, I don't care that he is not my friend. So I am not the blissfully serene person I appear to be! Which you reminded me about!
norajane Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Very true. That in and of itself shows total lack of respect. Which negates a friendship of any kind. I think understand what you mean - someone who cheats on you isn't someone you should remain friends with. Totally agree. I meant it from the other end, though. If your bf/gf ever cheated on you with one of their exes, it's much harder to accept your new bf/gf having a friendship with an ex. You always have to wonder if they're going to one day cheat on you with their ex because you've been burned in that way before. Even if their friendship is totally innocent and harmless, you can't help but be suspicious and jealous and concerned.
IpAncA Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Well I'll come out and say I'm jealous and selflish on this whole "friends" thing. I never would go as far as to say they could never say hi if they seen them in the street. But as far as hanging out and calling um...I draw the line there.
climbergirl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I think understand what you mean - someone who cheats on you isn't someone you should remain friends with. Totally agree. I meant it from the other end, though. If your bf/gf ever cheated on you with one of their exes, it's much harder to accept your new bf/gf having a friendship with an ex. You always have to wonder if they're going to one day cheat on you with their ex because you've been burned in that way before. Even if their friendship is totally innocent and harmless, you can't help but be suspicious and jealous and concerned. Ok, got it. Yeah, that would make me paranoid.
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