sweetbutcheeky Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I am curious to read what people say before I get into why I am asking. What do you think? Is there ever a good excuse to be late for a date? never mind more than once.
nicki Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Yeah, traffic, late meeting, stuff like that. I understand. Just call if you are going to be more than 5 minutes late. It's polite. And I like polite guys. Without a call, I'd probably wait 20 minutes before getting up to leave.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 I am curious to read what people say before I get into why I am asking. What do you think? Is there ever a good excuse to be late for a date? never mind more than once. To add to the above: I mean more than 5-10 mins. Also what if it happens more than once?
serial muse Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 How late are we talking here? I'm habitually late (bad bad habit) but usually not more than 10 mins. If I'm ever later there was usually either some major snafu or I was procrastinating because I didn't really want to go. If it happens more than once, the snafu excuse is probably unlikely.
My Fair Katie Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Also what if it happens more than once? Then it's habitual lateness. I have very low tolerance for that. My time is just as valuable as my hypothetical date's, I if I can be respectful enough of him to show up in a timely fashion, he can respectful enough of me.
nicki Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 If someone if 5-10 minutes late and calls within that time, I'd wait half an hour to an hour for them. Without a phone call, 20 minutes then I'd be gone forever. If it happened more than once, I would call the person on it. 5 to 10 minutes late all the time is not that big of a deal. I'll just show up 10 minutes late. I actually did that with an ex boyfriend all the time. He showed up on time once and called ME, asking ME why I was late. I gently reminded him that he was the one who was always 10 minutes late so I didn't see why I should get there any earlier than that. But, habitually 1/2 hour late? No thanks. Don't waste my time. I won't play with you anymore.
Trimmer Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I think it's all directly proportional to how soon the latecomer calls. Let's face it, usually somewhat before, but certainly by the exact time of the date, you know that you are going to be late, so there's little reason to wait 10 minutes after the scheduled time to make the call. If you call before or right at the date time (with some kind of non-lame excuse), it shows that you are doing your best, and even with something interfering, you are keeping him/her high in your priorities. If the call comes in 10 minutes after date time, I'd wonder why you hadn't called at least a little earlier. That sends a message that I'm not tops on your priority list, which by the hour and minute of the date, I should be. If there's no call by, say, 20 min or more late - it just gets worse and worse from here. Now if you have some kind of career or something that causes this thing more than once (a doctor on call, or something like that) then you need to build that into the expectations - we'll do our best to have dinner at 6 pm, but if I'm going to be tied up I'll get a message to you by 5:40 or something like that... Someone like that whose life includes unexpected interruptions or delays is not necessarily a problem.... unless they can't learn to plan for it and adapt to it somehow. Now that you've heard some opinions, will you describe your situation? Are you the latecomer, or the one waiting for someone who was late?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 On my way out and will describe my situation when I get back ... Not sure how much time I have, I am waiting on my date ... lol
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Ok this is why I ask. Yesterday I was sitting waiting for him to get here and was getting annoyed so decided to post the question. I admit I am not perfect, I may be late 5 min here or there but for a date I make sure I am there on time. And lately he hasn't but each time there seems to be a reason that makes sense but is starting to annoy me because I am talking about more than a half hour. For example we were supposed to meet for a movie, I told him what time it started and that I would meet him at Chapters then we would walk to the theater. I get there and call him to let him know I was there, no answer. I walk around and pick up something for a friend then try him again and I can't get a hold of him but not sure what to do cause he was my way home. Long story short 2 hours later he calls, was asleep and his phone was in the car. He thought he would have gotten a call that would have woken him up, which never happened cause his phone was in the car. (While waiting I was also thinking he over slept cause that was when we turned the clocks back the night before) So that was 2 hours plus the time for him to get there after calling. Example 2 , two Mondays ago he was going to give me a tour of the area I just moved to because he actually strangely enough use to live in the same building. I give him a call to see if we are still on he says yes and will call me back when he is leaving. 2 hours go by so I call back and he says he is leaving at 5 go obviously I have gotten ready and am waiting for him to arrive. I wait ... he doesn't get there until 8! I ask him what happened? He said he was waiting for the bus and it was taking forever and his friend drive by and ask him if he wanted a ride to the subway which obviously he did but he said only if he helped him with something first. He said ok as long as it was quick ... he got stuck there before he got the ride to the subway. (Didn't call me to let me know what was taking so long!) Which brings me to yesterday. I wasn't working and my room mate was going to be at work so the apartment was free so I wanted him to come over. The night before he said he was going to his mum's first thing then would be over to see me after. I asked if he had an idea what time he would be done, he said hoped to be by 1 and she only lives a 10 min walk from me. Anyway so I hadn't heard from him (this is when I posted the question here) and had given up on seeing him. So I get a call from him at 20 to 6. Telling me how he ran into an old friend he hadn't seen in 10 years and they got talking and he may have got a new job of it, which delayed him getting to his mum's, which threw off his schedule. (was hard to be happy for him about the job thing cause I was very annoyed by that point!) When he called he was leaving to run and pay his cell bill which was maybe 20 min walk from his mum's then was coming over. 2 hours later he calls and says he just left and he walking to my place. (hmm 2 hours, 20 min walk? So didn't end up getting here until after 8 and room mate was home and everything was closed. Thing is there always seems to be a reason and not really his fault. But I have been waiting hours and he doesn't call to let me know what is happening! Happens once well annoying, but it happens more than that and now I am getting more than annoyed. But when he gets here I don't feel like fighting and just enjoy the time we have left. (But I do ask why he didn't call, yesterday his cell was down which is why he was paying it, the other time it was in his bag he left in the car)
nicki Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 That's bullsh#t. He is clearly disrespecting you by not calling if he HAS to be late or honoring the times/dates you have made. Being late is one thing. What you are talking about is another. He has you on hold for whenever it is convenient for HIM. He isn't even trying to make it up to you, just assuming you are ready and willing when gets around to you. Your mistake is being available at 8 when he finally gets his a$$ over to your house. You need to stop doing that. If he can't make it on time, tell him that you will get together ANOTHER time. Turn this around. Don't wait around for him. If he tries to come over hours after you have scheduled time together, tell him you are busy. Don't be available. You are teaching him to disrespect you. If it were me, I'd never take his calls again. You are right to be pissed off about this.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 The examples I gave weren't all in a row, but that doesn't make it any better. Just gave me some time to cool down in between and forget about it for the time being. (woman never totally forget! lol) You know I had the same thought last night, that by mid afternoon I didn't really want to go out anymore cause I was pissed. But silly me I didn't want to say don't bother cause he was already in the area, if he was late and I had no idea where he was then I would have said don't bother I am busy later. Not that I was sitting there by the phone waiting but you make plans, are excited and expect someone to show when they say they will. Thing is I was stuck by not being able to get mad, cause really wanted to! Cause I couldn't say he was late because he said he "hoped he would be done by one" didn't say he would be heading here around one. But he didn't call at all when he knew he was going to be later and that's a big deal to me too. Oh and he had the nerve to say "see if you had come to my place we could have watched a movie!", which I corrected him with "we had my apartment all day which is why you were coming here!" And I rubbed it in a few other times during the night, actually he brought it up and left it open to the obvious, because he was so late!
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