givemeabreak Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I have been with my BF for 10 years now. He is 35 I am 40. He has 13 yo son I have a 13yo daughter. WE have lived as a family for the last 8 years. MY problem is that he has proven himself to be a liar. I have accepted not forgiven his "screw ups" as he likes to call them, in the past. HE knows how much it hurts me, and he hasn't been an A-hole for almost 2 years now, but last friday he apparently converted back to being one. HE has never (admitted) to an affair, and I have no proof. But it isn't the actual act of sex with someone else that I'm hurt about, it's the sneaking and lying. When he was younger he would just not come home from work, at all. No call nothing. HE did this frequently until I let him know I wouldn't stand for it. HE was really good for awhile, but would have occasional slip ups. I started trusted him again and started letting him, go to the corner bar, one block down to drink on friday's with his "BUDS". That lasted for about 6 months and now we are right back to square one. Last Friday, sometimes we go together, although I always feel he prefers me to stay at home, and that night I really didn't feel like staying out late. I let him know I wanted to go, and also let him know that sex that night depended on what time he managed to get his ass home. HE always tells me a time, but never can seem to get here. Well, he never came home, until 6 am. No call nothing. NOw in the past I found out he was at strip clubs, that was why i gave him the chioce stop all the crap, or get the hell out, period. Now all I get from him about Fri night is the same old BS I've heard before, met an old bud, went here, there, What ever. I want to kick this guy to the curb, but I have invested so much time and love, and not to mention the kids. His son's mother lost all rights to him, and Ive been his mother since he was 7. I really don't think he cheated but I just can't believe a liar. I either wish I could be happy as a doormat, or just learn not to care about it at all. I'm lost again, he's yanked the rug out from under me, and I'm going to go through all the hurt again. I'm just too old for this crap. How do you gals get over this stuff?? He's not big on words and just keeps his mouth shut until I come around. He'll be nice, attentive, put up with me being a real jerk to him, as he knows he deserves it, and will do the housework, what ever he has too, to get in my good graces again. Am I over reacting, or is it time to dump this little boy, who Ive been waiting to grow up for 10 years now.
michelangelo Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 It's that he's a liar, disrespects you, and is wasting time and money on things not healthy to your marriage. He's a grown man. thinking it is because he hasn't grown up gives him an out for his bad behavior.
norajane Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I'm lost again, he's yanked the rug out from under me, and I'm going to go through all the hurt again. I'm just too old for this crap. How do you gals get over this stuff?? He's not big on words and just keeps his mouth shut until I come around. He'll be nice, attentive, put up with me being a real jerk to him, as he knows he deserves it, and will do the housework, what ever he has too, to get in my good graces again. Am I over reacting, or is it time to dump this little boy, who Ive been waiting to grow up for 10 years now. Well, first we dump him. Then we grieve and get real mad at how they treated us. Then we move on. Eventually, we meet someone who respects us and gives to our relationship as much as he gets. You've waited for 10 years - it ain't gonna happen. This is who he is - he's grown into a man who is a jerk.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Peter Pan and Wendy are not real. He's had far more than his fair share of chances. Time to clean house and get on with your life.
Guest Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Girl let me tell you....I am going threw the EXACT samething with my old man. You are not over reacting honey. My man lie just to hear himself talk sometimes. I really think that something is mentally wrong with him, because he just lies about stupid ****. We have been together for 3 years now and it was the samething he would leave and stay gone for anywhere from 2-5 days no call no show at all. Drove my ass crazy, I know he has cheated, but you know when you cant put your finger on it you really dont want to act on it. And just like you said it isnt the fact that he cheated not to say that has a pain of its own its the lying and sneaking around **** that I cant stand and now it is kinda driving a wedge between us, because he keeps me in the dark about damn near everything he still likes to run the streets with his friends and I tried to be the girlfriend who wasnt so tight on their man and it has came back to bit me on the ass. I know how you feel girl you want to just let the **** go but you done invested so much time that it is hard, but honestly I am getting to the point were I dont care anymore because he isnt going to change. We are two different people, who live two different lives we just stay under the same roof.All I can tell you is you will know when you have reached your breaking point, when you feel like you dont care wheter or not you all are together you just want a piece of mind and that is what I want right now a piece of mind, I wish you the best of luck.
Author givemeabreak Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 I know that's what I must do If I'm to be loved the way I deserve. IT's just so hard to walk away from a life you have built. For all those who are, or are contemplating cheating/decieving your loved one, please know that you will/are robbing the person that loves you of thier past, (everything they ever felt, all the good times, destroyed, never to get back again), thier present ( all they can do is be comsumed by the horrible feeling they now have), and thier future (all the thoughts/planning, thier life ahead, what they wanted for you and your children, GONE). You will rob that person of themselves. Leaving them no choice but to move on, to look for who they can be again.
Guest Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I dont know exactly where to start, but I know plan "B" is out to screw me over. He and I have had our problems. But I know exactly what to look for in what 'he' derives from his essential other. When in fact, I 'signed' the 'papers', he was kind and tho very silent like a brick wall, he 'claimed' he would do what was 'right'. Now, I am on the look out. I will pursue my avenues to make my life 'right'. What I need to do at the mement is go and have a nice cold one at Not the end all get 'stung' but plan after I clean up his house @ 8:00 pm, Two For Tuesday is all I can afford! I am so discouraged and realize he was always w/his chick. She and he have been lovers or should I say in 'the waiting until I signed the papers. Now he hits w/words, shoes, and never did I expect his and his chic laugh together, of course, he pays all her bills ect. Wish I was tall so I coukld of seen how I have been shafted. I am at wits end. ANd don't call me honey, when I see the light, I will beck and call. Tonight is all I can do to keep from being the whXXX he calls me nightley and upon waking up. He is sneaky and smart. He also has beaten me into submission, denying all calls, th4reates, ecty. Help! Alls well that ends with ell.
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