nicki Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Some women will sleep with a guy right on the first or second date because she wants to skip to an instant relationship. Like the poster said, many women make up imaginary relationships based on having sex with a guy. Bad reason to do it. Some women will sleep with a guy on the first or second date because she is simply horny and will most likely never want to see the guy again....um, like the female version of "hit and run" or "player.... And, I'm sure that other women have sex right away because they feel an instant connection, and it's a mutual thing...and a relationship blooms. I don't know about that myself, but I'll bet that happens, too. Most women, though, who sleep with a man very quickly do it for the first reason; they want an instant relationship with physical intimacy standing in for real emotional intimacy. Personally, it takes me about six weeks to feel comfortable enough with a guy to want to sleep with him. I need to have a bit of history and experience with him first... So, I will only sleep with a guy when I really want to, and for the right reasons -- never to have a "relationship" with guy. I will already have some kind of relationship with him before I sleep with him. So it's the relationship I evaluate. The sex thing is a natural progression of affection and intimacy. I'll do it when I want to, and not a minute before...and only when I can really let go. I would never have sex with a guy if I felt unsure or nervous. That's a signal that I'm not ready. If I did it then, it would be for the wrong reasons. Like trying to get the guy to want to be more attached to me. And I would never do it for that reason, or just because the guy wanted to. I really think that's where women get into trouble. If we would just wait until WE want to do it, then a lot of problems would be avoided. And we would give freely, sure that we are doing it for ourselves, open hearted and ready emotionally.
nicki Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 It also depends on how long the woman has known the guy. If I'm dating a new, unknown guy, then give me six weeks. A guy that I've known for a while and trust, but not dated? Maybe a few weeks to a month. All women are different. All situations are different. The only rule to live by is to do have sex for the first time when it's for yourself. It's a good thing to be selfish about. So many women get hung up on "giving it to the guy." Yeah, give it to him as a byproduct of giving it to yourself. And then it will be good gift to him. Great thread!
stillafool Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Like Chris Rock said, "women are giving it away too quickly these days, if pu--y was a stock it would plummet".
sunshinegirl Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 On the other...if they withhold sex thinking that will land them a good man who is willing to wait...the man who is truly interested in her might think to himself, "what is wrong with me...is she not into me or repulsed by me?" This hasn't been my experience at all. Until my current boyfriend, and until the ripe old age of 33, I was a virgin. And none of the men I dated seemed too worried about what was "wrong" with them that I didn't want to have sex with them. I was clear in many other ways that I was attracted to them. And my current boyfriend completely let me set the pace of how much intimacy we had, and when. Seems to me it boils down to really good communication and ixnaying the game-playing. A woman who is persistently coy and/or a real tease is likely to anger a guy who's interested in her. In my case, I didn't withhold sex as much as try to live by convictions I held, and I was clear about my boundaries early on.
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Well I understand it on both sides. Its a double-edged sword for women. On one hand, if they are promiscuous from the very start, and the guy turns out to be a player...she played right into the jerks hands. On the other...if they withhold sex thinking that will land them a good man who is willing to wait...the man who is truly interested in her might think to himself, "what is wrong with me...is she not into me or repulsed by me?" So the situation sucks to say the least on what to do. While I completely understand what you are saying here Trial, I do not totally agree. Because I think everybody is talking about two seperate issues. I think what Rewind is trying to say is that for the ladies out there who DO want a relationship, sex should not be part of the approach early on. It has nothing to do with concerntrating on trying to "trap" a man. It has to do with a woman saying to herself "I want a satisfying relationship to be my outcome and to ADD TO my life." And just like any goal in life, you set your goal and then you put together the "appropriate proceedures" or "game plan" (whatever you want to call it...) to obtain the desired result. And if you desired result are to have a man respect you and see you as "girlfriend" material, then you have to act accordingly in the begining stages. Now on the other hand, yes women do have an "itch" that needs to be scratched every once in a while. And there's nothing wrong with that as long as she is facing the reality of her actions and what the outcome will be. i.e.....she can't be mad if she never hears from that guy again if she put out in the first couple of dates. How can she expect the guy to take her seriously if she does not take herself seriously? People will only repsect you as much as you repsect yourself. YES women do have the right to have their needs fulfilled, but unfortunatley, this double standard will ALWAYS exist in the dating world. But that's just it. Sleeping with someone is an emotional and physical choice, not a deliberate attempt at withholding or giving in, for the sake of "getting" the guy. If a woman sleeps with someone right away, that's her emotional, or lack thereof, and physical choice to do. If she's not ready, she doesn't. Sex should not be a bartering tool or an attempt at respectability. It's either an itch to scratch or the sharing of intimacy between two people who have an emotional bond. Society as a whole needs to repattern the dowry vs soiled product mentality. A woman is worth what she is worth, not based on some archaic do or don't clock.
Author SouthernT Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Society as a whole needs to repattern the dowry vs soiled product mentality. A woman is worth what she is worth, not based on some archaic do or don't clock. Totally agree, but the problem in today's society is that young women DONT KNOW their worth. We have to get back to the basics here and what young women are being taught in todays society which is a God awful mess.
Author SouthernT Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 I would never have sex with a guy if I felt unsure or nervous. That's a signal that I'm not ready. If I did it then, it would be for the wrong reasons. Like trying to get the guy to want to be more attached to me. And I would never do it for that reason, or just because the guy wanted to. Good point and I'm willing to bet that 99% of the time, a woman has this "gut" feeling that its not right or too soon, but ignore that feeling.
tanbark813 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Whether or not a guy respects a girl has to do with a lot more than just when she sleeps with him.
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Totally agree, but the problem in today's society is that young women DONT KNOW their worth. We have to get back to the basics here and what young women are being taught in todays society which is a God awful mess. If you're talking about the "I am hawt therefore I am" and the corresponding negative thought processes to those that don't believe this of themselves, then I agree with you. You are what you define yourself to be. Superficiality has come full circle and will hopefully die, die, die to a more realistic definition. There's far more to life beyond the pretty packaging. We as women, bind our own feet.
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Whether or not a guy respects a girl has to do with a lot more than just when she sleeps with him. What makes you respect a girl?
tanbark813 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 What makes you respect a girl? 1. Intelligence. 2. Honesty. 3. She's never cheated on anyone. 4. Reliability (following through with what she says she'll do, not flaking, etc.) 5. Her position in life (level of education, career path, etc.) 6. She carries herself well (e.g., not an obvious attention whore or the type of girl who seems shady). 7. She seems like a good person. Personally, when she sleeps with me isn't even taken into consideration but I know a lot of guys do include that on the list. Girls like to think that the sex timeline makes or breaks whether or not a guy considers her relationship material but the reality is that it could be that or any of the things listed above (or others as it will, of course, vary from guy to guy). Sometimes girls will sleep with a guy and then not hear from him and they automatically conclude it was because they slept with him that he didn't call. That's a causal fallacy and not necessarily the case. It could be for any number of reasons, or a combination thereof.
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 1. Intelligence. 2. Honesty. 3. She's never cheated on anyone. 4. Reliability (following through with what she says she'll do, not flaking, etc.) 5. Her position in life (level of education, career path, etc.) 6. She carries herself well (e.g., not an obvious attention whore or the type of girl who seems shady). 7. She seems like a good person. Personally, when she sleeps with me isn't even taken into consideration but I know a lot of guys do include that on the list. Girls like to think that the sex timeline makes or breaks whether or not a guy considers her relationship material but the reality is that it could be that or any of the things listed above (or others as it will, of course, vary from guy to guy). Sometimes girls will sleep with a guy and then not hear from him and they automatically conclude it was because they slept with him that he didn't call. That's a causal fallacy and not necessarily the case. It could be for any number of reasons, or a combination thereof. Cool. It's very much like my list for men who I can respect although #5 for me is more how he defines himself, by himself, instead of by acceptable social yardsticks. Not a rebel but more an unsaid statement of here I am and here's my space.
DanielMadr Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Like Chris Rock said, "women are giving it away too quickly these days, if pu--y was a stock it would plummet". Chris Rock is bragging. And it says something about his fans:D If we look at it through Chris's economic standards.....sex is part of the deal and a lot of girls has nothing better to offer. Or dont think they have.
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