MEN:All you want is SEX

[Pink Amulet]

While I disagree with PAs definition and agree that it's not the way I perceive a healthy relationship, I also strongly disagree about stereo-typical gender roles.

 

 

I don't seem to recall typing a definition of a "healthy relationship"?

 

I am not getting involved in the topic itself, I was just pointing out a generalisation by SouthernT that I disagree with.

 

*steps out*

[Trialbyfire]

I don't seem to recall typing a definition of a "healthy relationship"?

 

I am not getting involved in the topic itself, I was just pointing out a generalisation by SouthernT that I disagree with.

 

*steps out*

Apparently you're missing my point by arguing semantics.

 

This is your post which I disagree with because it suggests that one of the parties must be dominant. There's no reason why there can't be an equal partnership, albeit different strengths and weaknesses. Btw, I do believe that too many partners smacks of someone using sex for reasons beyond simple physical desire. Better to resolve the core issues than do volume sex.

 

What about women who flaunt their sexual dominance? Submission and dominance are really important factors in this argument.I am a firm believer that women can only be defined as "a slut" if they let themselves be treated as one. Who says men "just want sex" wheras women "want intamacy".

 

These gender roles are so outdated.

[sweetscarlet]

No its not a bartering agreement if you see it out of context of Gender Battles. Actually when you take sex out of mutual connection you are making vacuum which you have to fill. Exchanging their body for what? Are you talking about sexploitation? When you start to separate sex and love as two different things, you are actually making yourself sexual object yourself or at least you set this frame of mind that there is mutual connection and there is a sex too sometimes. Its altogether actually.

 

I'm going to have to say that I totally do not know what you're trying to say here. Can you explain?

 

But it has its limits. You cant go like that for too long.

 

Well here's the thing about that....most women don't tell themselves that they're going to make the guy wait X amount of time. The time involved depends on how they feel and if they feel comfortable with it....and this can be influenced by the man involved and how he treats her.

 

I'll give you a real-life example. Say a guy is dating a girl and they go to a movie and make out afterwards. Then he doesn't talk to her again until the next date and once again they make out after going out and this time he tries to go further. She doesn't feel like she really knows him so she doesn't let him go very far. Then he doesn't talk to her again until the next date and they make out after going out and he tries to go further. This goes on for a number of dates but he never takes the time to really get to know her better. She has mentioned this to him but it has little effect. The smart woman would stop seeing this man. The not so smart woman would end up eventually sleeping with him because he persists.

 

My point is, it's not like she said to herself that she was going to make him wait X amount of time. No, she was waiting until she felt comfortable and right about it...and in this case, that never happened.

 

On the other hand, if he didn't show any physical affection at all to her, she would not want to have sex with him then either. That would make him seem too distant and cold.

 

Basically, it needs to go at a woman's pace. Men don't need much of a comfort level for sex.....women do. Unfortunately today, women often have sex before they're comfortable doing so because it's become expected of them and because they fear losing the guy. But I don't think it's getting women anywhere for them to have sex before they're comfortable. I think it's just made things worse for women.

[Green]

Girl you dont really care about sex, you care about being decieved. If some guy turned you into his total slut and didnt tell you upfront thats what he wanted but he stuck around and kept banging you you'd probably be happy, you just dont like getting doomped

[DanielMadr]

Right, and I completely agree with you. Definitley define from within. My only point is that is a difference between a woman being confident in her sexuality without being agressing about it and chasing a man by USING this aspect.

 

Woman being confident in her sexuality is about her not worring about sexuality aspect;)

[DanielMadr]

Apparently you're missing my point by arguing semantics.

 

This is your post which I disagree with because it suggests that one of the parties must be dominant. There's no reason why there can't be an equal partnership, albeit different strengths and weaknesses. Btw, I do believe that too many partners smacks of someone using sex for reasons beyond simple physical desire. Better to resolve the core issues than do volume sex.

 

[/i]

 

Equality is for fairy tales and bloody commies. None of it works in real world.

[Trialbyfire]

Equality is for fairy tales and bloody commies. None of it works in real world.

Oh? Why not?

[DanielMadr]

I'm going to have to say that I totally do not know what you're trying to say here. Can you explain?

 

 

Some women are so scared of being seen as blow up dolls and they seek approval of their personality, b/c they are insecure about their sexuality to a point, they start to seperate Love to asexual soul connection and sex. Of course these things exists separately but its unhealthy like casual sex or platonic love. It is a problem b/c this separating can go deep and woman starts to see her self as Human Being and Woman. Once she realizes she is Female Human Being...a Woman, problems are solved.

Well here's the thing about that....most women don't tell themselves that they're going to make the guy wait X amount of time. The time involved depends on how they feel and if they feel comfortable with it....and this can be influenced by the man involved and how he treats her.

Some girls do...they read it in a book or heard somewhere. But its not a problem. Girl playing it safe and waiting with sex is not a problem. Problem is when she wants to know if her lover can love her as a asexual person. He is not her parent to be like that. He o/c sees her sexualy attractive.

 

I'll give you a real-life example. Say a guy is dating a girl and they go to a movie and make out afterwards. Then he doesn't talk to her again until the next date and once again they make out after going out and this time he tries to go further. She doesn't feel like she really knows him so she doesn't let him go very far. Then he doesn't talk to her again until the next date and they make out after going out and he tries to go further. This goes on for a number of dates but he never takes the time to really get to know her better. She has mentioned this to him but it has little effect. The smart woman would stop seeing this man. The not so smart woman would end up eventually sleeping with him because he persists.

 

I agree. When she stated she wants connection and he offers none, its hit&run case or he needs intimacy of other kind to open up himself. In most cases its hit&run (he doesnt find her attractive enough to date her) and should be avoided.

 

My point is, it's not like she said to herself that she was going to make him wait X amount of time. No, she was waiting until she felt comfortable and right about it...and in this case, that never happened.

 

On the other hand, if he didn't show any physical affection at all to her, she would not want to have sex with him then either. That would make him seem too distant and cold.

 

Basically, it needs to go at a woman's pace. Men don't need much of a comfort level for sex.....women do. Unfortunately today, women often have sex before they're comfortable doing so because it's become expected of them and because they fear losing the guy. But I don't think it's getting women anywhere for them to have sex before they're comfortable. I think it's just made things worse for women.

 

Yeas I agree. Women should be less insecure in both ways. Some women go to extreme of seeing themselves as walking vagina and then going to another extreme to seeing themselves as walking brain.

 

Woman's pace is a problem. Women expect men are mind readers. Non verbal signals are hard to decode....there is too much acting, pretending and CONFUSION especially if woman has that problem not being sure if she should be asexual or sexual or whatever.

 

Do you copy?

[DanielMadr]

Oh? Why not?

 

Because everyone of us is individual - different genes and different experiences.

[DanielMadr]

Girl you dont really care about sex, you care about being decieved. If some guy turned you into his total slut and didnt tell you upfront thats what he wanted but he stuck around and kept banging you you'd probably be happy, you just dont like getting doomped

 

Very simple explanation. Very true too:)

[SouthernT]

Apparently you're missing my point by arguing semantics.This is your post which I disagree with because it suggests that one of the parties must be dominant. There's no reason why there can't be an equal partnership, albeit different strengths and weaknesses. Btw, I do believe that too many partners smacks of someone using sex for reasons beyond simple physical desire. Better to resolve the core issues than do volume sex.

 

[/i]

 

Thats MY point EXACTLY! Couldn't have said it better!!

[SouthernT]

Girl you dont really care about sex, you care about being decieved. If some guy turned you into his total slut and didnt tell you upfront thats what he wanted but he stuck around and kept banging you you'd probably be happy, you just dont like getting doomped

 

That is the biggest crock of B.S. I've ever heard!! And that is also a very immature statement to make. There is a difference between a 'GIRL" who has NO standards or MORALS whatsoever for sexual activity and behavior from a man V.S. a "WOMAN" who has morals and knows the true meaning and benefits of REAL intimacy between a man and a woman.

[DanielMadr]

That is the biggest crock of B.S. I've ever heard!! And that is also a very immature statement to make. There is a difference between a 'GIRL" who has NO standards or MORALS whatsoever for sexual activity and behavior from a man V.S. a "WOMAN" who has morals and knows the true meaning and benefits of REAL intimacy between a man and a woman.

 

He was just trying to say, that once a guy dumps you he is a jerk. If the same person behaving the same way would stick around it would be OK for you.

 

Dont get uptight by his harsh language. Hes taking a piss ....

[DanielMadr]

Thats MY point EXACTLY! Couldn't have said it better!!

 

Are you dominant or submissive? And on scale of 1 to ten. Give it a thought.

 

Would you marry a guy who is not as smart as you? Is lower on social ladder? Waiter maybe? Do you pick up guys? Are you making decisions where to go?

[SouthernT]

I take it you are not seen by men as having relationship potential?

 

I guess this is what it all boils down to. If a guy only wants sex from me, then thats his way of saying "your not attractive enough (looks/personlity) for a relationship." No matter how I carry myself as a woman, this will never change. I'll never be viewed as relationship material.

[stillafool]

I think women should stop beating themselves so much. Stop obsessing over everything from their looks to whether this relationship will eventually end in marriage. Basically stop being so needy. Why not meet a guy, don't play games, have safe sex when you're ready, don't start thinking settling him down and just enjoy yourself. If you keep this attitude chances are you won't be able to get rid of the guy and if you do you will have a line of other guys waiting to go out with you.

[DanielMadr]

I guess this is what it all boils down to. If a guy only wants sex from me, then thats his way of saying "your not attractive enough (looks/personlity) for a relationship." No matter how I carry myself as a woman, this will never change. I'll never be viewed as relationship material.

 

Certainly not with this attitude. I dont know you, dont know how you look like or whats your real personality and I dont care about you but despite this you still annoy me.

I understand that cyberspace is a rant place but please give yourself a deep thought or bang your head on a desk

[DanielMadr]

I think women should stop beating themselves so much. Stop obsessing over everything from their looks to whether this relationship will eventually end in marriage. Basically stop being so needy. Why not meet a guy, don't play games, have safe sex when you're ready, don't start thinking settling him down and just enjoy yourself. If you keep this attitude chances are you won't be able to get rid of the guy and if you do you will have a line of other guys waiting to go out with you.

 

Nice. But its better to whine about guys wanting a sex only.

[SouthernT]

Certainly not with this attitude. I dont know you, dont know how you look like or whats your real personality and I dont care about you but despite this you still annoy me.

I understand that cyberspace is a rant place but please give yourself a deep thought or bang your head on a desk

 

I apologize for annoying you Daniel, just having a bad day. Thats all...

[SouthernT]

Some women are so scared of being seen as blow up dolls and they seek approval of their personality, b/c they are insecure about their sexuality to a point, they start to seperate Love to asexual soul connection and sex. Of course these things exists separately but its unhealthy like casual sex or platonic love. It is a problem b/c this separating can go deep and woman starts to see her self as Human Being and Woman. Once she realizes she is Female Human Being...a Woman, problems are solved.

 

Some girls do...they read it in a book or heard somewhere. But its not a problem. Girl playing it safe and waiting with sex is not a problem. Problem is when she wants to know if her lover can love her as a asexual person. He is not her parent to be like that. He o/c sees her sexualy attractive.

 

 

 

I agree. When she stated she wants connection and he offers none, its hit&run case or he needs intimacy of other kind to open up himself. In most cases its hit&run (he doesnt find her attractive enough to date her) and should be avoided.

 

 

 

Yeas I agree. Women should be less insecure in both ways. Some women go to extreme of seeing themselves as walking vagina and then going to another extreme to seeing themselves as walking brain.

 

Woman's pace is a problem. Women expect men are mind readers. Non verbal signals are hard to decode....there is too much acting, pretending and CONFUSION especially if woman has that problem not being sure if she should be asexual or sexual or whatever.

 

Do you copy?

 

Good point. Never thought of it that way and never realized it. Now I will do some serious thinking from this standpoint. Thanks.

[SouthernT]

Are you dominant or submissive? And on scale of 1 to ten. Give it a thought.

 

Would you marry a guy who is not as smart as you? Is lower on social ladder? Waiter maybe? Do you pick up guys? Are you making decisions where to go?

 

I'm not dominant or submissive. There's no need for one or the other. Now I do have an adaptive personality. I don't really think that is the same as being submissive. I know how to WITH a situation. Would I marry a guy who is not as smart as me? He doesent necessarily have to be as smart as me or smarter, but he has to have personal drive. And we need to be able to hold intellectual conversations together. Waiter???Depends on if he has a game plan for bettering himself. For example, if a guy is a waiter, ok cool, but does he have plans IN THE WORKS to mabye own a chain of restaurants? You know what I mean? No I do not pick guys up and I never will. Thats not my style. I will make suggestions on where to go and take his suggestion on where to go and it would be equal. Sometimes he will make the decision and sometimes I will.

[DanielMadr]

I'm not dominant or submissive. There's no need for one or the other. Now I do have an adaptive personality. I don't really think that is the same as being submissive. I know how to WITH a situation. Would I marry a guy who is not as smart as me? He doesent necessarily have to be as smart as me or smarter, but he has to have personal drive. And we need to be able to hold intellectual conversations together. Waiter???Depends on if he has a game plan for bettering himself. For example, if a guy is a waiter, ok cool, but does he have plans IN THE WORKS to mabye own a chain of restaurants? You know what I mean? No I do not pick guys up and I never will. Thats not my style. I will make suggestions on where to go and take his suggestion on where to go and it would be equal. Sometimes he will make the decision and sometimes I will.

 

That annoy thing. No harm done, I just wanted to point out if you annoy someone starnge, you could also annoy guys in real world with similar attitude. Might be a problem.

 

Take a personality test. You certainly are not the balanced Budha...no one is. Dont see terms dominant and submissive as something negative. Only extremes are negative - too submissive, too dominant etc. In real world there is always someone more dominant. It doesnt mean he or she is better, just that he or she is the leader e.g. more or less.

 

Fact is women are the submissive ones in relationships. In a job she can be dominant nasty bitch but at home she likes to have dominant partner. Im not talking about fetishes here, just that being submissive doesnt mean to be submissive to anybody.

In todays society this duality brings a lot of problems for women unless they cope well....know themselves well and dont believe feminazi propaganda and hints.

 

Women tend to bond with dominant males. Sometimes dominant just by higher social status than her. Even if he is a waiter, he has to compensate the lack of status in other personality traits .

 

Women certainly (some exceptions) dont go for submissive males. And here is a problem with equality. When there are problems and the man drops a few notches to submissivness or a woman goes up on virtual ladder, the relationship is doomed. So its better when male is slightly more dominant. Again it doesnt mean he beats you, orders you or is totaly unflexible. Just that he is calling the shots more often for example and it is his nature to lead.

 

This duality and rejecting, not understanding the submissive role can be very dangerous to ones personality. The same goes for guys who believe in that equality and surpressing their dominant side. Not understanding human nature and thinking dominant and submissive in terms of weak or bad etc. and trying to make society unisexual is bad and dangerous, usualy done by feminazi and commies aka 'Change the world to our biased view'. They are bitter nut cases actually.

 

Have a nice meditation.

[Virgo1982]

goodness that means guys will have sex with ugly girls? :lmao:

 

I would never have sex with an ugly guy. But a good looking guy I would ask "would you like to just have sex"......... is that rude?

 

Hell I have done that in so many words....... not interested in a date/relationship with them, just some fun.

 

We all know what the heart of this matter is. Guys are not going to say that because they want to have sex with you and women are not going to say, I just want someone to pay my bills and/or take care of me because that's what some of them want.

 

Have you ever seen a salesman go up to someone and say "I don't care about your needs, but I do need to pay my rent. So, buy this car."? Same concept to me. And I guess if you don't pay attention to the signs or hold out long enough, you will end up getting played. This is life.

[Trialbyfire]

Because everyone of us is individual - different genes and different experiences.

Men and women are equal but different. A relationship is like a balanced scale. When one person takes/gives too much, the scale becomes unbalanced and sooner or later...falls over. This ends the relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

I think women should stop beating themselves so much. Stop obsessing over everything from their looks to whether this relationship will eventually end in marriage. Basically stop being so needy. Why not meet a guy, don't play games, have safe sex when you're ready, don't start thinking settling him down and just enjoy yourself. If you keep this attitude chances are you won't be able to get rid of the guy and if you do you will have a line of other guys waiting to go out with you.

I agree with this. Too bad so many men and women play games.