MEN:All you want is SEX

[DanielMadr]

A guy who strings along multiple chicks who don't have knowledge of each other, for the purposes of inflating his ego and possibly getting laid. He has no interest in these girls beyond that.

 

Interesting. These guys have all the women b/c they past their tests. B/c these tests have nothing to do if he is relationship material or does not. These tests are about if he has enough balls or if one isnt an azzhole. Then maybe while time passes he is considered relationship material or not and eventualy dumped.

 

Even flat out stating 'I dont want a realtionship.Period' will only make the girl more interested. Not necesarily sleeping with him if she plays it safe but surely she tries to make him hers.

 

Your concept of being relationship first and then maybe more is weird, b/c only time will tell if the two match. Starting from begining all rational like they will be with each other forever is not a realistic or even romantic approach.

[SouthernT]

and cheaper gas prices.

cute!

[SouthernT]

And men wonder why women test them...

 

I guess nobody would get anywhere if the guys said (upfront).."I'm looking for sex" and the girl said (upfront)..."I'm looking for a relationship" Its hard to find that median sometimes. Ultimatley...YES we (women) want sex just as bad as you men. But it sucks when we either end up alone because we wont put out soon enough or we "MIGHT" end up in a relationship if we DO put out. But WAIT....put out TOO soon and your not "Dating Material"....but dont put out and your a "Prude"

[SouthernT]

I take it you are not seen by men as having relationship potential?

 

I am a very classy & attractive young lady. I am told this randomly by both men and women even when i just out shopping at the grociery store. Being told how pretty I was starting at such a young age, I learned VERY early on NOT to concentrate on my looks, but rather my character. So my problem is this: 1) Guys find me TOO attractive and wont approach me at all.(i.e. they think I'm already taken, or out of their league) And I've had several men tell me that I am intimidating. So I make sure I smile and laugh alot so that I am approachable. 2) The guys that DO approach me think that I'm all body and NO brains and get a very rude awakening if they approach me in the wrong manner. And these are the ones telling themselves:"I am going to use my best game possible, to get her in my bed" These are the ones that try to run GAME and think that I wont see through it, and they take off because they know that if they are going to deal with me, I mean real business. It's one thing to pay a compliment and move on to other topics. But it's another thing when a guy is obviously looking at you like the prime rib special of the day. (any woman would agree) And NO I do not dress slutty or anything. If anything, my friends make fun of me for wearing TOO many clothes and being covered up all the time.

[nicki]

So, SouthernT, you've got looks AND brains! Great attitude!

 

I wish more men would realize that we don't mind if they want to have sex with us, it's just that we don't want to merely be an object for their selfish pleasure, one that can be easily replaced by another object.

 

That doesn't make us feel very special, or "seen."

 

I like what you said about a guy making a compliment and then moving on to something else. It shows that, while he appreciates your beauty, he knows there is more to discuss/appreciate.

[SouthernT]

I like what you said about a guy making a compliment and then moving on to something else. It shows that, while he appreciates your beauty, he knows there is more to discuss/appreciate.

 

Exactly! Acknowledge it and then move on. It's that simple right ladies?

[DanielMadr]

I am a very classy & attractive young lady. I am told this randomly by both men and women even when i just out shopping at the grociery store. Being told how pretty I was starting at such a young age, I learned VERY early on NOT to concentrate on my looks, but rather my character. So my problem is this: 1) Guys find me TOO attractive and wont approach me at all.(i.e. they think I'm already taken, or out of their league) And I've had several men tell me that I am intimidating. So I make sure I smile and laugh alot so that I am approachable. 2) The guys that DO approach me think that I'm all body and NO brains and get a very rude awakening if they approach me in the wrong manner. And these are the ones telling themselves:"I am going to use my best game possible, to get her in my bed" These are the ones that try to run GAME and think that I wont see through it, and they take off because they know that if they are going to deal with me, I mean real business. It's one thing to pay a compliment and move on to other topics. But it's another thing when a guy is obviously looking at you like the prime rib special of the day. (any woman would agree) And NO I do not dress slutty or anything. If anything, my friends make fun of me for wearing TOO many clothes and being covered up all the time.

 

You know maybe the problem lies in the way you think...your attitude.

 

On one hand you say you are not obsessed with your looks and concentrate on your character but all you are talking about is how intimidating your appearance is to guys. OK. It is about looks, accept it.

 

And you stated not a one decent category of men. Its negative thinking.

 

Its like you assume you are intimidating and guys are pussies or players who can be outsmarted - scared off.

 

And I think when you have this attitude its actually showing no matter how big your smile is.

 

I know your type of girl (no that special eh? ) They try to outsmart you and scare you, b/c its their habit....it works like that most of the times. But you can see its not them.....they put a mask on b/c they assume you have one too. You can see it in their eyes..... they are nervous as hell and occasionally they have that patronizing look when they get a grip time to time.

 

They are not at ease, cool, relaxed. They have that look telling 'I see right through you boy', which is quite untactful. And you can see they cant decide themselves if they should be loved for their pretty face or their so exceptional personality.....for a pretty girl. They get nervous eventualy. It becomes ackward and guys pulls off.

 

Learn to relax. Your a woman....body and soul. Appreciate yourself and dont seek validation of your looks or your personality. Let be the whole package. You know really smart people are smart but not complicated.

[LoveLace]

I can argue for both sexes here.

 

Women can be players too!! We are perfectly capable, and just as guilty. I"m guilty of it myself, and I admit it was great for my self-esteem, although I didn't seek it out for that reason. I didn't seek it out, period, it just happened. Also, it wasn't as though every guy wanted a relationship with me..in fact I don't think any of them really did. So it's almost like guys don't even care if we're players or not.

 

However, I do feel that being a woman, I can't win either way. If we put out too soon, a guy loses respect for us or whatever. But no one seems to lose respect for them when they get laid no matter what.

 

If we want to "take it slow", and a man agrees to this, there is a chance that he's getting his satisfaction elsewhere in the mean time. There is a chance that he's "taking it slow" with someone else, too. (not that we can't do the same) but the point is, prolonging sex with a man can sometimes only mean prolonging how long it takes for him to dis you. Men are more likely to pretend they want a relationship or whatever, and will even play along with "taking it slow" for a while because ultimately all they want to do is sleep with you.

 

Woman are different in this aspect, as we don't generally lie and practically pretend we are someone else just to get a guy in bed. Technically this is because we don't really have to. If all we want is sex, all we have to do is say "all I want is sex" and a guy will jump on it.

 

The popular concensus is that women are supposed to be in control of how any relationship pans out. This is only true to an extent. Because we don't control the fact that putting out too soon makes a guy disrespect us. We don't control the fact that he only wants us for one thing. We only control it until the part where we have sex with him, then it seems to be out of our hands. It seems as though sex is our audition for the guy in deciding weather or not he wants to keep dating us. Cuz if we call too soon after sex, they think we're psycho. If we don't call, then we are a slut. We can't win.

[SouthernT]

You know maybe the problem lies in the way you think...your attitude.

 

Its like you assume you are intimidating and guys are pussies or players who can be outsmarted - scared off.

 

And I think when you have this attitude its actually showing no matter how big your smile is.

 

 

You're wrong Daniel.....Watch your words.....Even some of the most beautiful people in the world have the LOWEST self esteem. Everybody's character is a result of what they have been through in life. Even if you

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]consciously tell yourself that you wont let it affect you. My toughness is just like YOURS. (meaning, nobody wants to get hurt)[/FONT][/sIZE]

[Topper]

This is nothing more then the classic disconect between men and woman. men need sex to feel loved. Woman need to feel loved to have sex.

[DanielMadr]

I can argue for both sexes here.

 

Women can be players too!! We are perfectly capable, and just as guilty. I"m guilty of it myself, and I admit it was great for my self-esteem, although I didn't seek it out for that reason. I didn't seek it out, period, it just happened. Also, it wasn't as though every guy wanted a relationship with me..in fact I don't think any of them really did. So it's almost like guys don't even care if we're players or not.

 

However, I do feel that being a woman, I can't win either way. If we put out too soon, a guy loses respect for us or whatever. But no one seems to lose respect for them when they get laid no matter what.

 

If we want to "take it slow", and a man agrees to this, there is a chance that he's getting his satisfaction elsewhere in the mean time. There is a chance that he's "taking it slow" with someone else, too. (not that we can't do the same) but the point is, prolonging sex with a man can sometimes only mean prolonging how long it takes for him to dis you. Men are more likely to pretend they want a relationship or whatever, and will even play along with "taking it slow" for a while because ultimately all they want to do is sleep with you.

 

Woman are different in this aspect, as we don't generally lie and practically pretend we are someone else just to get a guy in bed. Technically this is because we don't really have to. If all we want is sex, all we have to do is say "all I want is sex" and a guy will jump on it.

 

The popular concensus is that women are supposed to be in control of how any relationship pans out. This is only true to an extent. Because we don't control the fact that putting out too soon makes a guy disrespect us. We don't control the fact that he only wants us for one thing. We only control it until the part where we have sex with him, then it seems to be out of our hands. It seems as though sex is our audition for the guy in deciding weather or not he wants to keep dating us. Cuz if we call too soon after sex, they think we're psycho. If we don't call, then we are a slut. We can't win.

 

1. Sooner sex doesnt mean disrespect. If he is normal guy. And if has no objective reason to believe, you do it regularly....which you prove him wrong by sticking with him. I think girls came to this conclusion, b/c they slept with hit&run guys. And they just wouldnt stick around even if you waited.

Actually the sooner you have sex the guy is more pleased, b/c it means you trust him and love him very much. Unless you are drunk or major insecure (want to bed him so he stays with you)

 

2. Women decide when to have sex, when to date, when to marry and have children. Its your call. Why? B/c its in your concern not to be alone (guys dont mind that much) and you have greater options ( like you said, boys are too willing).

[SouthernT]

1. Sooner sex doesnt mean disrespect. If he is normal guy.

 

Then at what point do men label a girl as a sl*t or a H*?

so are you saying there is no reason for women to hold out on sex? And that we should just HOPE we get lucky with each guy that comes along that wants to get in our pants? (provided that he's passed some of our requirements)?????

 

I think the problem is that MEN and WOMEN both have all been hurt. As a result, everybody has on their MASK. This mask is then viewed as "playing games". When in actuality, both men and women have on their mask as an attempt to "test" the other parties intentions.

[DanielMadr]

You're wrong Daniel.....Watch your words.....Even some of the most beautiful people in the world have the LOWEST self esteem. Everybody's character is a result of what they have been through in life. Even if you

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]consciously tell yourself that you wont let it affect you. My toughness is just like YOURS. (meaning, nobody wants to get hurt)[/FONT][/sIZE]

 

Im not wrong. What did I said so horrible?

 

I actually wrote that they are insecure. I know that they are. And I dont think its some major turn off....at least not for men....we can cope with insecure partners. Women are insecure. Its not the best think but its how it is. Some more some less. Some are more confident than most of men.

 

And I wasnt talking about b1tch shields. I was talking about Pride and Prejudice;)

 

Example: What would you think about me, if I was walking around town with big smile but everytime a girl asked me about time I looked at her with that patronizing look, thinking *Oh another insecure and not so clever little girl, who seeks approval from some attractive and smart man*. But deep down I wouldnt be so sure what makes me a man - is it my brain, face or balls? -being quite insecure myself. But still I would try to have that patronizing look, b/c all girls all dumb and insecure right and I have to protect my ego!

So the girl would be intimidated by my looks and on top of it saw big neon sign "CONFUSED boy DANGER DANGER". She would ran away.

[David Lewis]

I developed a test to screen out players and users. When I accept a date, I say, "It's a friendship date only." If the other person is relatively OK with that, they care about me as a person. If they pitch a fit, chances are they just want me for sex.

[Trialbyfire]

Interesting. These guys have all the women b/c they past their tests. B/c these tests have nothing to do if he is relationship material or does not. These tests are about if he has enough balls or if one isnt an azzhole. Then maybe while time passes he is considered relationship material or not and eventualy dumped.

 

Even flat out stating 'I dont want a realtionship.Period' will only make the girl more interested. Not necesarily sleeping with him if she plays it safe but surely she tries to make him hers.

 

Your concept of being relationship first and then maybe more is weird, b/c only time will tell if the two match. Starting from begining all rational like they will be with each other forever is not a realistic or even romantic approach.

Since I don't date guys who I haven't known as friends for extended periods of time, you could consider this my test. I also never pursue. In hindsight, the guys I've dated or been in relationships with have always shown strong interest first, thereby peaking my interest. It's either lighthearted dating without the complication of sex, which is known upfront by both people, or relationships.

 

I've never seen the phenomenon of a guy saying he's only interested in sex. If so, I would probably move on 'cause I'm not hardwired that way.

 

Your last comments are non-applicable if you refer to the first paragraph of my response.

 

I guess nobody would get anywhere if the guys said (upfront).."I'm looking for sex" and the girl said (upfront)..."I'm looking for a relationship" Its hard to find that median sometimes. Ultimatley...YES we (women) want sex just as bad as you men. But it sucks when we either end up alone because we wont put out soon enough or we "MIGHT" end up in a relationship if we DO put out. But WAIT....put out TOO soon and your not "Dating Material"....but dont put out and your a "Prude"

I see no reason to get together if both people aren't in the same space. Being considered a prude or being single doesn't bother me. No serious emotional connection, no sex. It's not a conscious decision of withholding. Sex is not an appetite or a game for me. It's the act between two people who have a strong emotional connection. If there's a strong emotional connection, my guy had better be in good physical condition...

[DanielMadr]

Then at what point do men label a girl as a sl*t or a H*?

so are you saying there is no reason for women to hold out on sex? And that we should just HOPE we get lucky with each guy that comes along that wants to get in our pants? (provided that he's passed some of our requirements)?????

 

I think the problem is that MEN and WOMEN both have all been hurt. As a result, everybody has on their MASK. This mask is then viewed as "playing games". When in actuality, both men and women have on their mask as an attempt to "test" the other parties intentions.

 

Sl*t or H* is a girl who sleep with quantity of men of questionable quality (no Nobel Prize winners) at worst.

Be aware of some guys mentality: "There are two kind of girls...b1tches and sl*ts. Sl*ts sleep with everyone and b*tches sleep with everyone but me". Just dont care about some sleazy guys opinion.

 

There is a reason to hold out a sex. You need time to evaulate your partner. To make sure your first impression was right and he is no serial killer. I think a few decent dates is OK. But it depends. Some girls are better in reading guys than other. I dont recommend to make sure he has clean teeth and then just HOPE! If you need time, take it but make sure he knows you are that way and it has nothing to do with him (If Jesus came back and wanted to date you he would have to wait too....that kind of reassurance)

and make sure he knows you like him, want to see him and you have to be fun to be with. You have to offer more of other things when you are not offering intimacy. If you are afraid to strip, just tell him - no big deal. Confusing him by making out on sofa and then run home when he tries to pull down your blouse, wont make him happy.

[DanielMadr]

I see no reason to get together if both people aren't in the same space. Being considered a prude or being single doesn't bother me. No serious emotional connection, no sex. It's not a conscious decision of withholding. Sex is not an appetite or a game for me. It's the act between two people who have a strong emotional connection. If there's a strong emotional connection, my guy had better be in good physical condition...

 

I meant. When a "player" is that "strong emotional connection" guy with her, not interested in dating her (friends with benefits maybe) but still offering sex, she will try to change his mind. He is a player (he has no serious intentions with her) and he told her so upfront, but she has emotional connection with him (one way) then she wont drop him so easily.

[Trialbyfire]

I meant. When a "player" is that "strong emotional connection" guy with her, not interested in dating her (friends with benefits maybe) but still offering sex, she will try to change his mind. He is a player (he has no serious intentions with her) and he told her so upfront, but she has emotional connection with him (one way) then she wont drop him so easily.

Okay. Since I don't believe that people can make core changes unless there's trauma, trying to change someone is a fruitless endeavor.

 

Btw, how can someone emotionally connect with a guy who has no serious intention? It's like asking to get used. More caution is necessary.

[LoveLace]

Okay. Since I don't believe that people can make core changes unless there's trauma, trying to change someone is a fruitless endeavor.

 

Btw, how can someone emotionally connect with a guy who has no serious intention? It's like asking to get used. More caution is necessary.

 

 

I'd like to know that answer here myself...because if a guy doesn't have serious intentions from the beginning, there is usually nothing to change his mind. And if he isn't being honest in the aspect, how do we know how to treat him? Cuz if I treat a guy as though he's special, etc, he isn't repsonsive to it if he isn't serious. If you treat him like a meaningless piece of a** (even when that's all we are to him), he will never even consider you girlfriend material.

 

So I guess we are supposed to weed out the ones who are using us, and the ones who don't want a relationship, which usually leaves us with the ones who are desperate, possessive, or worse. It seems there is no in between.

[Trialbyfire]

I'd like to know that answer here myself...because if a guy doesn't have serious intentions from the beginning, there is usually nothing to change his mind. And if he isn't being honest in the aspect, how do we know how to treat him? Cuz if I treat a guy as though he's special, etc, he isn't repsonsive to it if he isn't serious. If you treat him like a meaningless piece of a** (even when that's all we are to him), he will never even consider you girlfriend material.

 

So I guess we are supposed to weed out the ones who are using us, and the ones who don't want a relationship, which usually leaves us with the ones who are desperate, possessive, or worse. It seems there is no in between.

I don't have the answer to that except to get to really know the guy first. Nothing is foolproof, even the guys that supposedly commit to the level of marriage. Ask me about that one.

 

As for weeding it down to the ones you've mentioned, I don't agree. There are plenty of men out there who are well-balanced. It's up to you whether you want to be patient or not, in order to find the one for you.

[DanielMadr]

I'd like to know that answer here myself...because if a guy doesn't have serious intentions from the beginning, there is usually nothing to change his mind. And if he isn't being honest in the aspect, how do we know how to treat him? Cuz if I treat a guy as though he's special, etc, he isn't repsonsive to it if he isn't serious. If you treat him like a meaningless piece of a** (even when that's all we are to him), he will never even consider you girlfriend material.

 

So I guess we are supposed to weed out the ones who are using us, and the ones who don't want a relationship, which usually leaves us with the ones who are desperate, possessive, or worse. It seems there is no in between.

 

9 times out of 10 you wont change his mind. You can start to play head games but you only make him interested in "winning" the game not you.

 

But if you give him sex which he doesnt get anywhere else, he could stick around and even marry you. I see it happenning every day. Guy goes for a girl he has no feelings for only to get a notch. She thinks he is so confident when he treats her like he doesnt care, which he does not. She gives him sex. And he sticks around, b/c he is lazy. He doesnt start to love you but he will marry you. Its pretty common. Some guy even dont pretend they find their girls attractive.

 

In between is very rare. I know a few and they are very, very picky themselves.

[DanielMadr]

Btw, how can someone emotionally connect with a guy who has no serious intention? It's like asking to get used. More caution is necessary.

 

Its love honey. You love him, he does not love you back. Lets hope he is a good man and tells her up front....she starts to play it safe then and eventually he will eject Or she decides not to be so careful and has at least few nights with someone she loves.

[Trialbyfire]

Its love honey. You love him, he does not love you back. Lets hope he is a good man and tells her up front....she starts to play it safe then and eventually he will eject Or she decides not to be so careful and has at least few nights with someone she loves.

No one falls in love that quickly. What you've stated is simply chemistry.

[SouthernT]

No one falls in love that quickly. What you've stated is simply chemistry.

 

I agree here. But one does lead to the other. There has to be some type of chemistry there for both people to continute to entertain the situation and hopefully it turns into love.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree here. But one does lead to the other. There has to be some type of chemistry there for both people to continute to entertain the situation and hopefully it turns into love.

I also agree with you here with one codicil. This is the stage where you have to be very careful watching for red flags, bolt your feet back to the ground and see who he really is, not what you believe he might be or could be. Chemistry can be worse than cataracts...