A nice Guy turned A-hole

[DanielMadr]

They want the drama....and you may be right about no remorse about dumping them...but why do so many of them bitch and whine when the "bad boy" fullfills their expectation of being an ahole?

 

They complain about not being able to find a great guy out there...date the "bad boy"...then whine about how all men are jerks.

 

B/c its hard to admit the problem is in them. And they wouldnt whine if the "jerk" had not dumped her.

 

more info...

Read some posts here...when a girl wants the acknowledgement to dump a guy b/c she doesnt love him any more, she portraits him like a jealous jerk for example, even if he is actually too nice. Once a guy dumps a girl, he is a jerk. The same as girl rejecting a guy is a bitch looking for badazz not a nice one. It might be true but it might be not. In most cases the guy was just insecure whinny piece of shyt.

[Salicious Crumb]

Another problem with nice guys is that they are weak. A woman can cheat on them and treat them like crap and they will still stay with her and probably blame themselves for it.

 

Not true....if it weren't for my kids...I'd have kicked her out of the house the day I found out.

 

Too many men keep being nice to women that don't deserve it.

 

My wife wishes her old affectionate and loving husband were back. I'm not an ahole to her, but I laid down some ground rules and she knows if she breaks them, she will lose her family.

 

So I am not mean to her, but she definitely doesn't deserve the attention and affection that she had before she f#cked up. I just don't go out of my way for her anymore because she doesn't deserve it.

[Woggle]

Not true....if it weren't for my kids...I'd have kicked her out of the house the day I found out.

 

 

 

My wife wishes her old affectionate and loving husband were back. I'm not an ahole to her, but I laid down some ground rules and she knows if she breaks them, she will lose her family.

 

So I am not mean to her, but she definitely doesn't deserve the attention and affection that she had before she f#cked up. I just don't go out of my way for her anymore because she doesn't deserve it.

 

Maybe not in your case but just look at the speration and divorce forums as example of men who will put up with anything.

 

Good for you for not letting her walk all over you. Don't let the women in here tell you otherwise when they get mad at their husbands over the smallest things.

[DanielMadr]

I disagree....depends on what you see as a nice guy....too many people see nice guys as clingy romantics that go overboard to woo a woman out of desperation.

 

In my view...a nice guy is a confident guy that treats a woman right, isn't needy, isn't clingy, and doesn't cheat...among other good qualities.

And yes...there are us nice guys out there that look good to satisfy the superficiality.

 

I would call it Good Man. Nice Guy is just nice guy or average frustrated chump.

 

And this is where the nice guys need to be VERY selective. The women who go for the "bad boys" that don't make good mates in the long run can complain and complain about not finding a good man. Because in the end...it is the nice guys, not the "insecure pussies" as you'd put it, that will be in the driver's seat.

 

However the problem arises that the nice guy will probably end up with one of these women who liked to date "bad boys" and will be walked all over by these women. And thats when the nice guy ceases becoming a nice guy.....at least to that particular woman.

 

I think its individual. O/c in best scenario you end up with virgin Carmen Electra. Just dont paint your expectations in too bright colours.

[Woggle]

Another issue with nice guys is that many have the knight in shining armor complex. They want to be the one that shows a woman who has been hurt that good men do exist when in reality this woman is reponsible for much of her drama because she keeps going for the same old jerks. My advice is look for a woman that already has her herself together and has her head screwed on straight.

[Salicious Crumb]

Good for you for not letting her walk all over you. Don't let the women in here tell you otherwise when they get mad at their husbands over the smallest things.

 

Oh I know that already..LOL. A few women here got steamed when I wrote about laying ground rules about how my wife is no longer to go out partying with her friends and going to clubs after I found out she cheated if she wants to keep the family together.

 

I expect my wife to act like a wife and some women didn't like that.

[DanielMadr]

What if the guy is genuinely nice and wants to please his woman because that's in his heart? why can't a woman accept the gratitude and niceness from a man who wants to love her? Why does she push him away?

 

Would you respect a boss who would treat you like this from a day one? You would think he is weird. And rightly so. Any sane man has self control and dont give up his power for nice piece of azz. Thats the part of the problem. Some girls dont think they deserve this wooing, at least not so early or so much.

[DanielMadr]

Another issue with nice guys is that many have the knight in shining armor complex. They want to be the one that shows a woman who has been hurt that good men do exist when in reality this woman is reponsible for much of her drama because she keeps going for the same old jerks. My advice is look for a woman that already has her herself together and has her head screwed on straight.

 

too rare or too old. Its better to "educate" her.

[Salicious Crumb]

I would call it Good Man. Nice Guy is just nice guy or average frustrated chump.

 

I can agree with that statement.

 

And alot of women complain they can't find a "good man".....well gee...wonder why....cuz we aint aholes enuff for them.

[Woggle]

too rare or too old. Its better to "educate" her.

 

Older women are not so bad. I am with an older woman right now and it is the best relationship I have ever had. It is the first time I feel I am with a WOMAN that is my equal. As far as educating a woman that is not my place. If she doesn't already get it she is not worth it.

[Salicious Crumb]

Would you respect a boss who would treat you like this from a day one?

 

Yes....I would. What I wouldn't respect is a boss that babies me and remains nice to me no matter if I were to f#ck up on a constant basis.

[DanielMadr]

I can agree with that statement.

 

And alot of women complain they can't find a "good man".....well gee...wonder why....cuz we aint aholes enuff for them.

 

Honestly, when I look around I cant see a Good Man who would be good enough for my sister fro example. I think good men are even more rare than good women. We men have that problem we have to mature to be one which is pretty hard in prosperity and safety with misleading informations.

 

1/3 brain surgeon 1/3 movie star 1/3 navy seal is not easily obtained breed

[DanielMadr]

Yes....I would. What I wouldn't respect is a boss that babies me and remains nice to me no matter if I were to f#ck up on a constant basis.

 

You wouldnt respect a boss kissing up your azz;)

[DanielMadr]

Older women are not so bad. I am with an older woman right now and it is the best relationship I have ever had. It is the first time I feel I am with a WOMAN that is my equal. As far as educating a woman that is not my place. If she doesn't already get it she is not worth it.

 

Im young. And I want to have kids.

 

Unfunctional family....there is the problem. Its the place where most of insecure, damaged girls and guys come from. No good role models thats it.

 

Id be happy too if her parents made the "education" but what a hell....someone has to do it. And spanking can be fun too:laugh:

 

There is another think... when you dig deeper you realize that most of the frustrated girls are actually looking for substitute for their father (they seek approval of their personality by being asexual or want to be spanked) and frustrated guys are looking for substitute for their mother (they will love her unconditionaly while being submissive). Freudian but true. They just need to grow up.

[Woggle]

There is another think... when you dig deeper you realize that most of the frustrated girls are actually looking for substitute for their father (they seek approval of their personality by being asexual or want to be spanked) and frustrated guys are looking for substitute for their mother (they will love her unconditionaly while being submissive). Freudian but true. They just need to grow up.

 

 

The problem is that so many young women today grew up with no father and a mother that taught them to hate men so they are just screwed up inside. It is very easy to tell which women have a bad relationship with their father or none at all. They are head cases that are not worth the trouble.

[DanielMadr]

The problem is that so many young women today grew up with no father and a mother that taught them to hate men so they are just screwed up inside. It is very easy to tell which women have a bad relationship with their father or none at all. They are head cases that are not worth the trouble.

 

Sometimes brothers can suplicate for the male element etc. And it depends on her mothers attitude, like you said. Or it can be her father was doormat or simply an azzhole or some sexual abuse etc. And when I watch TV (which I usually dont) men are portraited quite bad.

I just wanted to say its not like no father=nut case.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Would you respect a boss who would treat you like this from a day one? You would think he is weird. And rightly so. Any sane man has self control and dont give up his power for nice piece of azz. Thats the part of the problem. Some girls dont think they deserve this wooing, at least not so early or so much.

 

 

I would respect my boss if they are a natural leader and if they can foster a good working realtionship with me and I trusted them. If they are nice is not such a bad thing but there is a thing of being nice but hard. That is what we should accomplsih. Nice but stern when we have to be.

 

If a woman has a problem with being wooed, she should tell the man instead of resorting to dumbass tactics that pushed the man away. A strange coping mechanism. it's just gonna make her look like an jackass uncapable of dealing with true emotions and raw feelings.

 

But then again you need a real woman who's got her **** together and got her mind right to show you how it's done.

[Woggle]

Sometimes brothers can suplicate for the male element etc. And it depends on her mothers attitude, like you said. Or it can be her father was doormat or simply an azzhole or some sexual abuse etc. And when I watch TV (which I usually dont) men are portraited quite bad.

I just wanted to say its not like no father=nut case.

 

Many people can rise above horrible circumstances so I won't judge every woman that had not father but if a woman is a manhater or has issues with men it is easy to tell where it most likely comes from.

[DanielMadr]

I would respect my boss if they are a natural leader and if they can foster a good working realtionship with me and I trusted them. If they are nice is not such a bad thing but there is a thing of being nice but hard. That is what we should accomplsih. Nice but stern when we have to be.

 

If a woman has a problem with being wooed, she should tell the man instead of resorting to dumbass tactics that pushed the man away. A strange coping mechanism. it's just gonna make her look like an jackass uncapable of dealing with true emotions and raw feelings.

 

But then again you need a real woman who's got her **** together and got her mind right to show you how it's done.

 

Their attitude goes to cave-times probably. Sensitive guys got eaten first:D

[DanielMadr]

Many people can rise above horrible circumstances so I won't judge every woman that had not father but if a woman is a manhater or has issues with men it is easy to tell where it most likely comes from.

 

I totaly agree.

[Virgo1982]

There is lot of truth in it.

 

With azzholes you get more drama, you can dump them without much remorse and stay free.

 

For your problem.....your inner-wussy coming out. You know there is fine line between being confident and nice and being nice b/c one is insecure. Question your fears. And simply dont love a girl unless she has something to offer first. You have to be more picky and demanding. After all you might end up living your life beside her. Dont get weak. Dont ever get weak. Never ever. Once you do. She will loose her respect for you and game over. If you still need someone like your mom to take care of you....to be sure she never leaves you, b/c mums rarely leaves then wake up man. This phase of your life ended. Now you are on your own. Its not that tough. Dont be afraid of it.

 

I can definitely relate to that. People want the real you. Bottom line. If you're being nice because you're insecure, people can pick up on that like bloodhounds in close proximity to a t-bone steak. No one wants to be with someone who is insecure unless they are insecure themselves and that is a disaster waiting to happen anyway.

[Davis]

it's not about being an a'hole OR a nice guy. It's all about "how you carry yourself". Poking fun at the girls, being naughty, treating them as if THEY can't have you is in a weird way... creating attraction. Not answering every call, acting aloof, being emotionally unavailable ISN'T being an a-hole. It's more like.... "Being fine with WHO you are, confident and comfortable with or without them in your life." creates the ultimate attraction. It's human nature to want what you can't have. And NOT want, what you know you have. Keeping the attraction is the hardest part. Falling back into the ol' "wuss" qualities is what kills the attraction. Some could argue... but it's still the truth. No guy OR girl wants to be with someone that is too available...

 

Kdark: My last gf put me on the same page as you and I'm 40. I used to be a player in my early 20s. Then I thought to get a good girl and have a relationship I would have to be a nice guy, so I changed. What a mistake. All that got me was girls dumping me and many broken hearts. So now at 40 I'm going back to my old ways.

 

2ndIINone and I are totally on the same page. Text book stuff 2nd!!. You don't have to be a total a-hole. I wouldn't even term it "a-hole". You're going to be a MAN, not a wuss! So, learn to not always be available, don't return calls right away, be cocky, be confident, be busy, etc. Stay in charge and in control. Women, by instinct are attracted to a strong male. I'm struggling with doing this with the current girl I'm dating (check out my thread). You don't have to be mean to women. If you meet a nice girl you can "lighten" your strategies some. If they're players, step up your game. You don't have to run over women or break their hearts for revenge or any other reason, just don't go back to being a wuss and a doormat even if you get married. NEVER!!

 

Many here will argue that these are just games, but it is the reality of life and dating. It is basic human nature and sexual instinct. Maybe for some very few and lucky people they meet the right person and they can be themselves. IMO, very few. I would be curious how long their relationships or marriages actually last. Many on here argue you should be "yourself" and be a "nice guy". They argue you should respect yourself and others. It just plain does not work that way in the dating world. IMO, I think their ideas are wrong and I'm not going to change my mind nor are they going to change their minds. No point arguing with members, we just disagree and that's fine. Keep doing what you're doing. Go to askmen.com and start doing some reading online about dating women and being a player.

[Davis]

the guy I'm dating now is a total hottie...very intelligent, hot, popular, fun, a bit of a handful but also very affectionate and thoughtful (as he has a lot of girls after him so could easily be an a-hole if he wanted - but he isn't). Guys are often real a-holes, and believe me, finding a confident hottie who is also sweet? There are a LOT of girls out there looking for that - sounds like you're one of them so don't go changing!!

 

Ha! Finally! A woman proving my point by her own relationship. This is relationship reality. I can guarantee her man is not a wuss or a doormat. He's a bit of a player, (even though he probably doesn't cheat on her (an a-hole as she would label that behavior)) he's got other women chasing him and that makes Torrance continue to want him. I bet he doesn't put up with any of her cr**p and she respects that and likes him for it. IMO, she's totally wrong in her last sentence.

 

I think we're doing too much labeling on this post. Seems like everyone has a little different definition of "a-hole". This has been discussed here on LS many times before that you have to be a mix; part jerk and part nice guy. That doesn't mean that you have to be an abusive a-hole nor mistreat them. Nor does it mean that you have to be a wuss and a puppy dog. Be confident and don't put up with any crap. Women will test you all the time, so don't ever let your guard down and be a puss. You know, most of the women on LS will claim they want a "nice guy". The reality is that they want a MAN. I bet their nice guy boyfriends aren't always so nice and if they're wusses, they'll lose interest and break up with him. Keep on your plan of not being a wuss!

[Trialbyfire]

Guys, if you run around being someone you're not, the hammer will fall sooner or later.