forbidden fruit Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Why do I miss mm even though he is probably the worst person for me? When will this feeling go away and when will this excruciating hurt in my heart fade. I know I made the right decision to walk away from the so called friendship and the affair. I could still be involved with him, but I have noticed for alot of the ow it is not enough once they get emotionally involved and for some reason for the mm it is not the case. I am married too so it has not so mich with being married. My mm said he could not lose everything but then why was I willing to give it all up. Well maybe it is time to face the fact maybe he does not care enough and maybe for the mm it is all about the sex even though that is not what they tell you time and time again. Seeing him everyday is awful. I am afraid I am still too weak and I will cave when he comes back around. Any words of encouragment would be great
torranceshipman Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I think your M is the problem, forget the MM and sort that out. If its over with your H, then leave him...then consider other things later.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I don't know that its the actual man you miss, so much as it is the hope/wishful thinking of the relationship you thought you could have with him that you miss. You built up a version of this guy in your head and in your heart that simply outpaced the real guy, and that guy in your heart and head who was supposed to save your heart is who you miss - not the actual living breathing bastard that destroyed your heart. He represented a new beginning, a new love, an injection of passion and hope for a new life. It was based a lot on what you are missing in your life now. You didn't want him, so much as you needed him. You needed him to save you from your life. I can't help but to wonder that he picked up on your neediness and he simply didn't want to be that knight in shining armor. He just wanted to play on the side, and enjoy the life he already has without having to lose anything. You were willing to give up everything, because you had convinced yourself that he was going to catch you when you jumped ship and landed. He didn't want to give up everything because he never intended to jump ship in the first place. When will this feeling go away and when will this excruciating hurt in my heart fade. When you give up your hope and wishful thinking. And frankly, given how unhappy and unfulfilled you are in the life you have I don't see that happening any time soon. Giving up a person is fairly easy - you simply make sure you don't see them or hear from them for oh... six months or so. They fade over time. Unfortunately, its not the person you are addicted to - its the hope/wishful thinking about your miscarried relationship that you are addicted to. Giving up when you have at least something to fall back on is one thing. Giving up when you feel that you have nothing left is another. I expect you are holding on, because your hopes and wishful thinking are the only positive things you have left in your life right now. I expect the mindset is "Better to hold on to that than to give up and resign yourself to a bleak reality."
Meaplus3 Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Why do I miss mm even though he is probably the worst person for me? When will this feeling go away and when will this excruciating hurt in my heart fade. I know I made the right decision to walk away from the so called friendship and the affair. I could still be involved with him, but I have noticed for alot of the ow it is not enough once they get emotionally involved and for some reason for the mm it is not the case. I am married too so it has not so mich with being married. My mm said he could not lose everything but then why was I willing to give it all up. Well maybe it is time to face the fact maybe he does not care enough and maybe for the mm it is all about the sex even though that is not what they tell you time and time again. Seeing him everyday is awful. I am afraid I am still too weak and I will cave when he comes back around. Any words of encouragment would be great "I know I made the right decision to walk away from the so called friendship and the affair." FF, You did make the right decision to walk away! Don't let him come around! You really need to put your foot down here if you ever want to be free from this mess. I know it's not easy and you know it too. The longer the NC stick's the less of an emotional attachment you will feel. I don't think he ever really cared about you as much as you have cared about him, he's played to many games with you. As for what he did at the birthday party, it's just sick FF! Why be associated with a pig like that? Remember these sick bad thing's and keep those thought's up as much as you can! My Best to you Girlfriend! AP:)
Author forbidden fruit Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 "I know I made the right decision to walk away from the so called friendship and the affair." FF, You did make the right decision to walk away! Don't let him come around! You really need to put your foot down here if you ever want to be free from this mess. I know it's not easy and you know it too. The longer the NC stick's the less of an emotional attachment you will feel. I don't think he ever really cared about you as much as you have cared about him, he's played to many games with you. As for what he did at the birthday party, it's just sick FF! Why be associated with a pig like that? Remember these sick bad thing's and keep those thought's up as much as you can! My Best to you Girlfriend! AP:) Thank you so much AP. You are so right the longer I go Nc th easier it is. Now I am going through the feelings of being used. I don't feel special to him because he is in such a bad marriage tht he would of had an affair with just about anyone. I feel gross and now realize everything he said was a lie. The sad thing is now he knows I know he was full of **** and all i get is an apology. I think he thinks he needs to give me more time to settle down, but the longer he stays away the better it is for me. Everyday is a new emotion and frankly I am exhausted. When will the day come when i can look across the street and now feel anything goood or bad?
Meaplus3 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Thank you so much AP. You are so right the longer I go Nc th easier it is. Now I am going through the feelings of being used. I don't feel special to him because he is in such a bad marriage tht he would of had an affair with just about anyone. I feel gross and now realize everything he said was a lie. The sad thing is now he knows I know he was full of **** and all i get is an apology. I think he thinks he needs to give me more time to settle down, but the longer he stays away the better it is for me. Everyday is a new emotion and frankly I am exhausted. When will the day come when i can look across the street and now feel anything goood or bad? Hi FF, Going through the feeling's is so normal. As you have seen so far, the longer NC goes so goes the connection. In my case it was emotional and NC broke that. I know you had a PA and EA so I am sure your feeling's are more intense than mine, however I now believe NC is the only way. I now make sure that I don't look his way, limit the time his kid's spend with mine and I will not answer the phone if he or his W call's for the children. I have my kid's answer it so I do not have to speak to him or his wife ever again. I thought perhap's I could be neighbourly, NO! To much has happened and I have hurt to much to be so called "Neighbourly with them". As far as I am concearned they are the neighbor's up the street that I never got to know. When can you look over there and not feel good or bad? I can't answer that for you, because I think the day will come and you will know. FF, Please always know how much I feel for you. Best wishes and if you need to PM me Girl! AP:)
Tomcat33 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Why do you miss anything that is bad for you? because often times the things that are bad for us can also make us feel good. Why do we miss sweets, or junk food when on a diet, because it gives us pleasure. Much like the outcome of eating junk food or too many sweets we miss the good stuff not the aftermath. :-)
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