jaycie724 Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Hey All, So as you know from my past posts...I have a terrible ex-fiancee who cheated on me after over 6 years of being together. He's a liar...the worst kind of liar and I know that he has serious mental issues that he needs to deal with. As a result he spent almost 3 months treating me like garbage. He moved out a little overa week ago and I've been doing better than I thought I would...even though it's been terribly difficult for me. But hey, I made it to day 9 and I'm still alive Anyway, he and I had been talking on the phone (rarely) and via text messaging (daily). I didn't think the texting would be a problem because I knew that just because he texted me, it didn't change the situation. If anything, it sort of reminded me what an idiot he is and made it a little bit easier for me to cope. However, I've been catching him in more lies...pointless things that he really has no reason to lie to me about (ie: in conversation I asked him if he had any plans this coming week and he lied and told me that he had to work until his store closed every day this week...even though I knew that his store would not schedule him 9 days in a row). I mean, he could have just said "nothing special" because I was just making small talk. You know? Anyway, I realized that I'm not getting anything out of this communication with him and I think I've decided to go ahead and initial NC with him...especially after all of the advice I've gotten in that direction from you fine folks I'm scared though...about going a whole day without talking to him. How do I fight the urge to text him? Its just such a bad habit thats so hard to break (yet I could quit smoking, go figure). Anyway, does anyone have any advice or encouragement for me? I really could use some of both. Thanks so much Jaycie
2ndIINone Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 How do I fight the urge to text him?How do you fight the urge to text the person you were with for six years, engaged to and the one that cheated on you???? Question should be... why do you even want to text him? He cheated on you... remember? Don't forget that. You shouldn't be making small talk.... you shouldn't care what his plans are for the following weekend...you shouldn't be texting him, calling him, ..... his @ss should've been cut off cold turkey the day you found out about the cheating. If you continue to give him attention then what lesson has he learned??? You're basically telling him you accept his behavior and forgive him.... for the worst possible scenerio... cheating. Cheating on you = no respect for you. So why do you still respect him?
neiu Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 You're worried that you can't make it through the day without the lies and bs this guy has to say to you? hmmm...last time i checked it's usually when people are nice and compliment you and genuinely want you to feel good. I for one wouldn't look back, I would be running far far away and never look back. Cheating is a deal breaker. Nothing else to it, hard to do nc i'm sure for the fact you were to be married but hey it's better that you know now what kind of jerk he is then have the whole wedding and spend all that money only to have the trouble of going through a divorce and have more heartache. Forget about him, there's nothing left. Keep busy and focus your attention to other areas in your life and block him out of your life.
New Hope Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 NO CONTACT HIS ASS FOR GOOD!!..u dont need that kinda guy in ur life...yes its hard to lose a love but thats life and the fear of loss, stops you from gaining someone much greater....get busy with your life and focus on improving yourself...Not him!! yourself....dont be scare of no contact..it works like a charm..it'll heal you!! dont worry about ur ex, as men we all come back we when realize the grass anit greener on the other side..plus ur ex anit ready to be marry if he's still cheating...U should move one with your life and get with someone who's worth it!!!
2ndIINone Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Looks like some the posts/advice are pretty blunt and cold... Don't take that to heart or be disrespected about it. No harm intended... it's just... well, to read how a woman was cheated on and she still continues to keep the cheater in her life... displays a low selfasteem. Something you DON'T need right now. You are definately sad about the situation, and most likely far from being angry. You have to realize, you didn't cheat, you didn't make him cheat... and you didn't deserve it... therefore, he doesn't deserve you OR to have you in his life.
Ssheena Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 You can do it Jaycie. You have made it 9 days, he's moved out, you've handled everything so far..now, dump him. Switch it around so that you are dumping him. You don't want anything to do with him because he is a cheater and still lieing to you and not treating you with any respect. If you feel like texting him or calling him...just send it to yourself. Good luck!
Author jaycie724 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Well I did it. I talked to him last night and told him that we should go NC immediately. I know that in the long run it will be better. Its just really hard right now to fight something that has over 6.5 years become such a habitual part of my life. It's weird for me going through the days without talking to him or hearing from him. Yet, when I do talk to him...I'm usually annoyed. Anyway, I did it. And I'm having a hard time letting go. It heals with time though..you all have said so. Thank you all for being so blunt...I needed that!
AriaIncognito Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Great job! You finally decided to put yourself first. I so understand what you mean. My ex and I used to text almost daily, if not that, email all day at work. I thought I'd not make it through the work days not seeing his emails in my inbox, but well, just as you get used to something coming, you also get used to something going. He doesn't deserve my attention because he believes he can do better. Good luck to him, he won't find better, he can mark my words. I on the other hand, will. I will find someone who loves me as much as I love them, and someone who won't give me the "i'm conflicted" bs every 13 seconds. F them. (guess I'm moving towards the angry stage? lol Day 8 of NC.)
New Hope Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I agree with the posters!! i know how u feel, my ex was part of my life for 6 years but stuff happens and u do what u gotta do...life moves on...im glad ur getting ur act together
2ndIINone Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I talked to him last night and told him that we should go NC immediately. You told him your plans??? Did he take you seriously? Personally, he really doesn't deserve to know that you decided to go NC.... cause in his mind, it's like you saying..."I can't handle talking to you (Im' still attached) so it's best that I don't... (because I still love you) I'm gonna try and do what's best for me... (and I need your permission), so please, let's not talk anymore cause it hurts me..." He will call, he will contact you, he will driveby, stalk, write, email...text.... down the road..... are you prepared?
norajane Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Well I did it. I talked to him last night and told him that we should go NC immediately. I know that in the long run it will be better. Its just really hard right now to fight something that has over 6.5 years become such a habitual part of my life. It's weird for me going through the days without talking to him or hearing from him. Yet, when I do talk to him...I'm usually annoyed. Anyway, I did it. And I'm having a hard time letting go. It heals with time though..you all have said so. Thank you all for being so blunt...I needed that! Eating was a habitual part of your life, too, but you stopped eating for weeks when you found out about all this...just remember that next time you get the urge to text...he is the man who made you unable to even swallow soup...no way you should swallow his cheating and let him feel better about himself by hearing from you.
Author jaycie724 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 You told him your plans??? Did he take you seriously? Personally, he really doesn't deserve to know that you decided to go NC.... cause in his mind, it's like you saying..."I can't handle talking to you (Im' still attached) so it's best that I don't... (because I still love you) I'm gonna try and do what's best for me... (and I need your permission), so please, let's not talk anymore cause it hurts me..." He will call, he will contact you, he will driveby, stalk, write, email...text.... down the road..... are you prepared? Well I figured if I told him ahead of time he'd be more likely to leave me alone. So far so good. I was pretty clear that I didn't want to go NC "because I still love and care about him" instead I told him that he should focus more of his time on getting some professional help and less of his time making up lies to tell me. I also told him that he needs to stop wasting my time with pointless lies...that I'm over it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I was clear. (I hope, see now you have me worried). I'm not sure if I'm prepared to deal with him later on down the road or not. I'd like to think that when that time comes, I'll be ready. But whether or not I'm ready at that point, at least I have some really great friends and all of you at LS watching out for me. I think this whole thing is similar to when I quit smoking. I had this bad habit that wasn't any good for me but it was really hard to break. One day I was like "no more, I quit" and I did. That was 4 years ago. Well, with Doug, it's the same thing. Calling and texting him is basically a really bad habit that's no good for me. It's a hard habit to break, but I hit that point yesterday where it was like "no more, I'm done with this, I quit". Right now its taking everything that I can do to remember what a jerk he is (instead of letting my mind drift back to the happy times, etc). Thanks again to everyone for your very blunt and a bit harsh (but absoltely necessary and appreciated) feedback
Author jaycie724 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Eating was a habitual part of your life, too, but you stopped eating for weeks when you found out about all this...just remember that next time you get the urge to text...he is the man who made you unable to even swallow soup...no way you should swallow his cheating and let him feel better about himself by hearing from you. You're right. But on the bright side...I'm not 20lbs lighter and 4 pants sizes smaller and I look really nice. I guess that's a good silver lining
New Hope Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 jaycie724 I told my ex I dont wanna hear from her ever again!! the love of my life that I known for 6 years, her first everything!!..she left, ran back to me to make things workout, didnt want to be held down after trying to make it work..so I told her she never hearing from me again!! almost 3 weeks of NC, how do I feel great!! I deleted my myspace cuz she kept hacking it, plus I anit use it so theres no form of her keeping tabs on me..and look now I met other females...my ex took a gamble on us and made her choice..I told a gamble and ask her to leave my life...with time u gonna see wither u want that person back or not..sometimes u gonna realize is not worth it..right now your confuse because of love BUT THE BIGGEST TRAITOR IS YOUR HEART....just focus on urself....DONT TELL HIM LIKE i said in a earlier post, dont tell him u going into no contact....just do it!!
2ndIINone Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Well, you made the decision... YOUR decision. I hope he respects it, but I don't believe he will. They never do. I'll help you quit your ex.... if you help me quit smoking.... deal? Because apparently, BOTH are very toxic, right?
Author jaycie724 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Well, you made the decision... YOUR decision. I hope he respects it, but I don't believe he will. They never do. I'll help you quit your ex.... if you help me quit smoking.... deal? Because apparently, BOTH are very toxic, right? Yup, both are definately very toxic, though I would argue that my ex is more hurtful than a cigarette I've made it to NC day 3 and up until this morning it was easier than I thought it would be. I woke up today, though, feeling so sad and lonely. It was weird though, I just sat there thinking about all of the terrible things Doug did to me and I didn't want to contact him. I just, I was sad, and hurt, and lonely. I think I miss having someone a whole heck of a lot more than I miss him. It's just tough. Especially since I'm in my mid-twenties now and I had been with him since I was 18. It's tough being an adult on your own when you've never really had to do that before. But, look how far I've come since I first posted here...I'm trying to just be proud of myself and stay strong the best I can. Some days are easier than others...today's one of the tough days.
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