do I tell him or not???

[Guest]

Ok after a long relationship that was not so good it all ended 3 weeks ago.

 

It was a bad break up cops involved and everything. We fight all the time because I have to have things my way and I have to have it now. I am sorry for the way that I have treated him for the past 3.5 years cuz it has been really bad. I never knew how mean I was to him until I have to clean out my house and seen the things that I did, Physically to it. I am ashamed and freeked out.

 

I cry all the time about the memories of this. I have alot of fears that I do not know how to get over either, Meeting people that he knew and I did not know, I would never do anything with all of them together so he always went alone. his hobbies I like all of them but again being with other people that he knew and I did not. I have insucuritys big time about myself with m weight, I was 123 pound then went to 196 pounds, I think I slept in our bed 6 months out the the 3.5 years.

 

I would say no to sex because I did not want him to see me. He never said anything about my body and the weight, it was me again knowing this and feeling this. It hurt him so much he thought that it was him and instead of saying it is not you I said nothing and let him believe that... SOOO WRONG!!!!

 

I have inrolled in a gym and do aqua fit as of tomorrow night, I want the weight off... I started to go to see a counselor and doin also anger managment.. I am not doing this for him I am doing this all for myself because I see what I did and it was so wrong..

 

We are meeting up on Thursday night and we still do chat a bit. He told me that he loved me tonight then tried to cover it up fast but I heard it and told him, he giggled, we hung up and I called him back he answerd the phone saying what do you want, i said well just to let you know I love you too, again he giggled and said ok.

 

Question is should I let him know that I now see what I did and how it is making me feel plus I am getting help for this?

 

I do not want to see this end 100% or have him close the door 100% on me, I would like for him to see the girl he met 4 years ago and i know it is going to take a long time to fix me but it will show up one day

 

pls pls psl help I do not know what to say to him or leave it all alone..

 

thanks

[MattNZ]

To me its a no brainer - you tell him how you feel!

 

The important thing is that with the space you now find yourself in, you are able to look back and see areas for improvement. It is a huge step that you have gone to counselling and also sought help for the anger management. You should let him know you are undergoing these therapies.

 

If he sees you are willing to implement changes and try to modify your behaviour, for the better, it gives you a much greater chance than if you keep schtum and let him continue to believe it was him.

 

Be honest and sincere with him and hopefully he will see you are serious about improving things, not just for the relationship, but for YOU too and then see how he feels about everything.

[Guest]

I am so scared that he will reject me and tell me straight that there is no way.

He does not call me I call him, he answers everytime and we chat a bit(he is not a big talker). Thank you for saying that, I needed to hear it from someone that is not in my circle.