MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I'm over 40, separated, been in relationships, been just dating, but I have finally met the man of my dreams. He is very good looking, I think I'm attractive but I'm not a "hottie" or "eye candy", I'm just a mom, a bit nerdy, I don't think he has a nerdy bone in his body. He's very sexy, I'm more of a cutie LOL. We fooled around a bit and he gave me a look I have only seen from players, but knowing he is looking for a long-term relationship helps ease this insecurity. I could really fall for this guy. We've had two dates and over 6 hrs on the phone. I want to spend more time with him of course, to get to know each other better. We already know lots of "things" about each other, but ohhhh I want to do this right and not screw up or get hurt. I'm not super insecure, I don't get jealous, pretty easy going, but I'm scared that I might be too shy or laid back or uninteresting for him. It seems like hard work to try and come up with interesting conversation and I get really quiet, like I'm a bit intimidated and he's out of my league. But he calls, texts, kisses me and has made it obvious that we will be seeing more of each other. Has anyone else out there felt they met someone out of their league and yet things worked out?
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 There is no such thing as leagues. You either have chemistry or you don't. Relax and enjoy it!
alphamale Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 this guys a player, I can smell it from here...
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Give it time and just enjoy getting to know eachother. Also, shield your heart abit, don't wear it on your sleeve. Time will tell to see if he is a player and just looking for some fun or if he really truely is into you. For now, he seems to be liking you and your company, so don't question it! If you see any red flags, come and post about it and we'll help decipher what he is doing!
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Some good advice here but it's always a good idea not to fall hard for anyone at the onset of dating, whether you sense they are players or not.
Tony T Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Has anyone else out there felt they met someone out of their league and yet things worked out? What happened to your self esteem? Human beings and human beings and do not exist in various leagues. Stop thinking of yourself being in some category. Just enjoy the relationship and, if you must, work on moving to a new league...haha! I don't think the guy's a player at all. Player's don't spend hours and hours on the phone with a lady they just want to bed. He may not be the man you spend the rest of your life with...but he certainly sounds like a good candidate.
norajane Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I have finally met the man of my dreams. He is very good looking He's very sexy We fooled around a bit and he gave me a look I have only seen from players I could really fall for this guy. Well, is the man of your dreams just good looking and sexy and you have chemistry? Dial it down a notch, sweets. Just because he's hot doesn't make him the man of your dreams, nor does it make him anything but 'hot'. Don't be intimidated by his appearance - his exes don't care that he was hot when they broke up. It is not looks that place someone in or out of your league - it is character that truly matters. Make sure you know his character before giving your heart away.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Give it time and just enjoy getting to know eachother. Also, shield your heart abit, don't wear it on your sleeve. Time will tell to see if he is a player and just looking for some fun or if he really truely is into you. For now, he seems to be liking you and your company, so don't question it! If you see any red flags, come and post about it and we'll help decipher what he is doing! Yeah I think I will protect my heart but not be too timid either. He's very outgoing and usually does alot of the talking, I don't mind, I am a great listener! We just talked on the phone again, and tentatively set a date for next weekend ( I have the kids this week and need to trade a day with my exH for the weekend but he owes me one anyway). Thanks WWIU I will definitely post any red flags.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Well, is the man of your dreams just good looking and sexy and you have chemistry? Dial it down a notch, sweets. Just because he's hot doesn't make him the man of your dreams, nor does it make him anything but 'hot'. Don't be intimidated by his appearance - his exes don't care that he was hot when they broke up. It is not looks that place someone in or out of your league - it is character that truly matters. Make sure you know his character before giving your heart away. Mostly from his online profile, he is a complete gentleman and vowed that the breakfast in bed and opening car doors and goes on and on and on will continue and aren't just at the start of dating. We talked alot about respect and trust. His last gf left him high and dry several months ago, so he is ready to move on. He definitely has the character traits I am interested in. I will be myself, and if he isn't into "a bit nerdy" like me then why try to be someone I'm not. Maybe I just haven't gotten to know his nerdy side haha. I do need to look up some more conversation topics since today's phone call was pretty quiet, but I was tired. Thanks for the posts! Maybe it really is my turn to be truly happy
JCD Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I would spend less time on phone and more time one on one. A lot of mushy stuff doesn't really require any talk at all and it forms bond better than over phone talking. It also gives you time off from each other that when you do see each other that there will be something to talk about as you two try to catch up.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I have been making lists of things to talk about on the phone, and it's not easy to do! Maybe I won't call him tonight, or just keep it short, if he calls first. We are getting together this weekend. Because we live about 40 miles apart, it's not easy to just jump in the car and go over there or vice versa.
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Show him your humor.. Next time he calls answer the phone " 911 whats your emergency " and see what he does.. or answer the phone " MWC_LifeBeginsAt40's ( or any person's name ) massage parlor.. We squeeze to please how may I help you ?" Show him the real MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 not some thought up person on paper.. Laugh it up with himm.. Humor is about the only connector I use for women in my life..All of my past GF's have had great humors and were really funny people and great to be around becuase of that connection,.
johan Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Show him your humor.. Next time he calls answer the phone " 911 whats your emergency " and see what he does.. or answer the phone " MWC_LifeBeginsAt40's ( or any person's name ) massage parlor.. We squeeze to please how may I help you ?" I agree with Art, except I recommend you actually say something funny.
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I agree with Art, except I recommend you actually say something funny. ....
SouthernT Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I agree with Art, except I recommend you actually say something funny. LOL!! :lmao:
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I agree with Art, except I recommend you actually say something funny. That's funny!
Road Rage Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Anyone who thinks a guy would not spend hours and hours on the phone with a gal he just wanted to bed does not know much about men. I will make a prediction that after they have done the deed a while ( because she wants it as bad as him) she will see him quite differently. But, it was there to see from day one. Oh! What a tangled web we weave:cool:
Mustang Sally Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Or cynical, or whatever. But I'd be very wary MWC. Not because you are "out of his league" but because usually when something seems too good to be true, it is. I hope I am wrong about this, and maybe my radar is off because of the medium we are communicating through (written notes on the internet), but I am getting PLAYER vibes off your posts just like alpha. Good luck, but proceed with caution.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 As I get to know him, I am feeling more comfortable, but also nervous because he IS too good to be true, and yeah, I know what 'they' say. We started talking about sex and we have talked about it before, (in detail) and my words got jumbled and he asked me if he made me nervous, and I think that made him uncomfortable. I guess I'm just intimidated because I've never ever dated anyone like him! He seems to have it all, all the looks, the values, great job, great house, and I have all that too but in the past I have had a hard time sticking to 'my' values because of the jerks I've dated in the past and being too timid to say 'hey buddy, hands off, show some respect!' I can be funny! I can do that! But it's more of a goofy funny, my immature side, so I don't want to come off having no class. And I am one of those people who stupidly laughs after everything I say! I can be such a nerd! I have to plan our date for Saturday...since the last two dates we did things that were his idea. Any suggestions? I thought of either a bike ride, then BBQ at his place. Or a drive somewhere to see the geese coming in, or something like that. I could invite him to my place but he has to get up early, should I give him the option 'you're place or mine?' Oh I need help!!! LOL I don't want to blow this one. He did tell me that he was vulnerable when he met his last gf and she broke his heart, so he may have a wall up for a while longer than me. I tried to explain that I have walls too and we don't need to rush. Just because I brokeup with my last bf doesn't mean I've never been heartbroken (I didn't say that part). So we agreed we are on the same page with where this is going.
Butterflying Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 What you've described about him are things that all straight woman want in a man. Why would a woman leave him high and dry? In all relationships, both people are responsible for breakups. This man is basically whisking you off your feet. Those are not the actions of a man whose heart is broken. So this part seems fishy that he would "warn" you about him keeping his guard up. When something works, it works on it's own. You don't have to over analyze everything the way that you're doing. You really need to work on your self-esteem. Planning a date with him shouldn't be this difficult. You seem to put him on a pedal stool much higher than yourself. By now, he is aware of this. If you really don't want to ruin this, you need to get yourself together, quick. Stop worrying if you are good enough for him. If he is the right person for you, he will like your goofy, no class having, cuteness! He will not want you to change anything. So plan your date this weekend to do whatever you feel like doing. Don't worry about what he thinks of it.
norajane Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I guess I'm just intimidated because I've never ever dated anyone like him! He seems to have it all, all the looks, the values, great job, great house, and I have all that too but It doesn't matter if you've ever dated anyone like him. YOU have the same external features he has. Why add a 'but'? There is no 'but'. You have the looks, the values, great job, great house and a sense of humor. So why do you think he's better than you, why do you think you aren't worthy of him? You should be asking if he is truly worthy of you in terms of character and compatibility, in terms of your internal qualities and features. You cannot treat him as though he is a god because he is only human - dating is about getting to know someone and assessing compatibility, not deciding they are perfect and you must live up to your idea of his perfection in order to keep him.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Thanks Butterfly and Norajane....pedal stool that's cute, I think you meant pedestal. I know all this, it's common sense, and I need to make sure HE is good enough for ME. But I need to get over being so nervous and excited, get myself together, how? How do I do that? I think next time we get on a topic that I find uncomfortable, I will take a huge deep breath, and talk slowwwwly. Tell him what my values are and what I expect, not what I've had in my past. He has been out of his last relationship for about 8 months and that is how long it lasted. His mom was dying and he had been taking care of her and was vulnerable. He said he doesn't want to open himself up that way until he is sure, and I respect that. I believe him. Um..I have a feeling I know why she left him...some of the sex details we talked about, well, I'm not sure alot of women are into what he is, but I am. He also told me he likes me and has feelings for me, I told him I like him and want to pursue this too. r-e-l-a-x is what I need to do, I know... common sense right. easier said than done sometimes. I read Dr Phil Love Smart and I think I will speed-read it again before this weekend and instill deep inside myself my true values!
windchimes Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 No man is ever out of your league if you know how to stroke his ego and seduce him. Once you learn how to do those two things well, you can have any man you want. Problem is, you might just get them hooked on YOU and then decide you don't want them. So, take it slowly and wait to see if his demon horns start to show. Too bad there's not a significant holiday coming up. That's always a good time to flesh out a player. If he's seeing others, he won't be able to spend New Year's Eve with you, right?
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I know he isn't dating anyone else right now. He explained that he only sees one at a time. I am much the same, I would feel very uncomfortable dating two men, even kissing them. I cancelled a date that I had previously made for last Sat because I felt creeped out by the guy and wanted to go out with my dream guy. LOL I emailed a very good friend of mine, who I sort of dated but always ran into him having no time for me. I asked him the question about my nervousness, because things were much the same with him at the start. He told me that I seem very confident now, and I could date any guy I choose, and he said (and I quote) "Your intelligence, personality and body is a sexy package".
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