wa2ez2003 Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I have been with my girfriend for 7 years, we are engaged. The problem is, is that she has left 3 times in the past and every time she decides to come back and i let her. Recently she approached me and said she love's me but is not in love with me but still wants to live together with our 2 kids saying she wants to see if she falls back in love with me. Any ways is this possible or am i just being an idiot and letting her stay for the sake of our 2 kids or is she just playing me and waiting for a chance for something better too come around? I love her and want to work things out but I am leaving it up to a website to decide cause I am at my wits end with her. I am totally 100% committed to her and love my children more than anything in this world but am afraid they will grow up watching there dad get hurt. Please i need good advice thank you.
thecount Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 wa2ez, I have been there, I was married to my EX-wife for 10 years. It should have never lasted that long. After 2 years of being married she told me the samething your woman told you. She loves me, but doesn't know if she's inlove with me anymore. I can only tell you my experience here. Yours might be different, but this happend when someone else started paying attention to her. When that person stopped paying attention to her. All of the sudden she was inlove with me again. hummmmm... Then after another year, the samething happend, and so on and so forth. I just kept taking her back, time and time again. I stayed all the time because of my son. During all that time, all my son saw was how his mother treated his father like dirt. It wasn't good for him. He told me one day at the age of 8. Dad I think you should divorce mom. It's a big kick in the ass when an 8 year old paints a perfect picture for you. When I did finally leave, I had no selfesteem left. Nothing! Don't do this to yourself. I lost 8 years of me being happy, or meeting someone else that would make me happy. Don't miss out on life because you think you're doing the right thing for your kids. The right thing to do is to be happy. As long as you're a good father. that's what your kids are going to see. Whether you're living with them or not. Do what you think and feel is best for you at this point. I know you love her and would do anything for her, but you can't make someone love you or fall inlove with you. It's either they do or they don't. Just that simple. She's already left you 3 times, she tells you that she's not inlove with you. my guess is that she's going to leave again. After I got divorced, my ex found out that she was inlove with me.and wanted to see if I would come back. Not a chance, I wasn't with anyone else at that time. I just didn't want her. I was happy just being me. I bet that must of hurt.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 3 times??? dude once is enough but 3? Take your two kids and raise them on your own,, this woman doesnt have the capacity to be married. Some people in the world that have children cant be everything. I realize that now. I'd say take the ring back and split up. Go for 50/50 custody and have the kids live with you. Maybe she's addicted to being in love. That's why she keeps leaving but if that's the case then it's very unhealthy mentally do you want your kids to suffer any of that?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Recently she approached me and said she love's me but is not in love with me but still wants to live together with our 2 kids saying she wants to see if she falls back in love with me. She's using you until something better comes along. Honestly, your best bet is to give her the boot - kick her out on her keister. Before you do that though, you'll need to find out what your legal rights are to your children since you aren't married. The last thing you want to happen is for her to use those children as an emotional blackmail chip to keep you where she wants you.
Citizen Erased Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I agree with the others, enough is enough. She is not the person for you. You have children, so that's delicate, but do you really want to wait around for the next time she leaves you? She has already told you she isn't in love with you, we cannot know her true reasons, but that should be enough. You deserve someone who can give them self entirely to you, but I'm sorry to say she is not that person. Consult a lawyer in regards to custody, and try to settle this amicably. Go into individual counseling so you can get the strength you will need to get through this. You will need to be strong for your kids, this is not the living situation they deserve, I know from experience how hard it is to have your mum or dad moving out every so often and then coming back. Children need stability and I really hope you can provide that. Good luck
Author wa2ez2003 Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Thank you all who replied, and i did take evr1's advice and did ask her to leave and told her that it was for good. Anyways thank you and as far as the kids go they are with me, bc she realizes she can't do it without me and told me she will see them when she can. Thankyou:D
Citizen Erased Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Thank you all who replied, and i did take evr1's advice and did ask her to leave and told her that it was for good. Anyways thank you and as far as the kids go they are with me, bc she realizes she can't do it without me and told me she will see them when she can. Thankyou:D Congrats and good luck with your new life
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