Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 everyone has giving me wonderful advice and it really helps me deal with everything right now. I'm doing okay dealing with my grandma's death . their is so much love and support for her. I know that god is taking care of her. I am concerned about my father and my grandpa though, they are taking pretty hard (as to be expected). With my ex for the most part I am doing okay, it's funny because in my previous break ups the nights were always the toughest but in this one its the mornings that seem really tough, especially because I had a dream about her this morning. anyways I am trying to take everybody's advice and minimize contact, I can't completely cut contact because she is taking car of the dogs. yesterday when I found out my grandma passed I turned off my phone and left not telling my ex where I went. she eventually called my dad to see what was going on and then asked to talk to me, she asked why i didn't tell her and i said that I didn't want to concern her with it. she asked me if there was anything she can do and I said she shouldn't worry about me or my family. she said I was acting stupid and I told her I had to go I would call later. She eventually called again and said why i didnt call back and I said I forgot. Am I being stupid? In her defense I know that it wasn't the best time to do what she did, but if that is how she felt then it is what it is. It's better now than to pretend to care and do it later. I'm okay with the breakup and when she did it, I'm just very hurt that it seems like shes the happiest person in the world right now. I just keep thinking about her and her ex and her being so happy with her decision that it really breaks my heart. About the apartment, we are both on the lease but it does expire at the end of this month, so I told her not to give me rent after this month, She is back at her parents who live 5 minutes away from us. Its just so stupid, what really pissed me off was yesterday she was like can I still come over and watch tv. I just feel like she crushed my heart and is just rubbing it in my face. and sometimes I catch myself thinking of the good times and it really gets me down. My head doesn't want her back and my heart kinda doesn't either, its just I want her to realize her mistake of choosing him or at least seem sad about losing me. But that is just wishful thinking.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 I just recently spoke with my ex because she has the dogs and was supposed to drop them off and didn't. we talked and she was all pissed that I'm playing games with her, being short with her on the phone and even texting her about the dogs instead of calling. I told her I'm not playing games with her, I just want to minimize contact with her because I'm not ready to be her friend, I told her I have so much to deal with and its still hurts for me to speak with her and that I also don't want to concern her with my affairs. I did make a mistake I asked her if she was with her ex when we talked and she said does it matter, its none of your business but no she wasn't. I said your right , my fault. The dogs r becoming a pretty big issue, we both love them but we can't be without them. I offered to do a weekly thing, I have them one week then she has them but she said she can't handle a week without them, thats probably what made her cry because it sounded like she was about to cry. My question to everybody, what do I do about the dogs? and how do I avoid her without making it seem like I'm playing games with her?
annabelle75 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Sounds like she is feeling emotionally unstable. She probably got mad at you because things didn't work with the ex and you haven't been there to cushion the rejection. Its only a guess but she seems to be feeling kind of needy. I know with the dogs in the situation it is hard to deal with. I have a daughter with my ex husband and things were very strained for us both at first. For period of time we agreed to limit our conversations to be about her. It really helped us both get through it. We are friends now and get along very well but that took time to develop. If she is not Ok with giving you time to heal and just communicating about the dogs you may have to consider giving the dogs up or perhaps each of you taking one. It sucks but it may be the only way for you to heal.
2ndIINone Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 My question to everybody, what do I do about the dogs? and how do I avoid her without making it seem like I'm playing games with her? The dogs are your ONLY concern.... what you should do with them??? I dunno... family... friends... shelter? As far as her accusing you of playing games???? That's just plain selfishness on her part as well as a little manipulation... YOU have every right to distant yourself and you are doing the right thing. The next time she brings it up... just simply say.... "You made your choice... therefore I made mine" she honestly doesn't need any explanation from you. She's just trying to get you to beg and whine.... DON'T FALL FOR IT. She's sooooooooo selfish. She's lucky you even have minimal contact with her.... because I still suggest NO contact at all.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I had the dogs yesterday and she wanted me to bring them to her houde this morning but instead I called her to tell her that I am gonna stay in town today so Ill keep the dogs today and tonight and she can have them thurs and fri. I told her to call my cell and leave a message on my cell to let me know its okay(my cell is off). I was gonna text her right now to tell her the dogs are okay but its not a good idea. Man this is so hard its like I'm trying to move on then I think of my grandma then I think of her, then I think of her and her ex and I just breaks me up inside.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I appreciate everybody's support and I'm sorry my thread won't end it really helps me when I post on here.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I was at work today and my ex stopped by, she said that she went shopping and locked her keys in the car and needed a ride to her house to get them. I gave her a ride but the whole time we kept the talk small and nothing about the relationship. I noticied she got hair extension and told her it looked nice. She said that she needed a change because she felt ugly and I said you shouldn't feel that way. Then I dropped her off and left. the whole time I was being strong eventhough it was very hard. Did I go to far with the comment or did I play it right? Its bittersweet because she looked kinda sad for the first time so that made me feel better but at the same time it sucks because I know we are just that much farther from what we had and it makes me sad. let me know what you guys think.
2ndIINone Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 grrrrrrrr..... locked her keys in her car??? How convenient. Ya know what my FIRST thought was??? Bullshi*!!! She did it on purpose. Why didn't she call her ex for the ride??? She's up to no good. I don't trust her right now... and neither should you. Forget the compliment about the hair.... thats the least of your worries. But don't goin' being her savior now... She made her bed... let her lay in it. Please work harder on the distance thing.... or she's gonna keep doing what's she's doing now.... f'n with your head.
Dubb Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I was at work today and my ex stopped by, she said that she went shopping and locked her keys in the car and needed a ride to her house to get them. I gave her a ride but the whole time we kept the talk small and nothing about the relationship. I noticied she got hair extension and told her it looked nice. She said that she needed a change because she felt ugly and I said you shouldn't feel that way. Then I dropped her off and left. the whole time I was being strong eventhough it was very hard. Did I go to far with the comment or did I play it right? Its bittersweet because she looked kinda sad for the first time so that made me feel better but at the same time it sucks because I know we are just that much farther from what we had and it makes me sad. let me know what you guys think. You really need to distance yourself man. I know it's hard but you need to realize you are helping her get over you. If you want any chance at this girl you have to back off. I know you will do what you think is best and I agree with that route but just consider what we are saying. Tell her you understand what she is doing and wish her the best but you need to stay away from her for now to heal. Tell her she can only contact you if she has a change of heart. She will be forced to go through this on her own. Don't let her trick you either. Stick to your guns. The only things you want to hear out of her mouth is that she wants to try again.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Your right Dubb I do want to hear it but I don't also. She caught me totally by surprise when she came by and told me her keys were locked( I really think they were because she didn't know I was working) Every day more and more I'm realizing that I don't want her but seeing her was really tough because she looked really good. i am trying to distance myself as much possible. I was okay untill I saw her. eventhough I played it cool it made me sad for awhile after. I already told her that I couldn't see her for awhile. Its just a matter of time before I heal and you to Dubb.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 This chick needs to let you heal and if that means you have to distance yourself and detach then you should do so. Also dont do her anymore favors. She is still feeling her ex right then anything that she needs to get done he can do it for her. That's what I did. I left her and moved on you can do the same but it takes time. Time is all you need.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Man this sucks, Last night I went out with my friends and had a good time and I went home feeling really good. This mornin I woke up feeling like crap. I keep dreaming about her and its not making anything better. Not only do I think about her all day but I dream about her to. It sucks , I reallly miss her right now and I just want to tell her that(I won't). I don't think it has hit me that she is gone and I am really afraid of that moment. I hope I am the right path, I told her I wasn't ready to see her for awhile and I haven't called her or texted her or said i want you back or i love you. I have just been trying to let her go. except for yesterday when she came by my work I haven't seen her or tried to see her.granted its only been 4 days
Dubb Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Man this sucks, Last night I went out with my friends and had a good time and I went home feeling really good. This mornin I woke up feeling like crap. I keep dreaming about her and its not making anything better. Not only do I think about her all day but I dream about her to. It sucks , I reallly miss her right now and I just want to tell her that(I won't). I don't think it has hit me that she is gone and I am really afraid of that moment. I hope I am the right path, I told her I wasn't ready to see her for awhile and I haven't called her or texted her or said i want you back or i love you. I have just been trying to let her go. except for yesterday when she came by my work I haven't seen her or tried to see her.granted its only been 4 days You are on the right path. Just remember she left you. You owe her nothing. Let her figure this out on her own. Next time she calls you tell her that you respect her decision to end the relationship and now you need time away from her to heal. Tell her to please not contact you unless she wants to make an honest effort in getting back together with you. If she pulls the friends stuff just say ok but not now and you will contact her when you are ready to be friends. That will give you the space you need and she will be forced to do this alone. Leave it on a good note. Don't go out in anger b/c you want her to remember that the last interaction she had with you was mature and kind.
Island Girl Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I was at work today and my ex stopped by, she said that she went shopping and locked her keys in the car and needed a ride to her house to get them. I gave her a ride UGH --- nooooooooooooo. You must tell her not to stop by your work. Screen her calls. If she leaves a message for help with ANYTHING the answer is NO. She can go ask her ex or "f**k OFF". but the whole time we kept the talk small and nothing about the relationship. I noticied she got hair extension and told her it looked nice. You should not be conversating about anything else except BUSINESS. That means finances that may need to be straightened out or the dogs. And get these situations taken care of pronto. She said that she needed a change because she felt ugly and I said you shouldn't feel that way. DO NOT MAKE HER FEEL BETTER!!! She should feel like an ugly piece of crap! You are being way too nice --- recalling DOORMAT behavior that she has taken advantage of this entire time since you have gotten back together. Just STOP. Stop doing it. Then I dropped her off and left. the whole time I was being strong eventhough it was very hard. Did I go to far with the comment or did I play it right? Its bittersweet because she looked kinda sad for the first time so that made me feel better but at the same time it sucks because I know we are just that much farther from what we had and it makes me sad. let me know what you guys think. You have been distant for quite sometime. You know this is the best move. It is OVER. That means you are not her friend -- you do not assist her or put yourself in a position of being the guy she turns to. If she tries DO NOT be there. She didn't appreciate you when you were together so you think somehow she does now?!!! Bullsh*t. Keep contact to a minimum. TELL HER SHE IS NO LONGER TO STOP BY YOUR WORK OR THE APARTMENT OR ANYWHERE ELSE. She has to call and then YOU can decide if the matter is relating to the business of the break up. If it doesn't -- and it is about feelings or anything to do with either of you personally do not EVEN return the phone call. Be strong -- you will thank yourself for it later.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 yesterday I was at my grandmothers viewing dinner. my ex called me and told me that she doesn't want me around the dogs anymore cuz she found out stuff. she said she knows everything and I better confess and not be a coward. I was like I never cheated on u so what r u talking about. I told her though that I was talking to this girl I dated way back b4 her. I said that it shouldn't matter and that u can't take me dogs away. I told her I had 2 go and now I'm afraid that she will take them away. I told her that she broke my heart what did she expect. I was gonna start talking 2 girls and she said I broke her heart to. how is that possible when she left me? I'm starting to get caught in her trap. help!
loveratud Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 yesterday I was at my grandmothers viewing dinner. my ex called me and told me that she doesn't want me around the dogs anymore cuz she found out stuff. she said she knows everything and I better confess and not be a coward. I was like I never cheated on u so what r u talking about. I told her though that I was talking to this girl I dated way back b4 her. I said that it shouldn't matter and that u can't take me dogs away. I told her I had 2 go and now I'm afraid that she will take them away. I told her that she broke my heart what did she expect. I was gonna start talking 2 girls and she said I broke her heart to. how is that possible when she left me? I'm starting to get caught in her trap. help! Sounds like she left you, but wants to be able to come back and find you right where she left you. That means she doesn't want you dating other girls. So she's trying to become the victim, playing the, "You must not have ever really loved me! You're breaking my heart" card when you talk to another girl. That's a petty game for her to play.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted April 21, 2007 Author Posted April 21, 2007 Hey everybody I want to thank you for the advice. But I am not the victim anymore. I just spoke with her and she is mad at me because I had a myspace that I hid from her and chatted occasionally to with my ex girlfriend. She caught me, I never cheated but I did keep it behind her back and I did lie when she asked if i had a myspace. sorry guys I completely forgot about it because I rarely use it. She called me a lying bastard and told me that I mean nothing to her and that she doesn't care about me and our three years meant nothing. shes gone. her stuff is gone, she doesn't want to see me again after my grandma's funeral tommorow. She won, and I have nobody to blame but myself. Thnx everybody for the advice it really helped me get through this but I have to start grieving all over again because now I have to live with this thought that the girl I love absolutely hates me and has reason.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 That's bull****!!!! That's her guilt talking because she wants to feel better about herself. Take your dogs back or at least take one and she take the other. I think it's only fair. So what your talking to an ex, she went after hers!!! It's only fair for you to move on with your life!! She's playing these childish games trying to guilt you into feeling bad and making herself be the victim that what it all boils down to!!! I'd say write her a NC letter and give it to her at the end of the funeral. And start getting a life. prepare for the rest of your life without her. Become who you was before you met her abit a better version of it. Work out, get a better job. excell and exceed in everyway!! Dont sweat what she says. And you stay strong at that funeral dont let her see you cry.
2ndIINone Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Dude.... don't fall for it. Your girl is the WORST at manipulating and trying way to hard to do so. Listen to everyone else... she's 'looking' for a reason to blame YOU because of what SHE'S done to you. She's trying to justify her OWN reasons of leaving. And your myspace is ALL she can come up with????? She's pathetic. And don't you dare blame any of this on yourself... because that's EXACTLY what she wants. LET HER GO! Don't explain ANYTHING about the myspace OR ANYTHING ELSE that has to do with you and her.... from here on out.... ZIP IT! Say nothing, do nothing. Turn away and let this confused unstable ex crazy girlfriend walk.
mav100 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Sadcakes... I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You've been given some great advice here, and I hope it is helpful. I've been there myself - It's been a little over 5 months since the breakup for me, but it was the exact same issue. An ex-boyfriend that she dated on and off for three years who cheated on her and abandoned her when her mom got really sick right before she died. We lived together for about 4-5 months when she left. We had just moved from an apartment into a house. It sucked. DON'T blame yourself for this. Follow the advice given. N/C and living for yourself is the best thing you can do right now. Honestly, I did not do those things. I chased for a couple of weeks, right up until she told me that she had made up her mind and wanted to be with him. I've learned my lesson on that. Everything that has been said to you is absolutely true. You need to move on from her and live your own life. Constant contact with her is not helping. Let her have the dogs if that is what it takes, but get her out of your life. She has to figure things out on her own. As for your Myspace account and the other things that she puts the blame on your shoulders for, it's just an excuse. My ex also did the same thing - tried to turn it all around on me because I did things like called her a cheating whore and told her to get out of my life. She said the same things, like "you don't care about me anymore!" when I told her to leave me alone. I never got "social" calls as you did - once I moved out, any call I got was to deal with the business of the break-up. Like it or not, you will have times when you doubt things you did during the relationship, and wonder if you could have done things differently. Don't doubt yourself for a moment. SHE did this - not you. She made the dumb-assed decisions. Don't shoulder the blame yourself. As much as she may ACT like its your fault, she knows, deep down, it is hers. As much as she may not ACT guilty, she most likely does feel that way. For now - cut her off. Only discuss the business of the breakup, and then only sparingly, at YOUR leisure, not hers. When she comes crawling back some time down the line (be it a few weeks, months, or years), tell her to take a hike. If you weren't important enough to stick with and she had to leave you for a jerk of an ex-boyfriend, she isn't worth your time - she'll only do it to you again.
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