ls3360 Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 What should I think? I'm 42 and I've been dating a gal that's about my age divorced with several kids. I've spent a lot of time with her her and with her+kids and we've had some nice outtings. Some of them have ended with private kisses... sometimes many kisses. OTOH... we never talk about us although I've suggested we should. She doesn't vocalize much feelings for me and I sense she pulls back at times when I suggest feelings for her. Although she doesn't say it directly, she's apparently dating one or more other guys. I recently got us to talk about us and she says we're dating but not in a relationship and more than friends. She was not clear but it sounds like the main distinction was "exclusivity" and "kissing". It sounds like she's not in a "relationship" with anyone and suspects she might never be... although I think she's fuzzy on that. I'm skipping many details because I want to focus on a specific question first... Is it common to kiss and kiss extensively but, but not vocalize feelings, and not be in an exclusive relationship?
oppath Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 It is common to have SEX and not be in an exclusive relationship. You aren't exclusive until you agree to be exclusive. Often, before you have this talk you can sense it going that direction based on frequency of contact, dates, and affirmations of affection.
Star Gazer Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 Um, yes. I totally agree with oppath. It's common to have as much as regular, frequent sex with someone and not be exclusive. You aren't exclusive until/unless you both agree to be exclusive. Sounds like she's telling you that she doesn't want to be/isn't ready to be exclusive with you. To many people (actually, most people out of high school, I think), kissing is just that - kissing. Don't assume anything.
oppath Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I was burned bad by my first "gf" -- she was one of my closest friends for 6 months in college before we started dating -- so naturally, I assumed the heavy making out meant she wanted a relationship. Nope. Again, usually before any exclusive talk there are signs indicating the relationship is moving forward. Yes, kissing, sex, physical and verbal affection, are all indicators. Frequency of contact and dates are too. It's pretty common to stop seeing others after a month of dating, but to let things go another month before even mentioning a "relationship." You have to let actions define the relationship before words. When actions indicate both people are on the same page, THEN it is time to have the talk.
Author ls3360 Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Okay. Thanks for all that. Now to part two of the question... Is it common to be making out (madly kissing only) without talking about having any feelings for each other? J.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Okay. Thanks for all that. Now to part two of the question... Is it common to be making out (madly kissing only) without talking about having any feelings for each other? J. well i think it all depends on the situation. honestly some people can not even be interested in anything (even dating) with someone and just make out like crazy with them (ex:clubs) she sounds very scared to vocalize feelings for u. she is probably getting frustrated that u are trying to get her to talk about what u guys mean to each other, which in turn makes her pull away even more. if u really care about her give her time to vocalize what she is feeling, or if she wants a relationship with u. it sounds like u would like more than what she is/can give u. if u keep pushing her, she may just break it off for good. if u think she is worth waiting for then fine, but if u really truely want a relationship then maybe u should consider moving on to someone who is ready for that sort of thing.
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