searchingforanswers Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I think I'm a great guy. I really do, but not in an egotistical way. I just feel I'm a lot of fun, supportive, interesting, great sense of humor. Etc. I was engaged and my ex-fi left me on Christmas Eve she gave me some reasons which I consider excuses, and she saw me only once after calling it off. It's taken a few months, but I'm constantly feeling healthier and better. I did the on-line dating thing for the past two months. Mostly to stay busy and fill the void of loneliness, but now I'm moving to a new stage of accepting my singlehood and I want to meet women again. I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship, but I want to meet women (in person) to date. Any advice on places or ways to approach women? I know who I am in terms of looks. I'm critical of my looks but I consider myself a decent looking guy - a seven for sure, on good days in the right clothes an 8. I tend to "punch outside my weight class" in the looks department. I can' t imagine any woman swooning over me at first sight. I really am one of those guys who becomes more attractive as you get to know me. When there is no pressure, I can talk the paint off the walls. But I feel lately as I try to meet women I don't have much to say. Does a guy need a green light, so to speak, to approach a woman? How do you start a conversation out of nothing? I am nervous, but I understand it's all about putting yourself out there and I want to do that. I sort of need a little date coaching right now. To the women out there, what do you find a turn on and turn off when I random guy steps up to you at a bar? And why does it seem like bars are the only places to meet people? I live in NYC. Millions of singles and it feel like everyone I ever meet says the same thing, it's a tough town to date in. I appreciate any thoughts/advice.
alextop30 Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 Ok where you can meet ladies that one is not the hardest part of your thread you can meet ladies in a club, bar, library, cafe, at the job that you do pretty much anywhere where there is a segnificant amount of time that you spent. I preffer school but I am still younger than you, I also do go to clubs and love it there are a lot of ladies to meet there. If you are great at approaching them you can even meet them on the street. But if you experiancing the problem you state that you have nothing to say and feel nurvaous approaching them street is not a real good idea according to me. Best suggestion on meeting ladies is = gym I met a couple there X sport is the gym I go to. Now as far as talking to girls and approaching them. I have problem with it too. I feel that I am great guy too "my picture acutally on profile" so I have tried different ways and they just think that you are wierd and wave you off but sometimes they acutally interested in what you have to say. I usually try to relate my opening line with something that easily known -- something she does not have to think - something like "it is nice day" - or in the gym something funny related to workout "You are working our so regerously you might get tired" something like that so I can catch her attention. And in first 3 scentences I say my name and I do my best trying to remember hers coz I am terrible with names. But girls you can meet them everywhere just be urself.
oppath Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 There is a difference between meeting women, and meeting women who possess the potential for a relationship. I get the sense you are somewhere in between these two places right now. Online dating got you out of the house and probably restored some confidence in interacting with women, and you'd like to carry that restored confidence to other areas of your life, and be able to act confident around interesting women in person when you meet them. I feel the same way. I'll truly be restored to my old self when this happens. It is slowly coming back, though I've mainly been approaching women not in my league of attractiveness yet. The few at my level or above I've shyed away from closing. The best way is to find 2-3 passions that are co-ed and meet at the same time each week. Now, you may or may not meet someone through these passions, but you can likely make new friends/acquaintances, which can lead to dates. More importantly, when you live a full and happy life, that is when people enter your life. So I would put the focus on you, not on meeting someone. It's only been 3 months for you. That is not much time at all after a serious relationship. Focus on rebuilding your life as a single person and enjoying it -- by all means, do activities that will introduce you to potential dating partners -- but put the focus on the activity. Otherwise you will just become frustrated and depressed at the lack of a reliable dating partner.
Author searchingforanswers Posted April 15, 2007 Author Posted April 15, 2007 Thanks for the replies so far. It's easy to lose perspective when it comes to relationships. I guess I am in this odd zone of wanting to date, but also wanting the comforts of a relationship. I don't dismiss websites like match.com, but I do want to be back out there interacting with women and flirting with confidence. I appreciate the suggestion of finding some event/activity/passions to be a part of. It is true that when you are feeling good you attract others to you. I think I've lost sight of that because I've been used to sharing my life with someone else and I've only recently become comfortable in my new single skin. I feel getting back out there only becomes harder the more you avoid it, which is why I'm putting pressure on myself to date. Trusting that it will come and doing things to regain my sense of self, probably is the best option.
alextop30 Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I was just suggesting places I go with friends and end up having lots of fun fliting with women and having nice times and find potential dates. I still do things for myself - I go to gym not for the girls but for me I love working out playing sports - also keeps my body in shape so I dont become fat - become strong also.
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