whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I told him he had to make the decision about us getting together tonight and he said that he wants to but he knows it's best FOR ME if we don't, bottomline we are not, he is such a martyr sometimes!!! But you let him act like that. WHY did you tell 'he' had the decision to make about whether or not you two getting together tonight? Why did you let him decide? What if he had said yes? Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you're not getting together. Stay strong!
Author Kenzo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 But you let him act like that. WHY did you tell 'he' had the decision to make about whether or not you two getting together tonight? Why did you let him decide? What if he had said yes? Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you're not getting together. Stay strong! I know what's best for me, I really do, even if I haven't practiced it much lately... So I guess I wanted to hear the words come from him, that we shouldn't see each other, but I don't want him saying that it's for me, that's what gets me angry...Let it be for the all the other reasons...like his family and because it's wrong and because he wants to be a better person...not because it's hard on me emotionally. honestly, for me the decision was made yesterday that I wasn't going to see him...just wanted to see if he would say he wouldn't see me. Does that make any sense? My mind is all over the place today!
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Kenzo, my son is 15, and he knows about some of it, not all. Like I said before, my MM actually left his W last year, and so when he went back to her the boys were asking questions about it, and so I told them what was going on. The strange thing is, they really like him, and want me to be w/ him. My son doesn't know ALL the details, just the basic.
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I know what's best for me, I really do, even if I haven't practiced it much lately... So I guess I wanted to hear the words come from him, that we shouldn't see each other, but I don't want him saying that it's for me, that's what gets me angry...Let it be for the all the other reasons...like his family and because it's wrong and because he wants to be a better person...not because it's hard on me emotionally. honestly, for me the decision was made yesterday that I wasn't going to see him...just wanted to see if he would say he wouldn't see me. Does that make any sense? My mind is all over the place today! Shoulda coulda woulda...Don't beat up on yourself. You do have a game plan, and that's a great thing! I do get why you left it up to him, my only point was, how he would perceive it when it came to power and control...But then again, it doesn't matter how he perceives it as right now the ball is in your court 100%!
frannie Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I was thinking of sending MM a link to this site, I'm sure he'll figure out who I am, but I also think his reading here would give him a better understanding of what I'm (we're) going through...I've seen some "couples" post on the same threads and it seems to be looked down upon. Just wondering if anyone thinks it's a good idea to let him inside this little world, a kind of safe haven for some, and help him gain some perspective? And to those who have been on here together...how did that affect your relationship? Well, from the first time I was here on this site (under a different name) to today, I've always thought of this place (and anywhere online really) as somewhere we could both find some information. When I first joined, I posted a thread about what he said he wanted (to leave) and there was a lot of response, and we read through them all together. And all through the relationship, we've come upon ideas, situations, and so on that have changed the way we think about things. I'm definitely the one who reads here, and certainly the main poster of the two of us, but that's more a personality thing than anything (the same is true of the other forums we're both on which have nothing to do with relationships!). I think if you're looking for material that might make your man more supportive, or change his attitude to you because of a deeper understanding or whatever, from reading here... I would say... people see/understand only what they're likely to from their own perspective... you can't make someone understand more from reading LS... in particular, I've never seen a man change his mind because of something they intuited from reading a personal story... If you think he might change his mind based on anything here I'd say... just forget it.... men in particular just act from instinct (don't let them tell you it's all about reason, that's just not the case heh)... and all he'll do is just be confused by the numerous versions of 'fact' (heh) Anyway, my MM and I have been here off and on for 2 ish years now I suppose and yeah, it has influenced our relationship.. just not in a 'look, man, you see what your'e doing to me!'... now go and change your life kind of way. That just doesn't happen. What should be happening is if you think your life is a pile of poo YOU should be changing it. Not waiting for some dumbass man to do the impossible (like act on the basis of facts).
puddleofmud Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 EX whomever would love this--as would quite few men! This entire forum would more than prove his "purpose" as in that women are weak and chatty and really need a strong man more that they need like--- doing things such as "living". He is "god's gift" to women and would just adore (ready between the lines: "GET OFF") on the fact that women are distraught and ready to be rescued by his manly thang. HE would use every post on this forum to turn your tail bone to mush and make you stutter your name. He'd be IM'ing all of us, and we'd get some drinks and some charming kisses on the cheeks, eyes and a thinkin' about same on the thighs. What happens after that is not "his problem". After all, WE asked for it.... I was thinking of sending MM a link to this site, I'm sure he'll figure out who I am, but I also think his reading here would give him a better understanding of what I'm (we're) going through...I've seen some "couples" post on the same threads and it seems to be looked down upon. Just wondering if anyone thinks it's a good idea to let him inside this little world, a kind of safe haven for some, and help him gain some perspective? And to those who have been on here together...how did that affect your relationship?
Seen_It_All Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I think most REAL men would rather be hanged by their eyelids than read the drivel on women's relationship boards. How many boards have you ever read where men are pouring their hearts out to each other and asking each other for 'love' advice? As someone else said, they more than likely don't give a rat's a*ss as long you're not crying and moaning to them about it or forcing them to actually DO something about it (God FORBID).
IWALH Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 This doesn't answer your question but I used to have a different user name when I was active on here back in 2005, but it was the screen name that I used for EVERYTHING and people eventually found my posts through google... that was embarrassing, so I have since changed my name. As for him getting on this website, he looked at a few things on here a few years ago and always told me not to listen to what everyone on here was saying because he wasn't like all those other men. He said he really WAS just staying in his marriage for his daughter and he didn't want his wife to take all of his money so it couldn't be a contested divorce. We are planning things together again now and I told him I was back on this website looking at things again and it was worrying me but he is assuring me that he isn't like all the other men the other people talk about in these threads. Last time I didn't believe everything he was telling me (mostly because of this website) and I told his wife (online when I was stupid and drunk) everything and that ruined a lot of what we had planned.... then after I became pregnant and pretty much told him I didn't want anything to do with him and then MOVED we stopped talking... for the most part. Now we are talking again a lot.... and he keeps telling me to trust him this time and not listen to what everyone is saying in these threads... he has given me a date.... August. So I am just living my life happily with my daughter and parents and if he really is telling the truth then... I guess he is different from the MM people speak of on this site. If he isn't going through divorce proceedings in August.... then I guess I am just a fool. Either way I am very happy with my life and my daughter. Sorry I made this into a mini-vent. I've been meaning to post on here, but I just haven't felt up to it quite yet.
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I was thinking of sending MM a link to this site, I'm sure he'll figure out who I am, but I also think his reading here would give him a better understanding of what I'm (we're) going through...I've seen some "couples" post on the same threads and it seems to be looked down upon. Just wondering if anyone thinks it's a good idea to let him inside this little world, a kind of safe haven for some, and help him gain some perspective? And to those who have been on here together...how did that affect your relationship? He only cares how he feels. You can tell him, let him read about it here, buy him books about it, draw pictures for him -- he still cares first and foremost for himself. As long as he is getting what he wants he could care less who else gets hurt. His actions speak louder than words. He might say he cares -- but if he did you would not be a member of a triangle right now.
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