Guest Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and have been living together for the past 5. I feel that although some aspects of our relationship have improved significantly, I just am unable to be totally happy. I am now 31 and can't help thinking of having a family and kids... And when I look at him I just can't help telling myself that he's not the right man for me. Sometimes I am too emotional and my emotions may interfere with the soundness of my choices. I thought a kind person out there could help me understand what would be the right thing to do: stay or go. I care deeply for him. We shared 8 years of our lives. But most of the times I feel that I deserve better. What would you do if your fiancee behaved in the following way? - we both work full time. I even work more than him and get home later than him. I make twice as much money so I am economically independent. However, never ever he prepares a meal, or helps with the house or wash the dishes. Sometimes I feel like a servant because I ought to do everything in this house. He does not even do groceries. All house chores are on me. totally. We talked about this thousands of times but nothing changed. - we don't share the same interesets. I am passionate about life. I would like to travel, go out, do sports, meet people, socialize. He's always tired and bored and has very little desire to do anything. He's favourite activity is to stay in bed to watch TV. Often I force him to do things but it looks as if he's doing me a big favour and not really enjoying things. - when I socialize with my friends, he does not like to hang out with them. We hang out together ONLY with his friends. - when I go out alone, he makes me feel bad because I left him alone while he wants to stay with me 100% of time. - it's impossible to have arguments with him. I mean constructive ones. Because it's impossible to get anywhere. You talk about things with him. Things change for the next couple of weeks and then back again as we were. - He's the first man that ever made me feel unattractive. Everybody tells me that I am gorgeous... But he only feels a desire to make love once a month. When I talk about this, he replies that he loves me and that he desires me. It's just that he's too tired. - He works too much. And I often find myself doing things that interest me alone or with my mother. He was not always like this. When I met him he loved life, going out, doing things together. But the more we go forward, the more he becomes apathic, tired and lifeless. I tried to talk to him many times but his response is always: I love you deeply, why are you concentrating on such stupid stuff. Look at the big picture... What would you do in my shoes? Do you feel that the moment has come for me to move out and move on with my life alone? Then why is it so painful to make this decision? Thanks everybody for hearing me out.
Guest Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 You know its time to move on, but don't feel like you have the "reason" to break up. On top of that you've invested eight years with this guy. Don't throw good money after bad. It sounds like things have been going downhill - slowly - for a long time. Since you live together, it just makes it easer to keep coasting down the hill. You are still going down and the bottom just puts you deeper in depression and the breakup won't be easier later. You've taken stock of the problems. Take stock of your assets: no kids (makes for a cleaner break). You don't nead him financially, again cleaner break. You have friends and a social network to support you - most likely they're waiting for you to break it off too. Find a place to go - friends to stay with until you get your own place, but move out - you need to leave and not count on him doing it. Make sure you are in complete control of your assets. Let him know you don't think its working out and it hasn't been working out for a while. No need to make a case to prove you're in the right to call it quits - that you're ready to end it is enough. If you give him reasons, he can say he'll change and you are stuck right back where you were. If you move out, and you want to work on the relationship still, fine, but don't feel obligated. He hasn't commited to you after 5 years living together, he probably won't. It will hurt. It will suck for a while. You'll miss him and think of your relationship as the one you had when it was working. Hang out with friends. Have fun. Get settled in your new place. Before you know it you'll be you again and feel good about it. good luck.
Recommended Posts