Guest Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 Just curious as to what people think... With about half of all marriages ending in divorce, is the institution itself the problem? Anytime 50% of anything fails, isn't it time to explore that system instead of blaming the people who are brave enough to undertake the awesome responsibility of marriage? I believe the men and women who try marriage for the most part are sincere and want to make it work. But in this society, the business of getting married is a multi-billion dollar industry, with much emphasis on the show...the rings, the gown, the reception, it seems what people are actually committing themselves to for life does not get enough of the spotlight. But since many studies have shown that humans are not monogamous beings, is it possible in most cases, that in a world of over 6 billion people, that we are truly suppose to find 1 person to spend the rest of our lives with? I think this is only possible in rare instances. I think instead of focusing blame on the wife, the husband, the OM or OW we should be taking a deep look at the institution of marriage and question whether this institution is the main problem.
JackJack Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 But when its all said and done, it is about how two people interact with each other. Many people wil bring alot of baggage into a marraige, no, I don't mean kids really, from previous relationships, but baggage as in issues from their past. Things that maybe were not resolved and then it gets brought into a marraige/relationship, and one or both parties is not always sure how to react to certain things. I would think its a growing/learning process. I do think marriage is about work and most anything worth having is. Society maybe plays a role in it sure, but its really up to the people involved in the relationship on how they handle things and if they really let society dictate their life.
FireandIce Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I think most of the problem is the fact that in our society now people are constantly looking for bigger and better things and that has trickled into marriage. People are so concerned nowadays about what they want instead of what they already have right in front of them. People also give up way too easily now compared to what they used to put up with years ago. No one seems to want to work on things now. I also think most first marriages fail because times have changed. Back years ago most women didn't work so there was only one person starting their career (most of the time that was the men) but now with two people putting their career ahead of everything else it makes it hard to build a strong marriage. Just my opinion of course.
greengoddess Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I love marriage. It's divorce that scares me.
JackJack Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I think too, that even though society could or might play a role, I think marriages that are good and strong, two people who are on the same page on things, and are willing to learn and grow together, then they probably wouldn't put alot of weight of how society affects their marriage.
sunshinegirl Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I think to make a meaningful argument about the institution of marriage being the problem, you need to compare the failure rate of marriages with the failure rate of non-married (long-term) relationships. (Good luck finding those statistics!)
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I'd like to see a renewable marriage license. Every ten years, you decide as a couple whether or not to renew. If you decide as a couple not to renew, the marriage is dissolved. If one party disputes then it goes over to a divorce proceeding.
Storyrider Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 I have wondered about this. Marriage is important for the protection and well being of children. (In past times, the woman needed this protection as well, since she had no means of support.) I am not sure it is purely a good thing for a couple and their romantic connection to think of the relationship as forever. While it provides security it also breeds complacency. And the romantic aspect seems to subside into something familial and, sometimes, asexual. It is hard to see what the alternative could be. I think there could be some merit to LB's idea, but then again, humans have the tendency to think there is a better view over the next hill, which is surely an illusion. Still, it seems that the sexual/romantic and the new/unfamiliar are intertwined. The delight and stimulation in being pursued by an unfamiliar "other" can't be recreated in a mature relationship. And it seems bleak that after a few years in a marriage, you could lead the next sixty years of your life without ever expecting to experience that again.
nancyleeh Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 No one is obligated to get married and today or for that matter, marry in high style and if a person wants out, there is divorce. So I'm not sure what you think the problem is with the institution of marriage. Perhaps it is not the institution of marriage that bothers you but that marriage brings responsibilities and obligations. But even if there was no such thing as marriage or if a marriage had to be renewed after a certain time period, there would still have to be laws protecting children of marriage, care of a spouse in certain cases and divison of assets. nancyleeh
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Commitment, family and community have taken a back seat to the "me, me, me, look at me, for me" attitude of the instant gratification generation. The "Til death do us part" will evolve to "share each day as if it's your last day together, savour your love for this moment".
luvstarved Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I am not sure what the "institution" of marriage really is, since it only involves shelling out a few bucks for a license and maybe a blood test so everyone's STD status is known. Wow. Now there's a knowledge and wisdom base on which to build, eh? Marriage should probably be MORE of an "institution". People should be required to take a frickin' class and pass an exam so that they can demonstrate that they a) have an understanding of what the hell they are in for b) have a clue how to communicate with each other, since in the end that is what is going to make or break the thing. THAT should scare off enough people to bring down both the marriage AND the divorce rate.
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