gabsylv Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 HELP! I begin with a quote from another poster: >I find insecurity a turn-off because I like my men confident and with a >sense of self-worth. Insecurity points to a low self-esteem. I tend to tease >the people I like a lot, and I like for my guy to have enough self-esteem not >to take me seriously and get upset. I also like someone with enough >confidence to laugh at themselves.I don't want to have to constantly >reassure the person I'm in a relationship with. Well, this may be healthy teasing for the above poster, but comments can HURT! I have a "pattern problem" with people early on in relationships related to what I call "stupid mouth," or when the person I'm with unnecessarily says something I find offensive to my ego, inappropriate, RUDE even, to which I often react by turning off/shutting down, walking away, or blowing up. I overreact, no doubt due to my own low self-acceptance. Examples include comparing me with other girls (anyway, when I hear it it certainly feels that way), unnecessarily criticizing something I was doing my best at, etc., making a comment that could be construed as demeaning (I take it that way, often without knowing if he means it that way for sure). I know that if I could just stop myself ***in the moment*** from overreacting, keep calm and be rational, the comment would lose lots of its power over me, but each time it happens, a defense mechanism (?) kicks in and I just want to have done with him. Obviously this bad habit of mine is detrimental to my love life. I want to know if there is a mind trick I can resort to at these times to keep things (myself) under control, if there is a way to discern within my own mind between what is MY problem and what is HIS. If I just ignore it, I tend to keep it bottled inside and then it leads to a bigger blow-up later. Candid advice will be appreciated!
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