jaycie724 Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hey All, So as I posted last week, my ex-fiancee, Doug, moved out last Friday. In the week that he's been gone, he and I have texted a little each day and he's called me 2 or 3 times to "chat". I thought about trying to go no contact with him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I thought the texting might be a good way for me to have a little bit of contact with him without going overboard...or at least give me something so I didn't have to go without him cold turkey. Anyway, over the past week, he's been texting me things like "i love you" and "i miss you" and "i feel empty without you" but he's not trying to get back together with me. And, it doesn't bother me that he says those things, usually I'll get those texts, laugh and roll my eyes, and think "too bad so sad". It sort of makes me feel better to know that he's having a hard time. He and I had agreed to try to be friends after this, but I've realized in the past week that the only times we talk or text are when HE wants to. If he's not in the mood, he simply won't answer me (though 90% of the time he initiates). I had it out with him on Thursday telling him that either he try to act like a friend slowly or he needs to leave me the heck alone. I think he's been trying to keep his distance since then and only texts a couple times per day. I didn't answer him yesterday and you know what? I was ok. I guess that's another baby step...that I'm not hanging onto my cell phone hoping against hope that he'll think to text and call me. And when he does, my heart no longer soars just to hear from him. That's great so far...for only a week right? I mean I still miss him, but I know now that I made it through a week without him and like you all said...it will get better and easier with time. So I'm on the right path. Right? I'm not sure what I'm asking ya'll for...I think I just wanted to give you all an update on how I'm doing. Which is better than I thought I would be. And, also, I wanted to thank you all for always being there for me. Ya'll are the best
AriaIncognito Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I am happy to hear that you are feeling better this week. I too am at the 1 week mark, but mine is of total NC. (well tomorrow at 12:23pm would technically be the 7 day point hahah) I've done better than I thought I'd do. Sure, I still wish that it wasn't this way, but I think I'm accepting it a little more with each day. Keep on doing what you're doing, though I'd lessen contact as much as possible. Ignore his texts or pleas every so often. Make him case after your attention, for once. It'll feel good that you're being sought and even better that you are taking back the control you so easily gave to him.
Author jaycie724 Posted April 15, 2007 Author Posted April 15, 2007 Do you want him back? No! I don't want him back at all. I just miss the man he used to be before. He'll never be that person again. And even though I know that, I'm having a hard time completely letting go. But, no, I don't want him back. I just want to learn how to be ME without any man. And I want to learn how to let him go. I've learned this week that even though this is really hard for me, I don't miss him as much as I thought I would. I mean, this time last week I never thought I'd live through a week without him...but I did. And I didn't swoon over his text messages....which was HUGE progress. It's even bigger progress that I got his texts and sort of rolled my eyes and considered it a victory that he broke before I did. You know?
Ssheena Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 Hi Jaycie. Good for you. I guess it shows that he is somewhat human if he is acknowledging he has feelings for you (which is a good thing). However, he made his choice and he made his decision and he made them both without taking you into consideration at all. His mistake. His loss. He chose to leave you (his fiance!!) and move on!! Maybe, just maybe, he should have thought about all that beforehand! And texting you that he loves you and misses you?????? What the heck? What would the new girl think and feel if she knew he was doing that? Would you want to be in her place? I sure wouldn't. Soooo.. what do we have here for a man. Let's see. Breaks up with his girlfriend/fiance after what 3 years? 5 years? Goes off with another girl. Texts and emails original girl how much he still loves her, misses her, etc...all the while being with other girl. Hmm... who would you rather be? You - free, alone for now but having the opportunity to meet and be with another man who appreciates and wants just you alone or... girl #2... with a guy who just broke up with fiance.. knowing or not knowing (my guess is she doesn't know) that her new boyfriend is texting his x with what he has been texting you? You are doing great and I'm glad you are moving ahead. I hope that we have been of help to you here. I wish I had this kind of support group when I was in your place. All the best!
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I don't want him back at all. I just miss the man he used to be before. He'll never be that person again. And even though I know that, I'm having a hard time completely letting go. But, no, I don't want him back. I just want to learn how to be ME without any man. And I want to learn how to let him go. I've learned this week that even though this is really hard for me, I don't miss him as much as I thought I would. Good for you that you don't want him back. As for learning to let go -- you just do. You go NC and it is hard at first but it gets easier. Just tell yourself when it feels bad - you feel lonely -- that if you keep going it WILL get better. If you slip and have contact it just starts all over again. I mean, this time last week I never thought I'd live through a week without him...but I did. And I didn't swoon over his text messages....which was HUGE progress. It's even bigger progress that I got his texts and sort of rolled my eyes and considered it a victory that he broke before I did. You know? It is big progress. Even bigger progress if you let him know not to contact you and stick to it. You'd be surprised how empowered you'll feel - and although harder at first - the hurt and loneliness are over much faster and you really start to let go completely which is what you need.
Icantletgo Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Man Jaycie. I seriously know how you are feeling. You know you can never be w/ them again: trust is gone; yet you still love him. When you think about him you can't help but think of the future you both dreamed together for a time. You have had him in your life and in your plans for soo long that you can't picture your life w/o him. You want to move on, cause that is what you NEED to do, and deep down that is what you HAVE to do but it's hard cause he still loves you and still won't 100% completely let you go. My ex left me for another woman (as you probably remember). And he still contacts me. Does he give me hope of us getting back together?? no, he tells me bluntly that he wants us to be friends ONLY and that he may not ever get back together w/ me again. But I provide the hope. With his texts and his calls i always hope that he realizes his mistakes and realizes what he loss. But by us responding and waiting for them to realize their mistakes, they never will. You don't know what you have till it's gone, and since we are are always here for them they will never realize what we are: amazing catches who will love unconditionally. trust me. When my ex doesnt' text back fast enough or when he replies with "lol" or "yea"..it KILLS me. I wonder what he's doing, who he's with, why is he being so short w/ me...It kills me. NC is the best way to go. But i didn't have the strength to do it. I hope you do. Good luck.
AriaIncognito Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Icantletgo, I have to say, i'm shocked that you just posted that. Now I know that what has been said to you, you truly do get. Now, if only you will implement it for yourself... I know it's hard. I'm on day 9 of NC. I've had a few things happen these past 2 days that have REALLY made me want to email him to tell him about it (as they were things that i'd typically only share with him - job related) but, I've not done so. I've got to be strong. He can't miss me if i'm always there. And well, even if he never misses me, I'll be that much farther along in the process of healing. Please take your own advice, icantletgo. You can do it.
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