EmotionalBlackMail Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I was once in a relationship with an extremely manipulative man. He was 27 and I am 23. This relationship ended recently; he dumped me. I don't know what to do. I KNOW that the relationship was a horrible one, but I was in love with him. He cheated on me and immediately got into a relationship with another girl a week after dumping me. We used to have an amazing time together at times. The problem is, he would not always treat me well. The reason why I'm having such a hard time coping with this is because music, movies, and photography are my passions and he used these three things to get close to me. Now I have all of these horrible reminders attached to things that were once sentimental to me. I feel physically ill. Why do I have such a hard time coping with this when I KNOW that the relationship was bad? I KNOW that I should not be in it, but yet I still think, "Maybe in the future he will realize he made a mistake". I am on NC and have been for a bit. I keep thinking maybe in a few months, he will contact me. Why can't I just concentrate on moving on for myself, rather than improving myself so he will see he made a mistake? This is driving me up a wall. Can anyone else relate to this?? You try to move on or better yourself, but yet you find yourself doing it for the wrong reasons??
jerbear Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Try a different hobby, do something you normally would not do. Pursue a new interest, job, hobby, etc.. time and depending on what you feel, avoidance and doing NC is what is needed.
norajane Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 The reason why I'm having such a hard time coping with this is because music, movies, and photography are my passions and he used these three things to get close to me.As you said, this is why. Because he 'got' to you through your passions - the parts of you that make you feel alive, and that made you feel very connected to him. That feeling of connection, of something real and very special, is very hard to lose and it's the last thing that fades when a relationship is over even if he was a cheater and a jerk. Despite him being a cheater and a jerk, you still felt connected where it counts. This will pass, though it will take the longest time! Don't let him ruin these passions for you. Over time, you'll replace the associations with new ones. Just give yourself time, grieve if you must, but have faith that you will get over him. I've been where you are in the past, and never thought I'd get beyond it, but there came a day when he no longer mattered and I truly didn't have any interest in 'maybe someday' with him anymore. It took me a long time, but it is doable.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 You don't stop caring about them, as nj mentioned. Keep reminding yourself to let go. Photography is a great hobby. Go out, find yourself an appealing subject and snap off a million pictures. Go home and look at them, keeping the ones that you like. Continue doing this over and over again until you're anaesthetized. Don't let a cheater spoil your enjoyment of these pleasures. Consider it a personal challenge to yourself. Will I let a cheater ruin my enjoyment in life?
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