oppath Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Damn. Why did I do this? 3 months. 1.5 since any contact. I'm in a new town and sent a casual I'm doing well email; I still feel bad about how the breakup went down but when I get back I would like to be friendly with each other because we will run into each other. I hope you are well. Why did I do this? Nothing good can come of it. I am not going to get the response I desire. I know what I want is for her to apologize for asking to be friends with benefits 1.5 weeks after the breakup; I went off on her for it and didn't get an apology. I felt used and abused by someone I loved and who I felt loved me; I was entering a depression before the break up and since I was abused (non-sexually) as a kid, I plummeted. All I want is affirmation I meant more to her than sex. I know that affirmation must come from within. I can't rely on her for it. Self esteem must be internal. If she responds with exactly what I want to hear, I feel I will be ok, but the chances of that are slim to none. I'll likely get no response -- true, I would never be so cold to someone -- but she has shown time and again she cares more about herself than me (which she should, but she was cold to me). I'm not back to square 1. But I've lost a couple weeks. When am I going to learn that I deserve more? When am I going to learn that I don't have to mend all fences and live in lala land where everyone can be friends? Depression makes me do some irrational things. I haven't been able to see a therapist since moving to my new town; I will in a couple weeks. I guess all I can do is assert that I will be fine with or without a response from her. That it is ok what I did. It's not the end of the world, and I will be fine. Damn these weak moments. She won't give me what she wants; it's been that way since the beginning. She is a lovely woman in many ways, but she did use and abuse my love and affection. She is incapable of questioning her own righteousness and admitting any wrongs of her own. I don't know why I extended an olive branch. I deserve better.
Advocate's_Devil Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I feel badly for you. However, I don't see how her asking to be fwb's is really something she should apologize for. She was offering all she had to give.
Author oppath Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Really, you wouldn't be insulted if after dating for 6 months, you were dumped, and 1.5 weeks later that person asked if you were willing to be friends with benefits? I find it very cruel to ask that of someone who is hurt and vulnerable. It made me feel used. Now, that feeling is internal, true, but it really devastated me. I had a right to express anger about it, I had a free pass to go off, and in my opinion, 9/10 people would say "I'm sorry. Obviously that really hurt you. You deserve more than that."
loveinlife Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Oppah, i've been through what you have. My first initial breakup with my ex resulted this, she didn't ask for ffb until 2months later. It did make myself feel bad, like im just a piece of meat to you and you don't even care about me anymore. Although i hated the ffb thing, i still went ahead to have sex with her for one last time bc i missed it. I hate her so much yet i miss her, watching her leave me and seeing someone else. Its painful.
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