Am I crazy?

[vinodhv]

So I've been seeing this girl since December. We spent a month chatting online, then when we got back to school (med school), we started hanging out daily. We've been 'in a relationship' since February and have had sex twice. She however is a commitment phobe, and I'm tentative to get too deep into a relationship because I've been hurt in the past. We've been through some tough times but are doing ok...so I thought.

 

She has a mentor from college who was a professor/friend/and more. He is married and they had an emotional affair for several years, which culminated in them kissing twice. They were 'friends' before anything happened. Now she has moved away from him and has 'moved on' with the feelings, but doesnt want to lose the friendship, though he is still in love with her and plans on leaving his wife soon (he tells my gf that she is the 'one').

 

She barely has spoken to him since we've been dating and recently sent him a birthday email. She will be back in his hometown in May and he wants to meet for coffee, which she has agreed to as well. Note, the last time they met for coffee, he didn't tell his wife about it (i.e. he feels guilty about it).

 

Am I out of line for not wanting my gf to see him? She says she doesnt want to be with him or is attracted to him at all, but doesn't want to lose a friend. My argument is that there is no friendship there and she will only renew his zeal for her. At one point, he was calling her daily while married.

 

She also claims that she intended to tell him that the 'emotional door' between them was going to be closed. I just don't buy it. Any opinions?

 

I strongly feel that 'friendship' is tainted permanently when feelings and more are involved.

[kepners]

bloody simple mate, you go with her! end of story. or you be a man and put ur ****ing foot down and tell her not on my watch. if u reverse the situation i garantee she would go LOOPY over you meeting an ex.

she wants to meet her for only one reason!! and u know what that is. to get her back. she wants to meet him because why else send the card! its all about showing each other your thinking about the other person with out being blant.

well, u have to stand firm and be a man. if u dont you for ever have this sword hanging over you!

now for me, i would honestly call him and mate, why you contacting my misses OR if you want to meet up thats cool, but i'm coming to see you, cuz ur my misses mentor and its nice to see who helped become the woman i love.

u know what i mean. if u let her go on her todd u will loose her regardless of what platitudes your being told.

K

[KKLULESS]

That mentor is taking your gal for a ride. She needs to understand this first. If you think that it is all 'platonic', frens - kinds story, pls shut the door to these beliefs. It does not work like this. I am into such a case right now. I banged the door on a guy last night. He came all the way to another country, almost slept with me and cried for me while leaving...and now he is back to his country.

 

He wanted to continue with me 'you kno as frens', and also looking for gals to get married to! He also wanted me to be there for him emotionally for him. whilst he searches for gals to get married to... Whereas, I really liked him. Similar to ur gal-mentor case. I would suggest that you take a stand on this.

 

Gals like mature men. This could be a reason why she wants to hang on around him, though he is married. for a woman, being emotional attached is more important than the physical drama in bed. Very true! They need to be fed emotionally, and then they are urs for life... This is it! The mentor has struck a fine chord with ur gal by having as you said "emotional affair for several years"....