JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't think I am a bad person & It's not the worst thing someone can do. Does anyone else agree?
Impudent Oyster Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't think I am a bad person & It's not the worst thing someone can do. Compared to what? Rape? Murder? Child abuse? Yes, I guess there are worse things you could be.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't think I am a bad person & It's not the worst thing someone can do. Does anyone else agree? Nope. If you wouldn't enjoy being on the other side, the person being cheated on, you shouldn't engage in the behavior. Being an OW displays a certain lack of character, when the OW is aware of her status.
quankanne Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 no, you're not a bad person, nor is adultery the worst thing you can come up with, but IMO, you're not very smart by being involved with a married lover because ultimately HE calls the shots by lying to both lover and wife so that he gets the best of both worlds. not sure why someone would feel compelled to sell themselves short for a situation like that, but I guess we all have our forms of self-torture ...
greengoddess Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Well you very comfortably announced that on here amongst other other women. Would you announce that to your friends and family? That may be the barometer to how you really feel about it. If you are too ashamed to tell them then yes it's not good.
pelagicsands Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 If you wouldn't enjoy being on the other side, Yeah, that's the question I meant to ask. Thanks.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Have you ever tried being on top? Why would you ask me that?
greengoddess Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Why would you ask me that? I think maybe because you are considered a bottomfeeder getting the leftovers? Just a guess as how I would interpret it.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Well you very comfortably announced that on here amongst other other women. Would you announce that to your friends and family? That may be the barometer to how you really feel about it. If you are too ashamed to tell them then yes it's not good. My friends & family have met my s/o. No problems at all.
greengoddess Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 My friends & family have met my s/o. No problems at all. and do they know he is married? and they're ok with that?
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 My friends & family have met my s/o. No problems at all. And they knew that he was married, right?
pelagicsands Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 and do they know he is married? and they're ok with that? Careful not to use the word married like it means something. It's just a piece of paper, dude.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 and do they know he is married? and they're ok with that? I never asked them for thier approval. I just told them that he was still married.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Why is your undertone so smug? I don't see where you think I have smug undertones.
ThumbingMyWay Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't think I am a bad person & It's not the worst thing someone can do. Does anyone else agree? Agree that you are a good person?....or that cheating is not the worst thing a person can do? First off i dont know you...but I will give benefit of the doubt that you are a good person. And yes, people can do some horrible stuff....like murder and child abuse and such.... but as B_O just said.....being on the otherside....being betrayed by someone you trusted, love and thought was geniuene....well.....i was there...and I can say....its was the worst thing I ever had done to me by someone. So...I guess your question is relative to the end user....for me it was the worst....for you...well I guess it isnt. I mean....your post speaks VOLUMES asking for validation for your cheating....you wotn get much help here with that. If you want help in getting out and seeing the truth...then stick around...its a great place. OH....just to elaborate on what you said....being a good person and all.. My wife cheated on me. And she was a good person. She has lots of freinds, everyone ask her for advice. People like to be around her becasue she just is a pleasant to be around. She helps people, is liked at work, etc, etc. She lights up a room. During our recovery, during my angry stage....oOne day she says to me. Why do you hate me? . I am a good person, people like me, my friends and family all think I am a caring person. I dont talk bad about people and everyone says I am fun to be around and that I am a good friend. I looked her straight in the eye and said. "maybe its becasue I am the only one who knows you are a decietful, lying, cheating women" she didnt have too much to say after that. I guess its up to you to figure out what you think is GOOD. I mean the mere faact that you came here asking us if we think its OK...shows me your not quite sure yourself. Personally, I think you hate being the OW...and you just want validation from someone to help the pain of the truth go away.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I'm not the one cheating on his wife though. And I'm not looking for validation. This forum says " Support for those involved with a committed partner"
ThumbingMyWay Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I'm not the one cheating on his wife though. And I'm not looking for validation. This forum says " Support for those involved with a committed partner" SO....hes the one cheating....but since you are single you are not assisting in said cheating? Take the blinders off....you are just as much a part of the betrayal to his wife as he is. Dont for one minute think otherwise. Support.....well.....sorry, but the truth is...your going to get support in trying to help see the truth of the matter. Your not going to get support for encouraging the affiar. Yes you will get some other OW here to stand by your side....but it will be VERY rare for someone to support your affair.
yousaveme Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 What support are you looking for? Staying , or Leaving
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 What support are you looking for? Staying , or Leaving Neither Someone said they were the OW & I decided to type in OW & it brought me here & I decided to post.
sadbuttrue Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 an affair may not be the worst a person can do in thier life, but it is an extremely lonely situation to be in. i think being an OW is one of the worst things you can do to yourself though.
HappyAtLast Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 OK, then. I may be wrong, but it more sounds like you are looking for an argument as to whether affairs are right or wrong rather than support on being the OW. Of course, I could be wrong. Neither Someone said they were the OW & I decided to type in OW & it brought me here & I decided to post.
Author JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Careful not to use the word married like it means something. It's just a piece of paper, dude. They are commonlaw married. No paperwork.
smartgirl Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You say you aren't asking for validation, but it seems like that is exactly what you were doing with your first post. I am not a puritan, but I tend to believe that whenever lying, sneaking around and participating in deceiving an innocent person are involved - that can't be a good thing. You can look around at all the unsavory things people do - lie, cheat on their taxes, shoplift, spread false rumors, etc - and say, "well, there are worse things aren't there?" Sure there are worse things. Does it make the unsavory things right or even ok? No, it doesn't. Yes, the MM is the one cheating on his SO (the paper doesn't matter), but you are a participant in actions that will ultimately deeply hurt another person. So don't delude yourself that what you are doing is ok. I think it is the rare OW in this forum that thinks anything about the A feels ok. No one wins. Everyone loses in the end.
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