Guest Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Ok, I could really use some advice please! I'm 20 and in my first relationship. Its been about a year and a half since we got together. For ages it was all really good, we were in the honeymoon stage and I thought he was perfect. I still think he's great, he's such a good guy, really clever, funny, kind etc. I've had jealousy issues in the past because he's a lot older than me and has had many girlfriends whereas I've hardly even kissed anyone else, but i know he loves me. The thing is, for several months I've been wavering between adoring him and wanting to stay with him for ever and then being not so sure, wondering whether I should try out other people before settling down. Its just that I know I'm very young and inexperienced, I dont want to make a mistake that I'll regret when I'm older. Also, maybe if I had a few more relationships I wouldnt get jealous over exes anymore. I had a v bad patch of jealousy over christmas when I considered leaving just cos I felt so bad for so long. I know its not his fault and I desperately want to stop these feelings and get over it, I dont want to punish him when he's done nothing wrong. Its better now, but its still always there in the back of my mind. A couple of times he has said things without thinking that were incredibly insensitive, but I know he just didnt think and felt bad after. But I think that if I feel anything like I did at christmas again, I cant stay, I just cant go through all that again, it lasted about 3 months and it felt like hell. The thing is, this being my first relationship, I dont know what to do. Are these wavering doubts a sign that I should end it? Or is it just that we've reached a different and more difficult stage of our relationship? I have been feeling like some of the passion has gone, at the beginning he used to say I was gorgeous and now any compliment I get is veiled in a jokey insult. Its just his way, I've always known that, but it has grown a bit irksome. I tell him he's gorgeous and I kiss him all the time but if we're watching tv and i lean over to kiss him on the cheek, he doesnt move closer to help and he only kisses me back if I ask him to and then he doesnt always tear his eyes away from the tv! but he does show his love in other ways, for instance he's driving 300 miles to where I live to take me back to uni this weekend and he just offered to do that, I didnt even ask. I dont want to lose a wonderful man or waste this relationship just to go out and have a few disappointing experiences, but I also dont want to look back in 10 years time and regret that I didnt go out and have fun or try out other people when I was young. I cant stand to hurt him, I know he really cares about me and can see this lasting- I finish uni this year and he said I can move in if I want. I wondered if these confusing feelings are due in part to the changes in my life as I prepare to leave education and enter the world of work. Is it just a case of the grass is always greener on the other side? I know when I was single, I did once snog some random guy in a club, but I never saw him again and wasnt bothered- but it didnt stop me feeling lonely and wanting someone special in my life. Now that I have that, am I just being ungrateful? I just wish someone could just tell me exactly what it is I feel cos I'm so confused! Please, I cant look at this objectively and I have no previous experience- can anyone give me any advice what to do?
Heartache11 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Hi guest, I don't mean to scare you or further your doubts, but I am going to share some of my story so maybe you can relate. I dated my ex for 2 & 1/2 years. I am your age now and he is a few years older than me. He was my first serious boyfriend, first everything basically. In the beginning of the relationship, everything was great. This lasted for about 9 months and then it faded. A lot of things happened in that 9 months to 2 & 1/2 year period, where I went to college, we broke up, he was 250 miles away, etc. We got back together after our break up, but that only lasted about a year until this February. After the great 9 months, my ex would not compliment me and would make rude jokes, be more interested in tv, never want to make a move to kiss me or be physical, wouldn't communicate about his feelings, just like your boyfriend. It frustrated me and made me think about things, but I always told myself it would be okay because he always talked about moving in after university and getting married. Also, he would drive me to school like your boyfriend so I thought he cared enough. This February, he basically broke up with me out of the blue saying feelings faded and I should have seen the signs. He said he needed to be young and go have fun, that we can't be 'right now'. I was devestated. And that leaves me where I am now, wishing I would have taken note of the signs a lot earlier and wondering what this 'right now' means for the future. Basically, I feel if you are doubting your feelings for him and he isn't even making an attempt to make you a priority over tv (actions speak louder than words), maybe you should let him know how you feel and see how he reacts. Try and talk about how he is treating you and if he doesn't make the effort to correct his faults, tell him to take a hike. Then again, I don't know your exact situation and I may be reading into it too much. I hope this helps somewhat.
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