Checking in - haven't been here in awhile...

[mav100]

Well, I don't think I've stopped by or posted on LS for a couple of months regarding my situation. I figured I'd stop back and post an update and see if anyone has any words of encouragement.

 

It's been quite some time since my last contact with my ex. The last time I spoke with her on the phone was the end of December. The conversation did not go well - basically me telling her to leave me alone and her saying the same.

 

Things have only gotten worse for me since then. When it rains, it pours I guess.

 

I was at a bar with some friends about a month and a half ago, and someone started fighting with a friend of mine. I tried to break it up, but one of the other guys friends punched me. So obviously I proceeded to punch him back. Of course, with my luck being what it is, I punched him just as the police were walking through the door, so I ended up being the one that got arrested. GAH! Never had any legal trouble before in my life - it was quite the bad experience.

 

The judge at the arraignment set the bail very high, and my family, who is of limited means, could not come up with the money to bail me out right away, so I spent 5 days in jail.

 

When I got out, I learned that I had been suspended from my job for being locked up, and upon returning to work the next week, I was immediately demoted. They also docked me 4 days of pay, and are attempting to suspend me for ANOTHER 3 weeks due to this incident. Funny, my lawyer says self defence, it won't amount to much in court, but work seems to want to screw me for it.

 

Of course all of this has put me even further behind in my bills than I had gotten because I had to move out from living with the ex so quickly. My finances are shot right now. And the pay cut is not going to help.

 

A few weeks ago, the building my son lives in with his mother (not the recent ex BTW) caught fire. Luckily no one was hurt, and his apartment was not burned, but it forced them to look for a new home as the building was condemned.

 

To top it all off, a couple of days ago, someone hit my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Not alot of damage, maybe $300 worth, but it was a hit and run, so I'm going to have to eat the cost of the repairs.

 

Can anyone tell me when it ends? Since the breakup, my life has just taken a huge turn for the worse, and so many of the turns seem completely beyond my ability to control.

 

The worst part about all of this is, she was one of the things that gave me strength in tough times. With all of this other stuff going on now, I find myself thinking of her again, almost 6 months after the fact.

 

I even find myself questioning if I should be upset with her about her actions. Did she really cheat, since I have no proof, or did she just realize she had unfinished business with her ex that outweighed our relationship? We lived together, we were together all the time, it would have been hard to slip away to be with the guy. I think we have all been there - been torn between an ex and currrent relationship. I almost feel sorry for her for being in that situation at that time now. Is it right for me to feel like this?

 

She went back and forth for a week or two after the breakup on who she wanted to be with. Then she just flat out choose him and began ignoring me. I went N/C the beginning of December. The end of December her sister called me about the alleged "drive by" I did of the ex's car in the parking lot where she worked. Funny, no way I could do it since I was at work myself at the time, but she jumped to conclusions it was me because the security guard described the car as a black Chevy. How many of them are out there?

 

Needless to say I spoke with her sister for about 45 minutes when she called, and her sister had alot to say. Then I spoke to the ex later that night and after arguing with her about where I was, the conversation devolved into both of us telling the other to leave them alone.

 

Reflecting upon all of these things since the other day, I have come to a horrible conclusion. Maybe I was a rebound between stints with her ex. Maybe she never really cared in the first place.

 

And the worst part - why the hell am I thinking about her NOW when I have so many other problems?????

 

/end rant

[Cossette4]

Sorry to hear about the series of bad crap that keeps happening to you

 

I think the reason you are thinking about HER is because all this other bad stuff is getting you down.

 

In my personal experience, if other things are going really well, my breakup situation seems like something I can push aside and not dwell on, but when stuff isn't going so well, then the breakup situation seems immense and overpowering.

 

It sucks because when sucky things are happening, the last thing you need is a sucky breakup to haunt you, but that's how our minds work.

 

On the positive side, when good things start happening, that feeling will probably fade.

[mav100]

Thanks Cossette. Things at least are starting to feel like they are clearing up. Just hoping it keeps going that way. I've actually been trying to avoid the forums here somewhat and keep my mine off her so I can cope with the other stuff and stay positive. I guess works work - I'm there 8 hours a day, so what does it matter what I do? It's the same amount of time. As far as the arrest - lawyer says its self defense, plenty of witnesses, and I was trying to do the right thing - should go away completely or be a slap on the wrist (I hope!). My son seems to be better, and they are all set with a new place. The car - well it can be repaired...

 

I've read some of your most recent thread - contact after 7 months, that has to be tough. Not really sure what you want with him, but if you decide to give it another go, let him make all the moves. You don't need to chase someone who left for a "skank" as you so nicely put it!

 

I've gotten to the point with mine that I feel I'll never hear from her again. She's heard about my recent setbacks, and apparently it just made her think even more she was right to leave for her ex. A friend recently told me that if she actually gave a ****, she would have called just to see if I was ok. Since she hasn't - she doesn't and never did care. I guess I was just a rebound from her mom's death and her previous stint with her ex. Sucks to think that because I really thought she loved me as much as I did her. Funny how people can pull the wool over your eyes, isn't it??

[Cossette4]

I've read some of your most recent thread - contact after 7 months, that has to be tough. Not really sure what you want with him, but if you decide to give it another go, let him make all the moves. You don't need to chase someone who left for a "skank" as you so nicely put it!

 

Oh, don't worry. I'd never give it another go after he treated me with such disrespect as he did, and after he's been with a skank. I'd never even be able to look at him the same.

 

The person I loved for 5 years is gone...this guy is a different person, and a very creepy one at that.

 

I don't know what to make of his attempt at "contact" other than to think, "After all you've put me through, you must be insane to think I'd respond to your pathetic text message. You'll have to try harder than that if you even want me to give you the time of day."

 

If he does try harder, I'm still torn whether I even want to have a talk with him and finally forgive him and be at peace with the whole thing or whether it's not even worth my time.

 

Sucks to think that because I really thought she loved me as much as I did her. Funny how people can pull the wool over your eyes, isn't it??

 

Indeed. Some people really suck. And some people are good at putting on an act when it's convenient for them or because they are too cowardly to share their true feelings. But that's really their problem in the long run when you think about it. Sucks for them that they have no integrity.