yousaveme Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Wondering did LS affect you in your relationship? If so can you explain. Any regrets ?
melodymatters Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 While LS did not directly affect one certain relationship, it's been a great " head check" that keeps me strong, healthy and wiser when it comes to ALL my relationships and issues that affect them. It's been a terrific sounding board, it's helped me treat myself and others with respect,and to let go of old painful relationships that I was no longer getting anything out of. NO REGRETS !!!! :)
Author yousaveme Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I have to agree. As I dont think its affected me. It has made me think but certain things. Reading the threads can certainly be an enlightenment. While LS did not directly affect one certain relationship, it's been a great " head check" that keeps me strong, healthy and wiser when it comes to ALL my relationships and issues that affect them. It's been a terrific sounding board, it's helped me treat myself and others with respect,and to let go of old painful relationships that I was no longer getting anything out of. NO REGRETS !!!! :)
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't know. Maybe. LS has given me lots of thoughts and ideas to ponder. On many threads I learn something about myself and my relationships. Sometimes I even change my mind about something because someone else shows me another side of the coin. LS has made me realize that I'm not all that messed up and that many people share my kind of insanity. Overall I think it has been a good thing for me, except it can be quite addicting and I tend to procrastinate on doing life's less pleasant chores in favor of posting and reading. I know this post doesn't have anything to do with how LS relates to the Other Man/Woman kind of relationship. I don't have one of those.
BenThereDunThat Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I got exactly what I wanted out of LS, and then some. I came here because I needed to hear someone tell me how foolish I was being. The fact that they were "strangers" made it even more helpful. I knew I could count on the people here to put my feet back on the ground and show me point-blank the reality of the effed up situation I was in. My friends and family were treating me with kid gloves about it because they didn't want to hurt me, which I don't blame them, I was going through some rough times. I got just as much out of the responses to other people's post as I did to responses to my own.
Babybird Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 This is the only thread I really read on a constant basis. I can't say that it changed my R but it did effect it. I became more skeptical of MM story. I realized that the things that he tells me are the things that all MM tell the OW. Not saying that I don't believe anything that he says but am aware how rare it is that they leave. I regretted finding this site at first. I didn't want to hear the truths that are shared hear. Now I know that it had made me a little less vulnerable and naive and a little more strong. I guess you could say it empowered me.
JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I like being able to read here on LS. Great advice. Not always great, but most of the time.
Kenzo Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I regretted finding this site at first. I didn't want to hear the truths that are shared hear. Now I know that it had made me a little less vulnerable and naive and a little more strong. I guess you could say it empowered me. Absolutely! When I first started reading here I was in complete denial, he would never do this or say that...yeah right! Like you, babybird, I still believe him a lot of the time, but I listen very closely and I take a lot of things with a grain of salt. I also regretted finding it then, now I can't stop myself...what an eye-opener! When I say things to MM now, he's like "where did that come from?" & "Who is telling you these things?", so it has definitely affected our relationship, in a good way for me...bad for him!
JustBecause Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 My mm doesn't know I come on here. He'd probably get really pissed.
Author yousaveme Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Maybe he could read things on here that would help him out. There are a few guys on here. My mm doesn't know I come on here. He'd probably get really pissed.
smartgirl Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I would say I have experienced a mixed bag. I'm a BS, so some of the OW posts have been disturbing to me and I had to stay away for awhile. Why did I read them -- just trying to understand what happened and perhaps gain some insights about what my H and the OW were thinking. Ultimately I would say reading the posts has been helpful, but not for the reason you might imagine. I have done A LOT of reading about affairs and what I see in the posts tends to confirm all the reading. From a personal standpoint, it helps to be able to write about these things and hear comments back. I have not and will not discuss my Hs A with anyone but our MC, so having one place to hear from others has been somewhat helpful.
Meaplus3 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Wondering did LS affect you in your relationship? If so can you explain. Any regrets ? I have found this site to be a big source of comfort to me. So many here have their own styles of posting and I think that offers a good perspective to an individual's thread. I have made a couple of good friend's as a result of finding this site and I am glad for that. Although I wish I had found the site for another reason other than and "A". AP:)
puddleofmud Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 In answer to the question: this has been invaluable. At times, because what I share w/ others often echoes my feelings about what I need do for myself and also because I hear other's opinions/thoughts that gives me more insight. It tend to post more on Fri eve because I feel better about starting my weekend without all the worries and bad thoughts I've been carrying so I may have a better weekend. I do often go to sleep Fri night where I pray in my heart for others who are suffering as myself. I ask for clarity and peace within us and ask if there could be anything I may do or know to help that it be revealed to me or whomever needed this. Sometimes it helps me to cry when I have been refusing to cry, or angry when I've been refusing to be angry, or better when I've even refused to be better and am wallowing in my self crap. The only thing LS has not helped is my spelling. I need therapy for spelling as I have anxiety over my grammar and spelling. I never read my posts the next day because I am so certain I wrote something badly!!!!
GreenEyedLady Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Loveshack helped me to make many valuable friends (you know who you are)... But I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect my R... If you're a HappyOw, as sad as I am to say it, you probably won't find what you're looking for...which I really wish that wasn't the case...But I guess that's what PM's are for... And it's really helped sharpen my debating skills and become more assertive and understanding...
torranceshipman Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hand on heart...it's been excellent and got me out of a bad situation MUCH quicker. I totally trusted my exMM's lies and reading stuff on LS instantly opened my eyes to how very manipulative the guy was, and that he wasn't the honest person I thought he was...it was like having a bunch of very knowledgeable friends giving me well informed advice about what was really going on. I dumped him like a hot potato, realising he was NOT the main he painted himself to be, so it's good riddance to bad rubbish, I say...it was hard to get out of the R seeing as we also work together, etc, but I did it and I'm proud of myself - some people on here really helped me do all of that. I'm really back to feeling like myself now, I'm happy and I even managed to recently meet a great single guy (who I'd never had met if I'd still have been involved with the MM) - I'd totally recommend that OW on here think about walking away as quickly as possible.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 LS has affected all the relationships that I am involved with for the better. No I do not practice polygamy, but I am referring to relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. Anything that I wasn't sure about, I wrote about it on here or I read around on here and found the answers that I was looking for. This place has definitely opened my eyes.
frannie Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Oh, what a great question. I don't know whether this site has affected the outcome, or main direction of my relationship (with a MM), or whether things may have gone in this direction more or less, with other details, or what. I know for certain that the people here have been instrumental in my going NC twice... in my thoughts about the whole 'affairs are about this' thing. In my disbelieving, undermining, questioning every little thing about my relationship with MM... and in my unhappiness, worriedness... everything negative about my situation... No, ALL of that didn't come from here. I was involved in an abusive relationship before I met MM, and I found it hard to trust anyone since then. But LS certainly didn't help the 'don't trust him' feelings I had, which I think were from my earlier experiences, rather than from who he was/is. To sum up... yes, I think this site made worse my own existing worries about men in relationships, which I'd more or less dealt with... and then every post I read was full of 'what if what if'... it didn't assist with returning to a normal way of living life and dealing with relationships. I feel that I fed into something of a moral crusade against affairs, a site more suited to 20 somethings with no previous relationship exprience, and a forum very suited to people who are generally more interested in telling others how to live their life than being open to other ways of looking at things. So yes, LS has affected things from day to day and long term in our affair. Perhaps things would have turned out differently had I not tried all the NCs... and had I not had such a cynical view of our future... and had I not pushed and pushed because of my doubts, fanned to something real by the words written here. Maybe I would have been more laid back through these three years instead of being uptight and panicky... and maybe I'd be in a different place now. But I can't tell.
movinon05 Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I wasn't going to post here because my A was done long before I came here. I had no idea in my little cocoon of a world that there were so many in my situation. I did find this place before it ended, but I wasn't going to post because I KNEW my MM was going to leave, was going to be with me and we were going to be happy. And, of course, in my mind, no one here could tell me otherwise. My situation was different! HA!!!!! Well, obviously it was not. It was much the same as everyone here. And so, when MM popped back into my life last year sending me gifts, this place was a lifeline! And it served its purpose for me at the time I needed it most. To stay strong and really see AND have affirmed the thoughts that had been running round in my head. I was no longer alone to battle the after effects of the A. These people were my shoulder to lean on. In that sense, it was invaluable. What I see everyone going through here is exactly what I went through all those years alone. The things MM said to me and the promises he made and the excuses he gave for not leaving are woven throughout these pages in other's threads. Each time I read another, I want to pull that person aside and yank them back into reality and save them from the ensuing pain because I know it all so well. I was on a crusade at one point to help every OW out there and get them to wake up and smell the coffee. But I soon learned it didn't make a difference. Because just as I wouldn't have listened years ago, neither will anyone else be swayed when they're caught in the web. They have to live it all themselves, with the thought provoking comments made by others as they struggle. I don't post here very often now because I'm busy living my life with new direction. But I'm glad for the OW/OM who have this LS shoulder to lean on. And hopefully it helps get them through for even a little bit.
sb129 Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 My affair with MM was over (just) too when I came on LS. But LS helped me see what the R really was (a sham) and how I had had a lucky escape from an emotionally abusive partner. It helped me stay strong thruout the breakup, and know that I was doing the right thing. Now, it helps me "reality check", gives me lots of different perspectives, and reading some peoples posts makes me realise how lucky I am to now have Wonderboy, and makes me appreciate him. I think some of the advice given to other people helps me to keep my R with him healthy. It STILL reinforces to me that getting away from ex MM was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. And I like the banter. Some of the political and religious threads have taught me things too.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 LS didn't effect the R, as I have been 2 yrs out of it. However, I was/am far from "over it". Although there has been NC, I still love the man. Some days were really rough. *sigh* For me, reading in the OW/OM forum was a help. Seeing how almost every MM tells the same lies, uses the same excuses, makes the same promises....that helped me to get more "over it" than I was before finding LS. (I think all MM use the same how-to manual! LOL)
sb129 Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 For me, reading in the OW/OM forum was a help. Seeing how almost every MM tells the same lies, uses the same excuses, makes the same promises....that helped me to get more "over it" than I was before finding LS. (I think all MM use the same how-to manual! LOL) I'll second that!! Man have I wised up. And LS has provided me with some much needed company, I like having this network of cyber-buddies. I got warm fuzzies today when DDL had noticed I'd been away... aw...-
pureinheart Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 LS and the people here really helped me, and have learned so much. I stumbled on this site when doing a search trying to understand why this man was the way he was. I had so many unanswered questions, and felt lost. Having already decided to get out of this horrible situation and had been in NC for several weeks prior. Reading the horror stories of D-Day, thought possibly I had gotten out in time, to my surprize D-Day was the essential climax needed concerning the game they play with each other. As each step began to unfold I was given excellent advice and confirmation that this entire family was not right in the head. I had a difficult time understanding that people really do conduct themselves in the manor in which this family did. You all have been an inspiration.....I see there are people out there with clear thinking and with something important to say....
Baileykeg Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I can't remember how I first stumbled across LS, but I can say hands down that it has been invaluable to me. I, like so many other, thought I was the only one going through my situation with MM. It was eye-opening and (sadly) comforting to find a place where others understood my pain. All of the support and advice (both good and bad) I received from everyone was the catalyst to give me the strength to do what I needed to do in my relationship. Fortunately things have worked out very well and my MM did end his marriage. We are together now and planning our future. While I think our situation was a tiny bit different in that MM didn't divorce his wife FOR me, there were so many ups and downs that I went through during his "decision" time to finally file for divorce that parallelled what so many of you have (or are still) going through. It was refreshing to be able to pour out my heart completely and not worry about what people might think about the choices I had made. I am so thankful that LS was my "light" during a very dark time in my life.
Baileykeg Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Thanks Iz. My schedule has been crazy busy lately and I haven't been on much. I try to check in from time to time to see how everyone is doing. Great to hear from you.
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