justanothermother Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I *know* I need to leave. He is emotionally abusive, blatantly unfaithful, cold, and and a likely candidate for NPD. Ever since I became pregnant with my first child he has tortured me emotionally and berated me to the point where I no longer have any self-esteem left. Things will never improve if I stay. He will only continue to destroy me. He is a sadist and I hold no false hope of him changing. That being said, I am scared to death of my future. I keep having intruding thoughts that I am going to end up old and alone and it scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified that I am going wind up one of those little old ladies hobbling around an empty run down apartment putting food out for a cat that's never coming back home. No one is going to want to get involved with an ugly, aging, disabled woman who has this much baggage and I find myself grieving for a life and love I will never have. God, I'm pathetic.
Gunny376 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You could be blissfully, insanely in love for forty years with the absolute love of your life ~ and still end up old and alone. Its called life? First things frist ~ we need to work on your self esteem? Old boy's done worn you down, and has you believing his BS! Keep posting!
sumdude Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 From what you're describing your present is terrifying already and a future without that terror would be nothing but an improvement. You are a human being with instrinsic self worth and do not deserve such treatment. If you are in fear for your health and/or life you need to find a safe way out of your predicament so the terror can stop. I don't have any advice as to how to do this but I hope someone else does.
umbo Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 With 6 billion people on this planet you can not be alone. YOu and your child are in a bad situation go to your parents house get from under this creep.
quiet1one1 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 First, it's a pretty good bet you won't be alone unless it's what YOU want. Second, from what you describe alone has got to be better than you and your kids being in that mess dontcha think?
dgiirl Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Petrified of the future? Yah, I felt that for a very long time and still do on occasion. But my fears have _always_ been much worse than reality! You certainly paint your husband in a negative light, but I have to ask you if you KNOW all these bad things about your husband, why are you putting up with it? You DO have choices here and you are 100% responsible for yourself and your own happiness! No one can make you sad or happy without your consent. Yes, change is a very scary thing. Uncertainty is a scary thing and it's a lot easier to make change when we're guaranteed the output. However, NOTHING in life is guaranteed and life is not always fair. And we all have to suck it up and take chances to get anywhere in life. There is no excuse to neglect yourself out of fear. You WILL survive living "alone" as much as you put your mind to it. I use to be petrified of living alone, now I absolutely love it! I've made changes in my life, I've made changes in myself, and I've taken responsibility for myself and my happiness, and I've changed my outlook on every single thing. Yes, not everything goes the way I want, nor have I really gotten involved with someone in the last two years and fear that I might be a single old lady for the rest of my life. But my life is a blessing each day! I am SO much happier nowadays than I have ever been in my entire life. I'm out meeting new and interesting people and never feel alone! And when I am alone, I just go out in public and people watch. There are people EVERYwhere, and 90% of them are good people willing to help whenever they can! Once you start taking responsibility for your life and decide how you WANT your life, your life will get better. Remember, you cannot build a life dependent on another person. There's no guarantee when people come into our lives and how long they stay. So building a future with a fantasy husband who will never die will get you nothing but grief and sadness. But if you focus on the things you CAN control, learning new things, trying new experiences, doing things to meet new people and go with the flow a little, you will be rewarded. As crappy as your husband sounds, the state of your life right now is your fault and your responsibility to fix. Read my history and you'll see that the fear is a lot worse than reality.
zellegirl Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hello, As a product of a mother in that situation, GET OUT NOW!! I will one day be your kids that this guy is torturing!! It's not fair for you or them! My mom thought the same way as you are now and 25years of abuse, two hurt children and one big trip to the hospital later she is getting a divorce, has found a great guy and is now living a good life. All she ever says is..."Why did I let him take this much of my life" Get out now they do not change and will one day turn on the kids even if it is just word that hurts just as bad if not worse!!! KIT
Curmudgeon Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I keep having intruding thoughts that I am going to end up old and alone and it scares the hell out of me. When I divorced the ex her fervent wish, hope and prayer was that I end up old, alone and lonely. The "old" I could live with. It beats the alternative. As for the rest, after 25 years of her belittling I was pretty much convinced that no one else would ever want me and settled into single life figuring that's the way it was going to be. She also made an absolute career of alienating our five children from me. Ya wanna talk about lonely? Thankfully, I was wrong. I spent two years thoroughly enjoying the peace, quiet and solitude of being alone. There was no one to answer to or have to put up with -- no one to put me down, disregard or disrespect me. I lived like a monk and did some real necessary soul-searching and worked on fixing those things that were wrong with me. At the end of the two years and at the age of 50 I finally asked someone out; someone I'd known, admired and respected professionally for five years. That friend and I have now been married for over 10 years and it's been a joy. As for the ex, she has to live with one of our sons and his wife because she can't make it on her own and the other four adult children want little or nothing to do with her. My wife and I have good relationships with all of them and with my four grandchildren. Older? Yes! Alone? No! Lonely? Not hardly! Don't sell yourself short or pre-suppose what life without this abuser will be like. It could turn out to be wonderful.
Author justanothermother Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 You certainly paint your husband in a negative light, but I have to ask you if you KNOW all these bad things about your husband, why are you putting up with it? You DO have choices here and you are 100% responsible for yourself and your own happiness! No one can make you sad or happy without your consent. Pretty much because at this point and time I have no money saved up, where to go, and no one to turn to for help. I have even called the local woman's shelter/abuse hotline and they said they can't help me because I am not being physically abused. I can go to a homeless shelter but honestly, I think it would be worse than the situation I am living in now. I don't even own a car or anything and both myself and my eldest child are disabled. All I can do is try to hide away money here and there until I have enough to move somewhere else. I also just wanted to say that people CAN make you miserable without your consent. As a victim of rape when I was younger, I know this to be true. Not trying to start anything, just saying...
Author justanothermother Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 First things frist ~ we need to work on your self esteem? Yeah. I went to therepy for years and it helped a bit. I have no insurance at the moment but once I get it back I'll have to find a way to start seeing someone again. Even if I get my self-esteem back I don't know if I'll ever have it in me to trust another man again anyhow. I was abused by my father, raped by my first boyfriend, second one used me for money, third relationship (ex-fiance) conned me out of almost everything I had and then ran away to be with someone else. Now this man who is the father of my children has done more horrible things to me than I could include in a book... I am a nice person (not to toot my own horn) and I have always treated the person I am with with adoration, consideration, and respect. I don't understand why my love life has played out this way. I must of have tortured babies in a past life or something....
Recommended Posts