mark1210 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I've known this girl for 6 months and have been in a relationship with her now for a month. About 8 months ago I put on some weight and didn't get the time of day from her. But after losing around 80 lbs (I'm now 5'8 150 lbs) she really started liking me. While I knew she lived at home with her folks (she's 27) it didn't bother me then but it bothers me now that I'm in a relationship with her. Her folks want her home by midnight, its an hour drive to get her home and I was late on one occasion and got her there by 1:15A. Her folks were less than pleased. She already works 10 hour days and is considering a part time job to help make ends meet. I informed her early on that I like to see my girlfriend at least twice a week. She's now telling me that odds are she will be working weekends and evenings and we're going to have next to no time for 3 months. My response was, well we need to shut this down and pick it back up in 3 months. She got bitter and told me that life throws curve balls at folks sometimes and its how they react that matters. While I agree with that to some degree, her living at home, having financial issues, and now working so much we rarely see each other just makes me feel like the timing is all off. I don't want to resent this woman for not having time to see me. I can't understand why my suggestion offended her. I'd rather stop something that's new and pick it up when things are much more calm. Maybe by then she will also have her own place.
Art_Critic Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Your suggestion offended her because it didn't offer a supportive solution.. The solution you offered was a one sided solution for you and not one for her. A relationship is more than just having your needs met.. Sometimes it is also about meeting their needs as well.. If she is having a tough time at work and home then it seems you should be supportive of her about it and help her get thru it..and by taking a break you are helping her at all. Maybe you are just not into her.. if that is the case then just break it off and find someone else that fits you better.
Author mark1210 Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I'm into her, but there are other areas I didn't mention that perhaps I should to give a clearer perspective. She sprang her foot a week into the relationship, I've been taking care of her and shuffling her around since she can't drive with her foot injury. I've resorted to staying in her city an hour away to get her to work just so I could turn around and go to my job (about 1.5 hours late of course). I've been quite supportive of her and her wanting a p/t job. It's just a lot to take in so early into a relationship, having to basically support her (why her folks don't bring her to work is beyond me but they wont or can't), and now her P/T job deal. Maybe I just feel its a lot to soak up so soon and it's stressing me out. Maybe I should just leave, but I'd hate to lose her as a friend. Whats the best way for me to approach her about it?
Art_Critic Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 What not sit down with her and simply ask her about the relationship ? It does sound like you are being there for her in a supportive manner.. It also sounds like you have a disconnect with her on things.. Nothing wrong with hashing it out so you know.. You might find out that she was upset or offended for a completely different reason than you thought.
chaos40 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I've known this girl for 6 months and have been in a relationship with her now for a month. About 8 months ago I put on some weight and didn't get the time of day from her. But after losing around 80 lbs (I'm now 5'8 150 lbs) she really started liking me. While I knew she lived at home with her folks (she's 27) it didn't bother me then but it bothers me now that I'm in a relationship with her. Her folks want her home by midnight, its an hour drive to get her home and I was late on one occasion and got her there by 1:15A. Her folks were less than pleased. She already works 10 hour days and is considering a part time job to help make ends meet. I informed her early on that I like to see my girlfriend at least twice a week. She's now telling me that odds are she will be working weekends and evenings and we're going to have next to no time for 3 months. My response was, well we need to shut this down and pick it back up in 3 months. She got bitter and told me that life throws curve balls at folks sometimes and its how they react that matters. While I agree with that to some degree, her living at home, having financial issues, and now working so much we rarely see each other just makes me feel like the timing is all off. I don't want to resent this woman for not having time to see me. I can't understand why my suggestion offended her. I'd rather stop something that's new and pick it up when things are much more calm. Maybe by then she will also have her own place. and what did losing weight have to do with this story again?
kepners Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 hahaha what did loosing wieght... HAHAH love the comment! superb. i can only assume the reader wants us to believe she shallow... like us men! and everyone else who wants the best for themselves. I am so critical! HAHA i am no different i dont like the situation mind, but what can you do when she has the magic over you! nothing but comply, just done loose ur male dignity. K
Author mark1210 Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 There was a point to me mentioning the weight...the point was that I knew I'd be considered selfish with how I'm feeling. I wanted to convey that what she did was no different by not giving me the time of day until I became "more attractive" Irregardless, I sat her down and told her face to face that we aren't able to give 100% to each other right now and that when we are able to do so I'd like to pick things up again and see where they go. Instead of her appreciating me for my honesty she goes off into some tirade about there being some other girl and crap like that. I don't get it...women always want honesty yet when they get it they can't seem to handle it and start verbally attacking the other person. Beats the hell out of me. ...
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 While I knew she lived at home with her folks (she's 27) it didn't bother me then but it bothers me now that I'm in a relationship with her. Her folks want her home by midnight, its an hour drive to get her home and I was late on one occasion and got her there by 1:15A. Her folks were less than pleased Uhm, at age 27, even living at home (for whatever that reason is) her parents have NO right to set a time for her to come home by. Christ, she's 3 years away from being 30 YEARS OLD!!! Her parents treat her like a teen. Yeah, that would bug me as well. Weird, very weird...
Touche Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Uhm, at age 27, even living at home (for whatever that reason is) her parents have NO right to set a time for her to come home by. Christ, she's 3 years away from being 30 YEARS OLD!!! Her parents treat her like a teen. Yeah, that would bug me as well. Weird, very weird... I don't agree. She's living under THEIR roof. They are within their rghts to make any rule they want. I suspect they're making that rule for a reason. I mean a 27 year-old living at home? She's not in school. She works. She should have her own place. Obviously she screwed up and hasn't grown up so they're treating her like the child she is. As for you, OP...like a said. She's a child. And a selfsh spoiled one at that. Why do you even still want to be with someone who on top of all of that is shallow. Does she really like you for YOU? Or does she only like you when you're thin and can act as her personal chauffeur. You're very handsome and you seem very sweet. You can do WAY better in my opinion.
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