PandorasBox Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Why does any woman get married? I just keep having these visions of her a few years from now cheating and then giving me the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. Some of the comments on that other board are utterly sickening and it just makes me mistrust all women. It makes me want to be a player and just use women. That other board, or this board, and your wife are not the reason you feel the way you do about women. I'm sure you are well aware of that. Your fear that women will hurt you stems from your life and interaction with your mother or other females who played a role in life. Until that past hurt has healed or you have learned that not ALL women are like this or that, you will always feel this way Woggle. Please refer to my signature, and yes I'm sure its easier said than done, but don't you want to try to get past the anger and hurt? Or is feeling the way you do, more of a safe place for you?
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 It actually has very little to do with my mother. I actually thank my mother for breaking the illusions about women that most men have. Her abuse prepared me for this world. I just see very few females that are trustworthy at all and it makes me wonder if I am just being a fool for trusting my wife.
ThumbingMyWay Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I just keep having these visions of her a few years from now cheating and then giving me the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. Whos to say a few years down the line a OW comes into your life? I say to myself all the time....I will never cheat...but ya know what...after all I ahve been thru....I cant speak in absolutes anymore. Now I can say I would resist tempation...but I havent been tempted yet...so who knows what I will do. I can say I wont....but what if the chemicals in my brain overpower my will and I give in to an affair...... it was very hard for me to think and accept this way of thinking...meaning i cant tell the future anymore...I can have hope and aspriations....but the truth is...i dont know what tommorrow will bring me and my marriage. So if you always have 1 foot in yesterday and 1 foot in tomorrow...your pissing all over today.... Take each day as a gift woggs. Spend each day with her as if it was your first. Keep an eye on the past and an eye on the future.....but keep the present in your pocket for safe keeping and nuturing. Now am I saying just live for today....no of cousre not....think and plan about the future..but dont worry about it. You need to find a way to let go of the resentment you ahve towards women. If you continoue the way you are....you wife may someday get sick and tired of living with man that dont trust her. Do you have ANY reason, from any of her actions from TODAY and the PAST that make you think she will cheat or that you cant trust her? Or do you project your resentment of OTHER womens actions on to your wife? if you do this....which IMO you do....you will never be able to grow with her....you will always be looking over your shoulder and always have your wall up....and someday she may not be there when you turn your head back. Trust her woggs.....if she breaks trust....then you have reason to worry.
Trialbyfire Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Woggle, what's your wife's attitude about cheating in general? Has she ever been cheated on before?
PandorasBox Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Her abuse prepared me for this world. I just see very few females that are trustworthy at all and it makes me wonder if I am just being a fool for trusting my wife. No, it didn't Woggle. It didn't prepare you for the world. It gave you a clouded misconception about women. She didn't break an illusion for you, she gave you a delusion, if anything. Anyway Woggle, I just hope if you are not in therapy anymore that you go back.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Woggle, what's your wife's attitude about cheating in general? Has she ever been cheated on before? She thinks cheaters are disgusting and she is disgusted by these women who think cheating makes them liberated feminists. Yes she has been cheated on before.
Trialbyfire Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Her attitudes are plenty different from these other women, aren't they?
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Wog, you need to shut off your computer and walk away. Do other things in your life other than sit and look for reasons NOT to trust your wife. This is where it's all leading to. Who gives a crap what MOST women (or men) do or don't do in their lives...What counts is what ONE woman does, and that is YOUR WIFE. Starting these types of threads, obsessing about how awful MOST women are, and how MOST women cheat and MOST women are cruel and out to screw over ALL MANKIND is KILLING you, KILLING your healing and most of all, KILLING your feelings for your wife. For a long time, I've read all your posts with an open mind, sympathized with you, fought and stood up for you, saw you get some therapy in, yet you keep on choosing to let your mind go negative and see the bad things in woman. It hurts, you've offended me, first time ever I think. Rarely do you even acknowledge those, like myself, who have been in your corner, cheering you on, helping you. It's like ALL that I've ever said and how I've helped you has meant NOTHING, and then you're ready the next day to start off all negative (doing threads like these that DO NOT HELP YOU, they HARM YOU) and pour out your insecurities and fears... I don't know how to help you anymore Woggle. Until you take control of your life, your thoughts and deal with the issues of your past, and do WEEKLY therapy, your life is going to be like it is now. Lonely, full of mistrust and wait for the marriage to end......It's not right Woggle. You have alot of good things in your life, I just wish you could learn to trust and have some faith. But, what do I know, I'm just a woman.
serial muse Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 It actually has very little to do with my mother. I actually thank my mother for breaking the illusions about women that most men have. Her abuse prepared me for this world. I just see very few females that are trustworthy at all and it makes me wonder if I am just being a fool for trusting my wife. Damn it, Woggle, I'm going to reply to this once and then stay away from your threads, because I'll be honest with you, every time I read them it makes me look twice at my BF and wonder whether he's going to turn into some kind of vicious woman-hater. It's like poison, what you write. Do you have any idea that that is the kind of effect your bitterness has on women?? If you can, imagine it to be the same sort of thing that you feel when you read these women's posts. Let me tell you something, you can go to any site, anywhere online and gorge yourself on the kind of poison that only comes from a CONCENTRATION of a SMALL group of people who happen to all think in a way that pains you. Such websites and forums exist for ANY kind of point of view out there. Unfortunately, for reasons best known to himself because he really should know better, Gunny has pointed you toward a concentration of people who think a certain way, and in the way that you do (given that your filters are crap thanks to your upbringing), you've decided to apply what you've read of what those FEW people think to all women. Yet AGAIN. Well, let me tell you, I've read stuff by people gleefully indulging in affairs - men and women both, and it hurts like hell to think there are people out there who suck that much, considering that I had to deal with it from the other side. And I've also been to the askmen site before and read what some of these guys have to say about women in general - the casual, cavalier way they treat them, and it's just painful and hurtful. And God knows that reading what you write about women is also painful and hurtful. But I decided to stop going to those forums and pointlessly hurting myself with sucky people's thoughts because it's just a small group of people's point of view, writ large on the blank slate of the Internet and giving it more of an appearance of significance than it warrants. Because I KNOW that not all people think that way, thank God, and that the vast majority of people are, in the Real World, actually willing to take people as they come and don't choose to impose their bitter boxes onto them. I know you could give a crap about what I, or any other woman on these boards, feels about the poisonous things you write about women here. But I can't for the life of me understand why you would do that to the woman you married, who as far as I can tell has done NOTHING to deserve your venom, who clearly LOVES you and God knows has put up with a lot of your crap. Grow up. DAMN. Or you will end up getting a divorce, and it will be all your own fault.
jmargel Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 By you implying to your wife that she is going to cheat, what she is hearing is 'I really don't love you, I don't trust you and you really don't mean that much to me'. This will drive her out of your life. Your insecurity and fear will become reality if you don't take steps to relieve this. STOP torturing yourself by reading bad stories. Your wife is not one of these stories and you are lucky guy to be with such a good woman. Second when these thoughts enter your head you have to FORCE yourself to close your eyes, pick out a good memorible moment of her or you two together and visualize and really feel it all over again. Re-live it in your memory down to every last detail. Focus very hard on this while keeping your eyes closed and breathing the right way. Do this enough times they will be transferring all this negative energy, worry and fear into something productive. If you don't beat this, it will beat you. Stop expecting the worst. Be the person she fell in love with, be yourself.. And you will have nothing to worry about.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 You claim that my words hurt but how do you think I and many other men feel when we read a bunch of manhating stuff? Do you women ever think about how that makes men feel? I doubt that you do.
Trialbyfire Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Listen to most rap songs when they discuss hoes and bitches. Read the statistics on infidelity, where there are more men than women who cheat and sometimes gleefully cheat, thinking that it makes them more men to string along more than one woman. Read the OM/OW forum where there are so many women involved with cheating men. Now tell me, how is that any different?
serial muse Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You claim that my words hurt but how do you think I and many other men feel when we read a bunch of manhating stuff? Do you women ever think about how that makes men feel? I doubt that you do. I don't write manhating stuff. Because I think about how PEOPLE feel. Men and women. Can you possibly train yourself to start thinking of women, like men, as INDIVIDUALS who each have feelings of their own? Can you possibly stop justifying your poison and crap and hurt of innocent people by saying some other *****ty person did it first and that makes it okay then??? Think about THAT.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I don't write manhating stuff. Because I think about how PEOPLE feel. Men and women. Can you possibly train yourself to start thinking of women, like men, as INDIVIDUALS who each have feelings of their own? Can you possibly stop justifying your poison and crap and hurt of innocent people by saying some other *****ty person did it first and that makes it okay then??? Think about THAT. I try to think like that. Believe me I truly do try to be fair to women and say that they are not all bad but then I see a board like that and I feel like just raging against the female gender.
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You claim that my words hurt but how do you think I and many other men feel when we read a bunch of manhating stuff? Do you women ever think about how that makes men feel? I doubt that you do. And I doubt you understand MY frustration of trying to help you and you completely ignore/acknowledge ME - DO you know what that feels like? What you get upset about, is exactly what behaviour you mimick here on LS. Did you read my post? Woggle, I've done nothing but help you in the past and present. I don't think I deserve to be treated like crap by you.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 And I doubt you understand MY frustration of trying to help you and you completely ignore/acknowledge ME - DO you know what that feels like? What you get upset about, is exactly what behaviour you mimick here on LS. Did you read my post? Woggle, I've done nothing but help you in the past and present. I don't think I deserve to be treated like crap by you. I appreciate you trying to help. When did I ever treat you like crap? I have never attacked you.
HopeForMe Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Only person I feel real sorry for is your wife. You are one disturbed person and you have very askewed views. You need years and years of therapy. Goodluck.
ThumbingMyWay Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 By you implying to your wife that she is going to cheat, what she is hearing is 'I really don't love you, I don't trust you and you really don't mean that much to me'. This will drive her out of your life. Your insecurity and fear will become reality if you don't take steps to relieve this. ditto. theres two important emotion needs a woman needs from her husband. #1 - They need to FEEL loved. Not just words...they need to FEEL it. #2 - They need to FEEL trusted. Saying I trust you then doing actions that are opposite wotn give her this FEELing of being trusted. You negative energy comes out when you get in your "moods". She can feel it from you...and those negative vibes you give out....affect those 2 important EN;s she needs from you. Ya know woggs.....after my wifes affair and reading all the crap here and seeing all the crap in my circle of firends. It seems TO ME...that most of the cheaters have been the women. So it has affected the way I think of women. I have become cynical towards them....I dont like it....but i have. BUT...I also know not all women do the things I find reprehensible. There are some very decent, loving, faithful women in this world. And you have one of them....dont push it away....let it in man.
IpAncA Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 She thinks cheaters are disgusting and she is disgusted by these women who think cheating makes them liberated feminists. Yes she has been cheated on before. There you go. Perhaps she isn't like those cheating women. I mean come one she's been cheated on herself. Sounds like you have trust issues and believe that all women are evil based on a small amount of cheating women. What about men. Think they can be trusted?
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I appreciate you trying to help. When did I ever treat you like crap? I have never attacked you. But when you post and say "all women are this, or all women are that" you ARE putting down and attacking ME too. Your words and how you say things is very powerful Woggle. You come across a certain way, even if you don't mean to. Thanks for replying back and I'm glad that you do appreciate the help. I also hope you are talking about this stuff with your therapist.
JustBreathe Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Woggle: you mentioned your mother was abusive. I don't know how she was abusive. My H was abused emotionally and physically by his mother, and he cheated on me repeatedly for 15 years unbeknownst to me. Among his reasons for doing so was that he thought I was cheating - I was not. He was always angry. Distant. I could not do enough for him. He was never satisfied even though I was very affectionate with him. Our marriage has been very hard, and now that I know he cheated, it is in deep deep trouble. He has gone to therapy for 2 years and it helped, but I just can't accept the things he did behind my back and I resent how badly I was treated. Please do not do this to your wife. I doubt I can ever have a relationship again. I couldn't trust a man anymore. Your wife is not your mother. She should not have to pay for what your mother did. If you were in fact abused, your wife isn't even what you're angry at.
amaysngrace Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Is it just me or is this a blatant double standard and the height of hypocrisy? I would say that in order for a woman to be liberated she needs to be liberal in her thinking and just accept porn as normal. She would also have to be liberal in the bedroom with her husband. Only. But if theirs was an 'open' marriage, then she should definitely be open to porn. The way you've described it, I don't think your comparison makes any sense.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't equate going to strip clubs and women cheating on their husbands as being anything close to the same thing. I don't give a rats ass if my man goes to a strip club. If he was spending all his free time and money at one that would be a problem, but going on occasion is totally fine because I trust him and he has never failed to be anything but respectful to my feelings and my need for monogamy. I think he's only been to a strip joint once in the 2 plus years we've been together. Cheating is a terrible, terrible thing to do. I cheated on my first husband, but have never cheated in any relationship since. It was a mean, hurtful thing to do and I feel so much shame and guilt for hurting him that way even though I am not unhappy at all that our marriage ended. It was a childish action and I honestly find cheating reprehensible.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I have calmed down now but this morning after reading that board all night I was ready to go to war with the female gender. I don't mean to be so hurtful to the women on here but I feel it is better to vent to people I don't know rather than taking it out on my wife or somebody else.
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Woggle, maybe you need to stop reading those types of threads and board that upset and piss you off so much. I am glad you're feeling better, but in all honesty, even coming here and venting and trying to go to war with women here, WHY not talk to your therapist to give you the coping skills, anger management, etc, instead of reacting angry and feel the need to let loose on people. Sure, it makes you feel better and yes, noone knows you online, you don't know anyone online, yet when you post here, it slams ALL women, not just the types you're angry with. *Little advice, maybe next time you vent like this, think abit and just say certain types of women or some women, and not say women and all women. Just because it's online, doesn't mean people don't have feelings...
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