coco_milkshake Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Dont think this is the right forum but here goes. As many of you know, I have a lot of problems at home and that is putting it mildly. The way in which I have been raised has caused me to think that maybe I am not fit or able to be in a relationship with someone. Being the youngest of 5 girls, the age gap between me and the other 4 are massive. I never had much in common with them and I was usually excluded. Mum would forcefully push me in there and I felt out of place. I had no one who was in my age group that I could hang around with. I wasnt allowed to be with my friends from school, still arent hehe. I am afraid that has affected my development. I am searching for this acceptance, not sure what kind, but I am. Maybe I am searching for that void that I crave that I cant seem to get from my family. I search elsewhere and I end up getting hurt every single time. My problem is I trust too easily and I give too much too soon and I end up paying for it. Sometimes I feel I am not cut out for this. I have a lot of love to give and I end up giving it to the people who dont deserve it. Either that or they know of the problems I have and that drives them away. I dont blame them really. I have so much baggage it weighs more than I do. I figure I am better off alone. That way I am saving myself heartache and not have any expectations from anyone and at the same time save others trouble.
justagirlforever Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Coco I felt like that for a long long time too being on your own (as in, not in a relationship) is what it sounds like you need in your life at the moment. At some stages of life that is (very) necesary. Things will change when it time and you are emotionally ready I too made some very stupid mistakes - just not knowing any better - because I too was incredibly trusting and giving (too much so) - possibly rather gullible and innocent. I'm still very trusting and giving - but with experience can be so with open eyes - because of the "mistakes" I made. In hindsight though - they weren't mistakes. They were part of live that taught me valuable lessons. So take some time out of that's what you feel you need.
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Coco, If you feel you need to,please see someone about your problems ok? I've felt like that alot to and people tried to get me to go get some proffesional help,but I shrugged it off,getting worse and worse until I had a nervous breakdown. Seeing a proffesional is good...I've been seeing someone for the last month and it helps ALOT....
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Dont think this is the right forum but here goes. As many of you know, I have a lot of problems at home and that is putting it mildly. The way in which I have been raised has caused me to think that maybe I am not fit or able to be in a relationship with someone. I've feel like that to ...I never thought I would be good enough,and that I would be just waisting a girls time...thats why I never bothered with relationships at all... Like I said above..A proffesional can help you with these feelings... My Therapist is bringing out the character I had left behind long ago. It works trust me:)
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I've feel like that to ...I never thought I would be good enough,and that I would be just waisting a girls time...thats why I never bothered with relationships at all... Like I said above..A proffesional can help you with these feelings... My Therapist is bringing out the character I had left behind long ago. It works trust me:) I am very happy for you Eric. My family banned me from seeking professional help so I am resorting to sneaking behind their backs and seeing a counsellor at university. I am hoping he gives me the courage to take that step of leaving my family to get a life of my own as my family have made my life a misery in more ways than one. You sound like a top bloke Eric. I wish you all the best.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Dont think this is the right forum but here goes. As many of you know, I have a lot of problems at home and that is putting it mildly. The way in which I have been raised has caused me to think that maybe I am not fit or able to be in a relationship with someone. Being the youngest of 5 girls, the age gap between me and the other 4 are massive. I never had much in common with them and I was usually excluded. Mum would forcefully push me in there and I felt out of place. I had no one who was in my age group that I could hang around with. I wasnt allowed to be with my friends from school, still arent hehe. I am afraid that has affected my development. I am searching for this acceptance, not sure what kind, but I am. Maybe I am searching for that void that I crave that I cant seem to get from my family. I search elsewhere and I end up getting hurt every single time. My problem is I trust too easily and I give too much too soon and I end up paying for it. Sometimes I feel I am not cut out for this. I have a lot of love to give and I end up giving it to the people who dont deserve it. Either that or they know of the problems I have and that drives them away. I dont blame them really. I have so much baggage it weighs more than I do. I figure I am better off alone. That way I am saving myself heartache and not have any expectations from anyone and at the same time save others trouble. Baby steps Coco. That is what it will take for you to improve yourself. You must get through all of this BS with your family before you consider a relationship. Going by your posts on here, your family takes up a great deal of your thoughts, so just take it one day at a time. You are only 21. I think that is a little too soon to jump to conclusions like that.
Curmudgeon Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I figure I am better off alone. That way I am saving myself heartache and not have any expectations from anyone and at the same time save others trouble. Coco, if you have no expectations you can never be disappointed. That's the good news. However, it can also be very stiffling and can hold you back. We all have baggage that we've picked up throughout our lives. At 21, your's wouldn't be enought to even begin to fill the overhead compartment. You have you whole life ahead of you and in time, you'll shrug off the family issues, spread your wings and fly solo. You'll realize that their telling you that you can't is the best reason to do so. When the time's right, and you are too, you'll know it and just declare your independence. Meanwhile, don't sell yourself short or cheap. Don't settle for less than you deserve and do watch out for yourself.
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Thanks everyone. I have been feeling low lately and I do try and reassure myself that I am worth something but I am not good at convincing myself. I know I need to get past all the crap my family have put me through and I am working on it. I dont know which comments were the worst, the fact that I got told I have dirty blood in me, that I shouldve died the minute I was born or that I am not worthy to be in this family. Those comments are eating me up even today.
Curmudgeon Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 But, Coco. you know they're wrong and are far more about the people who said them than they are about you. If your avatar is you, you're a lovely young woman who comes across as very feeling and giving. you have a lot going for you and your family can only hold you back if you give them permission to. Quite frankly, I think you're too good for that familoy which appears to consist mainly of verbal and emotional abusers. You seem to be a cut above them!
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Quite frankly, I think you're too good for that familoy which appears to consist mainly of verbal and emotional abusers. You seem to be a cut above them! That is the most lovely thing I have heard from anyone in ages. Thank you. I get told from my friends that I dont owe my family anything and they cant keep me prisoner like this and I am trying to do something about it. It took me months before I finally accepted that this is abuse. I guess I was in denial.
pelagicsands Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I figure I am better off alone. Goodbye, and good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Set up a plan to break free coco. In the time it takes you to complete your schooling, work to break your families influence on you. Slowly, you will get your feet under you and when you've got your degree, get a job and break free. You know you can do it and it will give you something to focus on besides the negativity from your family environment.
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Goodbye, and good luck. Awww you keen to get rid of me PG?
Pyro Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Awww you keen to get rid of me PG? Hey thats PS. Don't confuse him with PornGuy.
pelagicsands Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Awww you keen to get rid of me PG? Cool - you're back. I guess the alone thing didn't work out. Anyway, I think it's better if you stay, and let us advise you on your spiritual and emotional development. We are here to help you get the most out of life. We just want you to be happy. And experience the enlightenment that is anal sex.
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Hey thats PS. Don't confuse him with PornGuy. Ooopsy lol. My true thoughts came out.
Storyrider Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Coco, as the old song goes, to everything there is a season. So, if you don't feel ready for a relationship now, that is fine. But it doesn't mean you will feel this way forever. Give yourself time.
Curmudgeon Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I guess I was in denial. Ah, yes! That great Egyptian river so many seem to identify with. I have the feeling that you're going to be just fine. Your family is mired in an old culture that has little or nothing to do with where you are now and how you're living. In democracies there aren't supposed to be castes. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be the first in your family to cast-off (no pun intended) the old and irrelevant and embrace the new and empowering. I'm rooting for you !
Storyrider Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Ooopsy lol. My true thoughts came out. That should give him pause.
Author coco_milkshake Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Cool - you're back. I guess the alone thing didn't work out. Anyway, I think it's better if you stay, and let us advise you on your spiritual and emotional development. We are here to help you get the most out of life. We just want you to be happy. And experience the enlightenment that is anal sex. Why is everything anal with you? Lol.
IpAncA Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I personally think you'll be better off once you move out of your parents house.
pelagicsands Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Coco, as the old song goes, to everything there is a season. So, if you don't feel ready for anal sex now, that is fine. But it doesn't mean you will feel this way forever. Give yourself time. I agree. Don't rush into any decisions. Just relax, and everything will be fine. Great post, Storyrider.
IpAncA Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Why is everything anal with you? Lol. Yeah and he says I'm obsessed with sex, LOL!!
Storyrider Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Why is everything anal with you? Lol. Don't ask him about it--he'll pull out the dissertation and start reading off footnotes.
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