Am I in the wrong?

[Javelin]

Alright, I just had an unpleasant good night chat with the girlfriend about tomorrow night and she's holding it against me. I just want to know if I'm in the wrong about this...

 

Basically she has plans to hang out with her friends after work, she wants to do dinner, then hang out and shop at the mall which closes at 10pm. They don't have a meeting time, nor is she trying to set one. However (note) that I do have a very long 8 1/2hr work day on Saturday. So here's where the fire begins to ignite. Basically after she's done with her friends, she wants to come over to my house at 10 after the mall closes. In her language this means anywhere from 10:15 - 10:45p and stay with me till I'm ready to sleep. Though, I'd rather spend more time with her and push our time to Saturday where as I don't have to work till Tuesday and make much better use our time.

 

This of course, is instead of her spending 2 hours or less at my house tomorrow (technically tonight, it's almost 3am). Allow me to add she leaves work at 6:15 and it takes her approximately 40 minutes to get home which would be about 6:50pm including traffic. If she hung out with her friends @ 7pm, that would give her nearly 2hrs (1hr eating + 1hr shopping) if she came over my house at 9!

 

Anyway,

 

After a long rant about how she feels unwanted, I asked if she'd come over a little earlier so I can better prepare for my long day of work Saturday. Completely disregarding that I have to work, she states, ' I've already made plans with my friends.' Then she says, you'll be home anyway. To which I responded, if someone calls me to go out, I won't be... She then said, if someone does call you, don't wait up for me....However, she's very stubborn and believes I'd be home playing some type of video game.

 

Ugh, that's basically the situation. What do you guys make of it?

 

I'm at a huge loss right now and to tell you the truth. I might not be home tomorrow at 10pm just for the spite of things, which would be wrong on my part, but it's almost as if she's trying to be very very selfish.

 

I mean, she already hung out with another set of her friends this evening and went to the mall (alone) to shop. She's doing the exact same thing tomorrow night with another group of friends. Wait, yesterday, she went with me to a mall to buy a new piece of music equipment and we ate out that night too..

 

Does she make any sense to any of you or is it just me?

 

Forgot about a few more things she said, because I don't want to see her tomorrow night after she's done with her friends (lol) she's distancing herself from me and doesn't feel as connected...

 

What to do?

[Fun2BMe]

I'm not clear if you are wanting her to not bother coming by at all once it's past ten and to instead spend Sat night together, or she is insisting on coming by Fri night even though you told her you'd rather spend Sat or Sun night since it will be very little time left before you go to sleep?

 

I think you are being controlling and selfish if you don't want her to come by after she goes to the mall. It's better than nothing. She had already made those plans. It might be a hint that if you want to spend time with her, you should make plans beforehand so she won't end up making them with her friends instead. You can't wait last minute and expect her to cancel her plans.

 

I don't know if you want to spend every minute with her and get upset if she goes out with friends instead, or if she is seeing her friends more than you.

[Walk]

I don't think you were wrong. (and I'm a woman) The basic jist I got from your post is that you said you wanted her to skip coming over Friday, and instead come over on Saturday. That makes complete sense to me. Especially when you have to work the next day, and she was the one who made plans to go out on Friday.

 

The only place I'm giving your gf the benefit of the doubt in is maybe how you presented the idea to her. If you flat out said 'hell no' that she can't come over friday, then after she got upset suggest saturday... I could see her getting upset over that.

 

Take an honest evaluation of how you said things, if you believe you phrased it without being harsh or mean about it, then maybe take a look at different ways you could communicate with her now. The goal should be to ultimately have the other person understand what you need or want, and can provide that. She might not understand at this point. If your regular M.O. is to stay up all night, and she figured you'd be up until 3-4 am on friday night... then she's going to have a hard time understanding why you wouldn't want to spend that time together. Maybe you assumed you'd be going to bed early, but she doesn't realize you planned on that.

 

I would suggest you talk to her (prior to this evening). I'd first attempt to explain that you would enjoy seeing her that evening, but you are concerned about the long day on saturday and wanted to get to bed early. That you felt if seeing you on Friday had been so important to her that it would cause a fight, that she would've made plans to spend the time with you earlier in the day... not as a last minute gesture. And since you understand that seeing her friends is important to her, then you attempted to offer a solution that wouldn't interfer with her spending time with friends. If she brings up how you suggested an early time, then point out that she refused the original suggestion, so you offered another.

 

If she still insists you're being a prick about it... then I'd take a stronger tone about it. Explain that it was her decision to make plans for the evening. That she is putting her wishes ahead of yours, even to the point of potentially comprimising your job if you perform poorly on saturday. That you attempted to find more then one comprimise in order to see her, and you don't feel she's taking your needs seriously.

 

I wouldn't tolerate this behavior, but that's just me. I get really irrate when people try to force their own agenda on me. And yes, I do think she's being a spoiled princess.

[DanielMadr]

what do think about her in general? Is it that she is stubborn? If so, then its red flag. You cant live/date or whatever with non-flexible person. Walk is right. Clear air of misunderstandings and if it doesnt help, its then power struggle and you should be more sound, putting your foot down. No shyt tests. If she cant change her ways, bin it. You are not her parent to nurture her.

[kepners]

my post is very simple.

 

go out - dont be predictable! she knows ur predicatable. ignore what she does and do ur own thing. Be a little more firm with her and let be a brat. It shouldnt concern you too much what her reaction is. if she dont want to do what you want fair enough. you do what you want. she will come around when she knows ur not a push over.

Basically ur her Biatch! to please as she feels. but her want to spend time with you is no bad thing either.... i mean why the **** not combine yours and her idea?

or have i missed something?

 

either way, you have to stronger / firmer - and let it be known that whatever she does dont bother you, cuz in essance shes testing you to be a man and put ur foot down. but dont do anything out of spite... because thats weakness!

K

[Javelin]

Thanks for the responses guys, I had a chance to read them this morning, but didn’t get a chance to reply as I had to run out the door because I was running late for work..

 

I do understand and did just what you guy's said! I'm nearly at the point where I'm just going to do my own thing. I've passed up far too many opportunities with my own friends to be with her. When I can only recall 1 or 2 outings she has canceled to be with me. My friend actually called me up and I went over to his house to do some car modifications that we were planning to do for awhile. On the way over there, I left her a message telling her where I was going & wasn't sure what time I'd be done.

 

When she was finished with her friends sometime after 10, sure enough she called me up to see where I was (yes, she got the message) and I told her, we were under my car trying to get a bolt off, but it wasn't budging.

 

She actually wanted to come to my friend's house, but I said that was probably a bad idea because we were trying to get both vehicles done as quickly as possible. So she then proceeds out with the same friend to a dance type bar! Which she stated yesterday, "I want Friday to be a low-key, night." We were supposed to go out dancing tomorrow (Saturday night), but now I'm not feeling very up to it, if you know what I mean.

 

what do think about her in general?

 

I think she's a bit spoiled, bias, and self-centered to tell you the truth. However, her good qualities do out weight the bad which is probably why I love her so much and willing to work through this!