MattNZ Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Hey guys, My thread (Taking a step back) talks about me and my ex taking a step back to see what she wants - as in does she want to stay in such a serious relationship at this age (24) when she has tentative plans to go travelling. We split yesterday officially to give us some time apart and clear our (her) head. I was going to go NC for a few days. She just called me at work because some friends we met at a wedding in Auckland are in town and wanting to meet up. I couldn't help but be short with her during the conversation and all the time I just felt resentment and anger building up even though I want her back so much! I don't want these feelings to push her away though. Is this a normal thing?
loveratud Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Absolutely resentment is normal. And with good reason: 1) You're sure that you want her, but she's not so sure that she wants you 2) She's willing to gamble everything that you two have together based on a feeling. I can't say whether it's right or wrong. I went through it, but moved past it when I realized that I cared about her enough to ignore those things. That kind of thinking may eventually turn me into a doormat though.
thatmatt Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Resentment is tricky. In my last relationship, circumstances built up to where I resented her, and was extremely angry at her. I had put aside feelings and questions about the relationship, and forgave her and let go of so many things, although she would rarely do the same for me. I realized that the relationship was tearing me down, and sending me into depression. It saved me from becoming even more of a doormat (I practically kissed the ground she walked on), and I was able to end it and begin saving myself. But I still wanted her back, still wanted to make it work. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's okay for you to resent her and feel angry towards her, and even though you love her, those feelings may just be protecting you from getting hurt, or more hurt.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hey guys, My thread (Taking a step back) talks about me and my ex taking a step back to see what she wants - as in does she want to stay in such a serious relationship at this age (24) when she has tentative plans to go travelling. We split yesterday officially to give us some time apart and clear our (her) head. I was going to go NC for a few days. She just called me at work because some friends we met at a wedding in Auckland are in town and wanting to meet up. I couldn't help but be short with her during the conversation and all the time I just felt resentment and anger building up even though I want her back so much! I don't want these feelings to push her away though. Is this a normal thing? It's very normal. Don't repress your feelings. Let them run their natural course. I went through the same although with my situation, it also included his cheating and the continuous lying and torture. You can imagine the magnitude of bitter anger, pain, hurt and resentment associated to this kind of abuse. I thought we had it all. Obviously not, if he was willing to throw it out for momentary selfish gratifications. The strange thing is that even though I was still working on healing, I tried to help him with his issues and was partially successful. Did he appreciate it? Nope. But then, narcissists rarely see past their own noses.
Tormented Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Is this a normal thing? I think that ANYONE who hurts us plants at least some resentment in our heart, and the degree of resentment depends upon who that person is, what role they play in our lives, and how strong our emotions/attachment is to that person. And, of course, the severity of the action/words that caused the resentment/hurt/anger plays a big role. It's normal, really...just human nature and we all do it. But it's HOW we deal with it that makes all the difference - for both you and the person you harbor resentment against. Personally, I think a straight-forward approach is the best way to go. Gives you the opportunity to be heard and understood, and gives the person you feel resentment towards the opportunity to clarify any misinterpretations you may be having. Like I said...just depends upon the circumstances that brought on the resentment. ~T~
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