SoManyQuestions Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Me and my boyfriend have been together about 5 years. Our sex life is fine, not great but good. (we also don't live together yet so). I know he looks at porn on the computer, and it's not that often. I don't really care but today he opened his laptop and there was a picture of a nude girl. Nothing was said or done, I really don't know what to say. So I guess we both pretended it didn't happen. Problem is, though i don't mind, it still makes me mad, and upset, and hurt, and i can't control that. There are a lot of things i would do, but am shy and though i've said 'if there is anything you want just ask', he hasnt. We don't really talk about it. If i want something done i kinda just place him. but i fell like there are things he wants from me but he won't ask, so he'll look elsewhereand i am too shy to initiate things. I've told him he could take pictures a long time ago and no response. I don't know what to do or how to bring it up because, and i don't know why, i'm embarrsed to say i like that or would look at porn. I think i would do more stuff if he just pressed the issue. But he acts like there is nothing he wants but he looks at porn?
SydneyHeart Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Sounds like you are saying he isn't giving you enough credit? Do you feel he is looking at porn because he is looking elsewhere for things he assumes would not interest you? Somehow you need to open up the communication lines, as it seems you both are interested in more than he realises. You say you are shy, and there is nothing wrong with that, but part of the porn fantasy, I'm guessing, is that the women are soooooo NOT shy and begging for it and the man doesn't have to work for it at all, you know? That wild abandon. I think if you can get to a place where you both trust each other enough, you may well feel comfortable enough to get over your shyness and show some wild and crazy abandon. If you have been together 5 years and still feel 'shy' there are definately some communication issues and I am going to stick my neck out and say trust issues perhaps? Sounds like he is acting a bit 'coy' about the whole thing also, so noone is coming out and going for it. Someone's gotta bite the bullet and go for it, if there are things you both know you both want to explore!
Mr. Lucky Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Problem is, though i don't mind, it still makes me mad, and upset, and hurt, and i can't control that. Do you see the contradiction in just that one sentence? Guys aren't that smart about this kind of stuff to begin with - add in the mixed message you are sending him and it's even more confusing. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel - the sin is not confidently and clearly laying it out for him. In short, if it bothers you, tell him!!! Mr. Lucky
Enema Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 There's nothing wrong with him looking at porn. Him looking at porn has nothing to do with you or your sex life, so stop thinking that he's doing it because he's not satisifed by you. I'll say it again because this is important: Porn has nothing to do with you or your sex life. Don't damage the relationship because of your own insecurities.
Guest Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 "There's nothing wrong with him looking at porn. Him looking at porn has nothing to do with you or your sex life, so stop thinking that he's doing it because he's not satisifed by you. I'll say it again because this is important: Porn has nothing to do with you or your sex life. Don't damage the relationship because of your own insecurities." HOW DO YOU KNOW IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR SEX LIFE???? AND HOW CAN YOU SAY IT IS ABOUT INSECURITIES? WHAT MAKES YOU SO CAPABLE TO GENERALIZE THESE STATEMENTS? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT PORN IS TO HIM, OR ANYONE AND WHAT IT CAN DO TO A RELATIONSHIP? IT CAN BE DESTRUCTIVE, IT CAN BE HURTFUL IT MAY WORK FOR SOME COUPLES, BUT IT CAN BE THE SHARP KNIFE'S EDGE IN MANY A RELATIONSHIP.
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