remind Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I am trying to understand the concept of hooking up and how common it is in college today. I realize there is lots of drinking and sexual activity in college, but I guess I didn’t realize to what extent. I was never one to hook up. I preferred relationships and have only been with a few women. I never lived at college, but my girlfriend did for 4 yrs. She has had "sex" with 3 guys before me. But her definition of sex is different than mine. She only considers vaginal intercourse sex. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I would consider oral sex and anal sex to be sex, and any hand usage/penetration to qualify as sexual activity, too (though more of a grey area, I guess). She considers that stuff "hooking up" or "fooling around". She said she hooked up about 12-15 times in college, sometimes with friends of hers, sometimes with people she met a few hours before. So I was a definitely a little surprised by what she told me. So I guess I have a couple of questions: Is sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse considered sex? Do college women feel a lot of pressure from guys, their friends, and their social groups to just hook up (as opposed to dating)? How common is this behavior among college women today? Is 12-15 "hook-ups" (ie. oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, fingering) over a 4 yr period a high/low/normal amount for college women? (Should I be concerned that my girlfriend can’t even recall the exact amount?) Am I being naive to think that most women (in college or otherwise) don't have this many experiences by their mid-twenties? I don’t mean to be sexist and focus only on women’s behavior, because I am sure men do it just as often. I guess I am just trying to understand my girlfriend’s concept of hooking up and whether her behavior is typical of most college women.
VirtualInsanity Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Hookups are very common. My friend brought home 1-2 guys a week.
PortuguesePunk Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Most of the female friends I know and have talked to seem to do "hook ups"
Chamari Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 The type of college can have a lot to do with the numbers as well. I attend a religious college so for the most part "hooking up" doesn't involve a lot of sexual activity, mostly kissing, spooning, etc.
ShoeGirl Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Is sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse considered sex? I think that anal and oral are sex, but if you were to ask how many people I have had sex with I would only count vaginal sex... I'm not sure how to explain why I think that way. Do college women feel a lot of pressure from guys, their friends, and their social groups to just hook up (as opposed to dating)? I am in college and I do think that there is pressure from guys and friends to just hook up, but it is not that hard to stand your ground and want to be in some type of dating relationship before any thing other than kissing happens. It depends on the girl if she will give in to the pressure. How common is this behavior among college women today? hooking up, using any definition, is a very common. I have friends who bring home guys most weekends. Is 12-15 "hook-ups" (ie. oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, fingering) over a 4 yr period a high/low/normal amount for college women? (Should I be concerned that my girlfriend can’t even recall the exact amount?) I think 12-15 over 4 years is pretty normal, I guess that would also depend on what she considers hooking up and how long she was in relationships during those 4 years. Am I being naive to think that most women (in college or otherwise) don't have this many experiences by their mid-twenties? many college girls hookup with random guys most weekends, and are in very few relationships. The type of college can have a lot to do with the numbers as well. I attend a religious college so for the most part "hooking up" doesn't involve a lot of sexual activity, mostly kissing, spooning, etc. I agree with this for the most part, however I also go to a religious school and I know more people who are sexually active than people who aren't. It has more to do with the person than the school.
StayClose Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Is sexual activity other than vaginal intercourse considered sex? "Sex" is a vague term. Defines broadly, I'd include any direct (not though clothes) touching of genitals for sexual stimulation. Do college women feel a lot of pressure from guys, their friends, and their social groups to just hook up (as opposed to dating)? Of course! But this has always been true. How common is this behavior among college women today? Common, but not universal. During the past few years there have been a lot of media stories saying "Kids don't date anymore - they just hook up." But just reading this message board proves that wrong. There's lots of threads from under 25 people - even under 20 - about dating and relationships as opposed to just hooking up. Is 12-15 "hook-ups" (ie. oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, fingering) over a 4 yr period a high/low/normal amount for college women? (Should I be concerned that my girlfriend can’t even recall the exact amount?) How do you define "normal?" This figure would be higher than some, not as high as others. It is definately not unusual. Am I being naive to think that most women (in college or otherwise) don't have this many experiences by their mid-twenties? I think that in surveys of sexual activity, men tend to over report the amount of sex they have, while women tend to under report it. (if men are having more sex than women, then who are they having it with?). For that reason, it's really hard to say what the median number of sexual partners is by the mid 20s. I'm guessing it's less than 15, but that doesn't mean that 15 ir "wrong." I don’t mean to be sexist and focus only on women’s behavior, because I am sure men do it just as often. Duh! I guess I am just trying to understand my girlfriend’s concept of hooking up and whether her behavior is typical of most college women. Yes, it is typical.
pelagicsands Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Man, it's brutal. There's always someone trying to get in your pants. You have to have your wits about you, constantly. Just one smile cast innocently, and you get jumped. And possibly pumped. The propositions get more and more ridiculous. "I bet your penis is chilly. I know someplace that can warm it up. Can I show you?" I can't wait to graduate, and put this nightmare behind me.
LoveLace Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Ah college. The good old days. But I think a majority of people in their 20s and single "hook-up" quite often. It's just what happens at that age. And when I was in college, I can't say I felt any kind extra "pressure" from other college guys to do anything..it was always equally desired or whatever...and I think intercourse is the exact definition of sex, but other things are just other forms of sex, like oral, etc, but not straight up sex. Everyone's perception varies. To me it just sounds like your GF had a lot of fun in college. It doesn't mean she's slutty or anything.
chaos40 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Purchasing a "girls gone wild" video should clear up all doubt on that subject
vinodhv Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 completely normal. I've gone through a month where i engaged in sexual activity with 6 different girls. its pretty normal in college.
Storyrider Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 The novel I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe is from the point of view of a college girl and all about her sad misadventures with hook ups, etc. It is scary and depressing in its hyper-realism. And he did hours and hours of research and interviews with students on college campuses when he wrote it.
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