unconventional gurl Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Hi everyone I know this has been discussed on these boards a couple time, but I hope you can still spare some insights for me. Here's the deal: My BF and I been together over 7 yrs and consider ourselves life partners. I insisted that we become "officially" engaged before we move in together, which we are doing next month. The proposal itself was really sloppy and unromantic on his part (that's another story) but I really liked the sapphire engagement ring he got me even tho the setting was only 10K gold :-\ it's a pretty design. However, it was too big. And this is where the story kinda falls apart. I wore it with another ring for a couple weeks, showing it off to friends and even had a photog friend take a picture for family that dont live here. Even tho it didnt fit well, I got quite attached to it. Turns out he bought the ring from Wal-Mart and instead of having it properly resized, he just exchanged it for the same style but a different stones. These stones look darker, and from what I've read online, means they are even less valuable, certainly less beautiful. Also the shape is a little different and I see flaws in the detail on the band that werent on "my" ring. I know it's not an expensive ring, I did not want him break the bank for lots of reasons, and am very pleased with sapphire vs diamond etc... what saddens me is the feeling like he didnt do his research when chosing my ring -- he chose it all alone, with no consultation. But he didnt try for the best colors of sapphire and saw no problem with switching it for a whole new ring... he told me the replacement is "fine." The band on this new one is actually a little too tight (still fits but leaves a mark and doesnt feel good going on and off), so I have a chance to upgrade or swap agan, if I want to. (I just got this "resized" one yesterday and we got into a huge fight when I was disappointed with the differences, but then we made up). I *could* just keep this slightly too tight version and deal with it, or I could work with him to get something better. He even admitted that he was thinking about getting me something else (after the first one was too big) something "more expensive" but I had already showed off the ring and felt getting a whole new one was odd, so I said I need the same ring. Now I'm not so sure. Now I think I'd rather have a lil quality than a crap-tastic Wal Mart ring I know there is no clear answer (or question, heh) but I just had to share this with an anonymous group (could never tell my girlfriends esp about where he got it!!) and I would welcome thoughts from this community about whether I should push for an upgrade or be happy with what I got. I feel sad, and mad at myself for feeling sad and also ungrateful. I can learn to love this ring, but IDK... what would you do? thx for any and all responses - mina
adnCat Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I read your other post, and you stated that you have ethical issues for walmart (something about hating walmart and everything it stands for). Being a conscious consumer is a respectable thing. I think you should forget about what K the gold is (10, 14, 18), and how dark the sapphires are. (btw, too light is less valuable and too dark is less valuable. Most natural ones seem darker than the ceylon created ones. Created ones obviously, are less valuable.) But if you seriously have moral issues with walmart, it is okay to ask him to take it back. Even though people have seen it, you can explain that you found out it may have come from a source with which you have ethical issues (how they treat employees, their effect on the economy and livelihood of small businesses, etc) I have some really nice quality rings from mid-level jewelry stores. They are mostly 10K gold, but I bought them for the way they look or like them for the person they came from. They are not investments and it does not matter that they were inexpensive because I'm going to wear them, not sell them. So don't worry about the cost, just worry about the style and the quality. It doesn't have to be expensive. My engagement ring is 18K white gold, very heavy, high quality setting, with lots of diamonds and a good sized center diamond of extremely high quality. I love it. I also tried to get my bf to buy a cz instead and put it in a high quality setting. I guarantee I would have loved the ring with the CZ the same as I love my diamond ring, even though one was thousands and the other would not have been. And if it was a platinum designer setting with a honkin' D, IF diamond, and was 10s of thousands of dollars, I would love it, but insist that it be returned! And don't forget quarter sizes, and the fact that your fingers can get smaller or bigger in cold or hot weather. It will never fit perfectly all of the time, but it will most of the time. I like to be able to easily slip my rings on, but need a few more seconds to work it off.
Advocate's_Devil Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 QVC Diamonique! They look so real. Your friends will think he spent $10,000.
norajane Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 If it's leaving a mark on your finger, it's too tight. It's cutting off circulation to your finger. It will only get worse as you age and gain weight, and at your time of the month when your body retains water. Just get another one, and go with him when he gets it so you can pick it out.
pricillia Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 blood diamond...that movie scared the crap out of me... I will think twice before I get a diamond ring. I would creativly think of an alternative. I can not relate to this...
Touche Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Btw, Sapphires are diamonds... Are you sure about that? A diamond is carbon but sapphires are corundums, an oxide aluminum. And I believe they're different on the hardness scale.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Are you sure about that? A diamond is carbon but sapphires are corundums, an oxide aluminum. And I believe they're different on the hardness scale. I stand corrected. It's sapphires and rubies that are the same.
Touche Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I stand corrected. It's sapphires and rubies that are the same. Yes, sapphires and rubies are the same. And I agree with the person who said take a look at Diamonique. No one can tell that it's not the real deal. They're beautiful and almost as hard as a diamond.
jerbear Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 To the OP, If the ring is not to your liking, then it should be returned (if possible) If possible, go with him and work with him on getting something both can agree to. You understand his situations so talk to him and show him what you would like. Not getting something you like can cause resentments in the future. Diamonds are about a 10 and sapphires a 9 on the hardness scale. Personally I would give a black diamond. A lump of coal or graphite on the other hand; I would take that as a joke. Not many women know about the other colors of diamonds.
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 what the heck is wrong with Wal*Mart?...I love it there:) Engagement rings...woooo I can't imagine the day when I will get to go out and pick out a ring for my best friend/boo. This will probably be a very emotional day for me lol.. I do feel sorry for you though because you hoped he would go out of his way and take forever to find you the bestest ring he could for you. Well maybe this is the best he could do?...Maybe he liked the looks of it and thought you would like it...I know what you're feeling though. Please,no more Wal*Mart jokes!....that really hurts my feelings;)
Enema Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Good to see your priorities are in the right place. It's all about the loot when you get married. Loot first, his finances and your relationship second.
Guest Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I'm recently engaged and although our ring was bought in a hurry I do genuinely love it. I have looked in many jewellers windows thinking something bigger or of a more original design would be better but at the end if hte day its the ring we picked together. i do think its insensitive of the of him to pick a new ring not the new one you both picked as a sign of your love. at the end of the day marriage is the imprortant thing or so I tell myself- but if he realises what it means to you he would offer a chANGE. He would do what it takes to make you happy..but it would obv take input fron you both
Teddy and Jane Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I don't think you read the entire post, Enema. The price of the ring isn't really what's bothering her, it's the replacement ring isn't as pretty, doesn't fit as well, and he didn't seem to take care in picking the replacement ring. An engagement ring is something to take care in choosing, as to the woman's taste, expensive or not, and you definitely want it to fit well.
justagirlforever Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 blood diamond...that movie scared the crap out of me... I will think twice before I get a diamond ring. I would creativly think of an alternative. I can not relate to this... You're telling me! I know this is a little OT, but as I was sitting there watching with my diamond earings, I felt like a completely lowlife. unconventional gurl, I can't really give an answer, but if it were me, I'd be gutted and feel like it wasn't give enough thought. But to each their own - and perhaps he really did give it some thought (in his way) and gave it with love and commitment.
adnCat Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 OT- Diamonique's are over priced CZs. Check out their chemical composition to verify this. CZ is an ugly term and jewelers often don't like to use it. It's probably the best simulant (closest to diamonds in optical properties) on the market when done correctly. Anyway, this girl likes her sapphire! She wants a sapphire, it's just other issues that are bothering her.
unconventional gurl Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 thanks for the responses! Being a conscious consumer is a respectable thing. I think you should forget about what K the gold is (10, 14, 18), and how dark the sapphires are. (btw, too light is less valuable and too dark is less valuable. Most natural ones seem darker than the ceylon created ones. Created ones obviously, are less valuable.) thanks for the assurance on the quality adnCat, even if it's not "all that" I think I over-reacted a bit since both rings are technically the same quality; I just got attached to the first one...and yes, I <3 the sapphire! Dont really want a diamond at this point, tho ur ring certainly sounds lovely! My moral objections to WalMart are not strong enough for me to return it, I mainly think him buying it there is another sign of him not being very thoughtful about his purchase... he knows how I feel about WalMart for the most part... I also think going w/WalMart led to poor service from the clerks (who are obviously not jewelers) so buyer beware on that! If it's leaving a mark on your finger, it's too tight. It's cutting off circulation to your finger. It will only get worse as you age and gain weight, and at your time of the month when your body retains water. Just get another one, and go with him when he gets it so you can pick it out. It IS too tight, just a little I might just live with it tho, since he's already talking about upgrading the ring for my birthday (September). I wish this ring were 'the one' I would wear forever, but, seems like more of a placeholder for the real-real engagement ring. Not too romantic I guess, but, that's kind of our style anyway. I'll give it a week and see if it fits when I'm bloated if not, we'll exchange it....... To the OP, If the ring is not to your liking, then it should be returned (if possible) If possible, go with him and work with him on getting something both can agree to. You understand his situations so talk to him and show him what you would like. Not getting something you like can cause resentments in the future. this is what we will do "next time"! I think my sweetie just didnt know much about gems and jewelery and while he could of taken more time to find out(!!!), he can also learn from his mistakes. Also I'll be sure to be more active in guiding him towards something I love.... that's good advice... thank you everyone for your responses, they made me feel better and are greatly appreciated!! mina
allina Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I think this is why at least a little talk needs to happen about the engagement ring before one is purchased. Your bf may not be able to tell that this ring is lower quality and beauty. Also, why did he buy the ring at walmart? Doesn't he know how you feel about that place? Could you tell him that you miss the first ring a great deal? That way it doesn't look like you're complaining, just like you loved his first choice so much you want it back. You can then get that ring resized as needed. Just make sure he doesn't feel like you're upset that is isn't a diamond. I think he should have done the research and gone somewhere better than walmart but criticizing the entire thing might be too much. Plus as I understand it you were happy with the first ring right?
LaughMachine Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I thought maybe this was coming off a bit materlistic but than I thought well hey rings are important, they symbolize alot. I too would be upset if my husband went to walmart for my ring? I didn't even know they had engadgement rings. It just takes all the romantic fun out of it... But no nothing is wrong with walmart, I love it there as well and target. Kmart eh hehe
allina Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I thought maybe this was coming off a bit materlistic but than I thought well hey rings are important, they symbolize alot. I too would be upset if my husband went to walmart for my ring? I didn't even know they had engadgement rings. It just takes all the romantic fun out of it... But no nothing is wrong with walmart, I love it there as well and target. Kmart eh hehe I love Target! Don't have Walmart here, but you're right that does kill the romantic fun. Also why would a guy want to buy a ring there is another story. I'm sorry to say but an engagement ring does reflect a bit about the man, and many men actually want the best they can get for their woman, something he can take pride in as well.
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Stop with the WAL*MART stuff.... Try hitting up Bennifer for her 3 million dollar engagement ring.. I think Ben bought that at "Deep*Pockets"
allina Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Stop with the WAL*MART stuff.... Try hitting up Bennifer for her 3 million dollar engagement ring.. I think Ben bought that at "Deep*Pockets" ???
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 ??? You're from San fransisco and never heard of Bennifer and the ring?
allina Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 You're from San fransisco and never heard of Bennifer and the ring? I know what Bennifer was and that J Lo got a huge ring, what does that have to do with me being from San Francisco? I was more confused about what you meant to stop it with the Walmart stuff and what that had to do w/ J LO's 6 carat ring as the OP was not complaining about rock size.
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I know what Bennifer was and that J Lo got a huge ring, what does that have to do with me being from San Francisco? I was more confused about what you meant to stop it with the Walmart stuff and what that had to do w/ J LO's 6 carat ring as the OP was not complaining about rock size. I was just being funny about everyone giving the vibe that WALMART is cheap ,duh.. I assume all Californians get word of Hollywood gossip before anyone...Sounded like you didn't know anything about Bennifer. K-Mart sucks:bunny:
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