norajane Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Don't laugh when I say this...i ordered his bday present a while back (couple of months in fact) and his bday is this weekend. i want to end things today but I still have the present that is like PERSONALIZED for him...so i was gonna give that to him..say good bye and walk out. You're going to give a present to a man who lied and cheated on you for an entire 6 months, and is now stringing you along? Thank you for cheating on me and lying to me and being a big bastard! Do it again please and I'll give you an even bigger present! Throw it in the trash if you must, but DO NOT give him a gift!
Island Girl Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Don't laugh when I say this...i ordered his bday present a while back (couple of months in fact) and his bday is this weekend. i want to end things today but I still have the present that is like PERSONALIZED for him...so i was gonna give that to him..say good bye and walk out. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE PRESENT. BURN IT IN EFFIGY
AriaIncognito Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 He is not deserving of a gift. I dont care if it has his full name, birthdate, and penis size written on it. he's not deserving.
sweetest_taboo Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 please don't give the gift.. if ur thinking about the cost, try and see if you could get a refund or exchange. if u can't, give to somebody else or charity. By giving him the gift, he would be interpreting it in a different way, that your back in to his life.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Okay. You guys are right. I told my brother about the present. He's drooling over the thought. Thanks guys. You guys are right. Please don't think I am dumb. Yes my actions are indeed questionable but everyday I'm trying to get better. Thanks so much for your support.
AriaIncognito Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Nobody has said anything about being dumb...unfortunately matters of the heart are often complicated by the mind (and vice versa). It's terribly hard to let go of someone you love, I'd say most of us here can speak to that fact first hand. Nobody thinks you are dumb. You are just following your heart, which unfortunately gets us into trouble sometimes.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Thanks ariawoman. Love is so damn powerful. I think what hurts is when I do hang out with him...I feel everything I felt when we were together. And what hurts is that when we do hang out. He holds on to me or leans on me. What makes me happy is that yea, he cheated on me (we were on a break but to me it's still cheating) but she didn't even know he was coming back to me saying all the stuff he was saying. He is a liar, manipulator, and extremely selfish. It's just sad to see someone we trusted so much and loved with all our heart turn into someone we can not stand or respect. Seriously. All your comments are giving me strength to see the TRUTh.
norajane Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 He is a liar, manipulator, and extremely selfish. It's just sad to see someone we trusted so much and loved with all our heart turn into someone we can not stand or respect. That really is sad - when you realize they don't know the meaning of integrity or honor, and yet everything you felt and did was genuine. It's a huge disappointment when they turn out to be someone you never would have given your heart to if you had known who they really were.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Sometimes i wonder what if they WERE geniune and true...then something happened and they just turned into someone completely different. Ya know? I mean, he lied to me..and when he is with ME he tells HER he is with someone else....
norajane Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Sometimes i wonder what if they WERE geniune and true...then something happened and they just turned into someone completely different. Ya know? I mean, he lied to me..and when he is with ME he tells HER he is with someone else.... Like what? What could turn you from being a genuine person into someone who lies and cheats? I don't think anything happens except they get the urge and the opportunity at the same time - then their true colors came out.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 I think we always wanna hold on to cheaters and we are in denial that they could do that to us because we want to believe that we did not fall in love with something false. That because OUR love is true, that they were. and that we didn't fall in love w/ the image they portrayed. I'm trying to be strong everyday. It just sucks because he finally confessed that although he wanted to be w/ me forever, when i set a time limit (i said i wanted to be married in 2 years, we were together for 3) he got scared and that's when he said good bye.
norajane Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'm trying to be strong everyday. It just sucks because he finally confessed that although he wanted to be w/ me forever, when i set a time limit (i said i wanted to be married in 2 years, we were together for 3) he got scared and that's when he said good bye. No - don't let him do that to you. Guys who truly want to be with you forever, want to be with you forever. They don't get scared and cheat.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Your right. My heart is broken. I'm tired all the time from not being able to sleep. when we are together I am fine. But when he goes home or when he goes out, I'm paranoid that he found someone else...i'm paranoid that he's lying to me. The end is near. Give me a few days. Let me take a couple of breathes in. How didyou guys finally do it? seriously? I feel like I am about to jump off a bridge with no cord!
norajane Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Your right. My heart is broken. I'm tired all the time from not being able to sleep. when we are together I am fine. But when he goes home or when he goes out, I'm paranoid that he found someone else...i'm paranoid that he's lying to me. The end is near. Give me a few days. Let me take a couple of breathes in. How didyou guys finally do it? seriously? I feel like I am about to jump off a bridge with no cord! Eventually, you get to the point where you realize it will feel really, really good to stop beating your head against the wall. Meaning, you realize you'll feel a lot less anxious and paranoid when you no longer have him in your life to be anxious and paranoid about.
loveinlife Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Hi Ican! I went through the same thing you did. My exgf told me about marriage, kids, and living together. Now nothing like that is happening. She is with another person just like yours. Since my ex is gone, I feel better. She was like poison to me, lied to me by asking me to wait for her, now she is with another person. Since there is no lover out there, I started to love myself and become my own lover. It feels great! Try it and let me know how you feel?
loveinlife Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Hey Ican, Looks like I missed part of of your post about commitment. Maybe some people aren't ready to settle down. I remember my ex telling me a few weeks ago that she isn't worried about marriage bc marriage will come. She might mean that she doesn't want me or simply means she rather have fun right now when she can't later. Im not sure. My ex has been contacting me every single day but i haven't been picking up. I deserve better, been treating her like diamond for too long while getting myself hurt. Im slowly learning to depend on myself for happiness. No one can give it me. Have a wonderful day Ican! =D Hope you are doing better, i know its tough.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Your right. My heart is broken. I'm tired all the time from not being able to sleep. when we are together I am fine. But when he goes home or when he goes out, I'm paranoid that he found someone else...i'm paranoid that he's lying to me. Right now you are finding it easier to turn a blind eye to what he has done - when he is with you it is easy for your mind to "buy in" to how it was in the past. It is when he is away from you that your mind truly focuses on the lies and inconsistencies. Everything is reexamined again and again. This will stop when you begin to let him go. You are still clinging to the "dream future" -- that it wasn't all a lie. The most difficult part can be to let go of the future that was supposed to be (at least on your side). What you aren't doing is separating the two. HE is not the intrinsic part of your future. YOU are. Getting rid of him does not mean your happy future will not happen. Your happy future CAN'T happen as long as he remains a part of your life. In order to get over this, and move forward, he MUST be part of the past. He is the one who sunk to the level of pond scum. He is the one who should be penalized not you. He is still getting the best parts of you that he depended on...namely your compassion and close friendship. You would be surprised how liberating it really is to embrace a life that is not encumbered by a known liar and cheater. This person does not deserve ANY part of you -- certainly not your caring and friendship. He is NOT a friend. He has not been a friend to you. You are not proving to him how stupid he was for doing what he did. You are sacrificing your self esteem and self respect by becoming his whipping post. He knows how badly he behaved and he knows you are still taking it. Please just don't do it anymore. Cut this out of your life. You begin the healing when he is not around and then you allow him to come back. That takes you back to step one again.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Please read my update. I wanted to end things with him but i wanted to be the one w/ the power. The one who decided to end things. Now i feel weak and that we only ended things because he didn't text back. I dont know what to do. Please read my other post. If he doesn't text back. then i can breathe. But if he does (which i hope he does) i won't text back. I'm nto going to answer his calls. I'm sick of having no sleep. I'm sick of CRYING at work and having everyone ask me waht is going on. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I just wish i was the strong one who left first.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Please read my update. I wanted to end things with him but i wanted to be the one w/ the power. The one who decided to end things. Now i feel weak and that we only ended things because he didn't text back. I dont know what to do. He will come calling again. At some point he will need a shoulder to lean on and think he can come waltzing back in. Whether or not HE knows it right now - you do have the power. Think how much further you will be down the road of healing and he has no idea. You will have the last laugh I guarantee it. ----- As long as you are steadfast in your NC. If he doesn't text back. then i can breathe. But if he does (which i hope he does) i won't text back. I'm nto going to answer his calls. I'm sick of having no sleep. I'm sick of CRYING at work and having everyone ask me waht is going on. Don't text back - don't answer his calls - don't answer e-mails. Breathe ANYWAY whether he answers or not. He will eventually need to lean on someone -- and that someone has always been YOU. We are all creatures of habit. Expect that he will and steel yourself against it. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I just wish i was the strong one who left first. He'll be blind-sided when he thinks you are still so stuck and he is the one needing AND YOU AREN'T THERE. I like it better this way. He'll have the rug ripped out from under him for a change. A taste of his own medicine.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Now i feel weak and that we only ended things because he didn't text back. I dont know what to do. Please read my other post. If he doesn't text back. then i can breathe. But if he does (which i hope he does) i won't text back. I'm nto going to answer his calls. I looked for this post but can't find it I'm sorry. The only thing I could find was the last time there was contact was when you got back from your weekend. ?
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 yea that was our contact. I meant that post for people who haven't read this post. But now i feel weak island girl. he ultimately ended our convo cause he didn't text back!! AHHH i wanted to be the one who initated NC!!!
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Btw. I think this is it. My ex is a really jerk. Very prideful. If he thinks he didn't do anything wrong he'll never apologize. if i tell him to leave me alone. Sternly. He will. I think this is it guys. It hurts soo much but i know by next week and next month..i'll be able to breathe again. I'll be able to smile again.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 yea that was our contact. I meant that post for people who haven't read this post. But now i feel weak island girl. he ultimately ended our convo cause he didn't text back!! AHHH i wanted to be the one who initated NC!!! You are the one who initiated it. He just doesn't know it yet. He assumes you will be there when he decides to reach out with some lame excuse like "it was just too hard on me to see you so hurt" or some other crap like that. In his mind you are pining for him right now (arrogant bastard). You aren't. You are taking the much needed space to get stronger about your wants and needs and how he hasn't met them -- how wrong you were about his character and how is NOT worthy of any of you (not words, empathy, ANYTHING). Write here. Use you "calling circle" if necessary. But be prepared for the contact because it will come. You have taught him he can come back and still rely on you to be there.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 island girl! my update post is the one about myspace. yes i'm a 24 yo woman with myspace!!! hahahah!
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