loquaciousl Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Okay, some of you might have kept up with the newest and truest in regards to a guy I've been dating for a month or so. But for those of you new to this, a quick recap: I met J over a month ago. We hit it off from the beginning. He's 34, I'm 28. We have seen each other four times and talked on the phone numerous times. From the beginning, we both agreed taking it slow was the best thing. Additionally, he is starting his own business and had told me it would take a lot of his time. I am supportive of that. Anyway, we have the best time when we're together. We haven't slept together yet. Anyway, about two weeks ago we were talking about relationships. I asked him how his last one ended and he said that he had "messed up" and cheated on his girlfriend. He explained the whole story to me. He explained that he was still dealing with what he had done and wasn't ready for a relationship although he could see being with me and that he adores me and thinks I am wonderful. While I am not thrilled with this info, I was happy he was honest with me. Anyhow, I am not a subscriber, yet a member, to a particular dating site. I get home from work the other day and there's a mail to me, from him. He has posted a personals ad on this site. His "icebreaker" to me was, "You look familiar, have we met?" so I icebroke him back. Anyhow, he calls me later that night and we chatted for a few. He sounded rushed. I had had a few to drink and when I do I get a bit emotional. He said, in like one breath, "I miss you and your smiling face and hope I can see you soon," but the WAY he said it sounded almost contrite and sort of devoid of the same tone that I usually hear. He also apologized for some advice he had given me earlier in the night and said, "I care about you and you're my friend, I don't want to see you get hurt," (in regards to a different situation entirely). I don't know why but I felt annoyed by the friend term and the lack of emotion in his voice. We got off the phone in a rush and I think I was bitchy. So I called him back to apologize and he answered the phone, and said, "Yeah, M!" (my name) in an annoyed voice. I apologized for the bitchiness and he apologized for being rushed. He then said he'd call me tomorrow....and now, no word. In any event, the quandry I have is this. We have talked about how we're both free agents and can see other people. My heart, however, already likes him although we're not exclusive. My head, however, is thinking that he has a lot of baggage and wants to play the field until he gets over his hurt. I can tell he's not emotionally there; and so for that reason, I think I should see other people. It's difficult though because we have a lot in common and he's a good guy. I just want a simple and honest answer and wonder what I should do next. Should I ditch him and date others? Should I tell him how I feel? He knows I like him. But I'm not sure where his head space is entirely...Advice, please!
melodymatters Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 No need to do anything dramatic. It's a very new relationship, he's being honest about not being ready for anything serious. If you have not had the exclusivity talk, than you can and SHOULD also date other people, but there is NO need to discuss this with him. If you have a date, and he asks you out, simply and cheerily say " oh, I have other plans, how about fri ?" dating others will make you feel better about not " waiting on him". You not being overly availible might also make him start chasing you more
Author loquaciousl Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Thank you. Dating is so tricky sometimes. I just want to be level headed here.
justagirlforever Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Given that scenario and information, personally I'd move along swiftly. I don't have time anymore (and in fact refuse to) be emotionally used. He clearly doesn't really know what he wants and is playing the field - though credit to him that he was honest. Nothing wrong with what he's doing, but are you happy to go along for the ride? Knowing what I know now from my own experience - I'd move on.
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