loveinlife Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I just spoke with my ex and im so sad. Me and her have been talking for awhile, almost everyday. I thought she still had feelings for me. But tonight i just had to ask her, is she seeing someone. She said she is. I had always thought that she would be the one, the person i would marry... Sorry to bring this all up. I just need someone to talk to. i have no idea it would turn out this way. Its sad how life turns out sometimes. I gave her everything and cared about her. She knows it too. Right now i just feel like crying and let all the pain that has built over the years let me relive my life again. There are so many girls who liked me over the past year, but i have broken their hearts because i still loved my exgf. How to start new again, this is the question i need to face so I can change for the better. I need to re-evaluate some of my goals, i thought i have changed a lot, part of it was for me and part of it was so my ex know that i was good for her. what mental thought huh. *sigh* I thought i can get what i wanted and now it just blows down right in front of me. Im not sure if this was a good experience... Thanks for listening.
silentcharon Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Aww, I'm so sorry Now you know why so many of us practice NC. Take it as a lesson learned. Never change for anyone, it never works out in the long run. Only change for yourself, you will be MUCH happier in the long run! Keep posting here to vent, we're here for you!
Author loveinlife Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Thanks silentcharon, I needed that support. It is true what you said about NC. I had to learn it the hard way. I had hope for a second chance and now i know, =( . i appreciate your sympathy. I need to somehow pull this through and keep myself strong... thanks
Sassy Gal Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 i had an ex of mine live with me for 2 yrs. i was his first g/f so he had no ref for how to treat someone other than his siblings. the relationship was pretty dead after he proposed, i had to buy the ring (which was fake) and he made me take it off when we went to his parents house EVERY TIME. i eventually broke it off and am much happier for it.....even with the issues my hubby & i have had i would rather have that than to have been with him. my ex is doing fine even tho he thought it was the end of the world........my hubby was once an ex-b/f and tho he and i remained friends, we had to sever contact for a while to be able to do that......in the long run, we ended up married.....i guess what i'm saying is, just cuz she's dating someone doesn't mean it's done for u2.....it just might be on hold a few years for you to both grow, date, find yourselves and come back to the relationship....and if not, that means you weren't meant to be together
Author loveinlife Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Thanks Sassy Gal, life is so impredictable as you have mentioned. I wish there is a clear cut answer sometimes.
Sassy Gal Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 i've learned that there are no quick answers in life. i hate not getting clear cuts also, but sometimes you will find the answers on your own when you have clarity of vision......something hard to find when the hurt is there
Icantletgo Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 i know how you feel. I am friends with my ex right now (he cheated on me but I can't let go. I know...dumb move on my part)...but I can't let go. I can't let go of the hope that my initial dreams of him and I in the future will come true. But the sad reality is that he cheated. He would want to be with me if really loved me. he's OBSESSED with this new girl he is dating. She is the COMPLETE opposite of me. My point is this: Don't be dumb like I am. Please move on. NC will be the best thing. It KILLS me when I hear him talking to her or when she texts him. It kills me the way he treats her...cause that is how he use to treat me. You need to move on. If it is meant to be, it'll be. Good luck.
Icantletgo Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Cry. I cried. Sometimes it's good to cry. But think of the horrible things she did. When did ya'll break up? when did yall start being friends again? who broke up with who and why? how old are yall and when did you start dating?
Author loveinlife Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 We started dating when we were 23 years old. We went to school together and lived together for 2 years. During those times our relationship was serious, we were going to get married after a year being together. However, bc we were both not done w school, i told her until we finish school and have a career then we can think about marriage. The relationship went downhill and we started arguing a lot over little things that she didn't like, this was after a year. I also spent a lot of time helping out my family and working. She felt that she wasn't my priority and she called it off and broke up with me. At 25, I was still working for a bank and she stayed in school to pursue nursing. I saw her a few times at clubs with her friends by accidentally bumping into her. We talked on the phone not too much bc she was already dating someone. Somehow at the end of october last year, i think her relationship didn't work out with that guy. She started calling me and came over to my house a few times to stay over, we had sex a few times. During this time, she told me she had made a mistake for ending our relationship and told me to give her sometime to wait for her, so i did. We have been talking and seeing each other since the end of last october. 5 months later, the present, she still needed more time, while i was getting frustrated with her action because i found out that a lot of girls like me and became unsure why is it taking my ex so long. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, she slept at my house. We didn't do anything, however, she asked me how many girls have i dated, i told her the truth, which is 5, and she asked if i brought any girls home, i said yes, 1, however this is prior to her coming back. She got upset and we just spent that night just sleeping together in bed, not doing anything. Last night, i called her to see how her studying was going for her midterm. I had to ask her that question, is she seeing anyone so that i know. She said yes, she's been seeing this guy just recently. We ended our conversation and she messaged on my cell phone: I was greedy and selfish and jealous and i did not want you to treat another girl the way you treat me i am sorry to put you through this I wish you the best because you deserve the best. I have always played the supporting role and gave her what she wanted, emotional and materialistic, not that she asked it but i wanted to make her happy. Sorry for such a long story. Thanks a lot if you have read the whole thing. Now, i guess im not getting anything back, I have waited for her since we broke up, all of my relationships didn't work out because i still had feelings for my ex... it just seems everything is going down the drain again.
Icantletgo Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 wow. you were kind and generous enough to give her another chance and she did it to you again. she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. that's the truth. you love her, no doubt. but she's so selfish and immature she should have told you she was dating someone else. to have you waiting 5 months????? that is way too long..... it's hard though. I know, i still love my ex, even though he is sleeping w/ someone else right now. it's hard and it's tough...but what's meant to be will be. if someone walks out of your life, let them...they were never meant to be in it if they could go so easily.
Author loveinlife Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Aww poor thing! I feel exactly the way you are, Icantletgo, the ex being with someone else. Its true what you said, if something that walks out so easily it isn't meant to be there. Thanks for reading the whole story and understanding it, your awesome!
Icantletgo Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 It's okay. We faithful loving honest ones should stick together. Gives us hope that there are others out there like us. And hey, what goes around comes around. My ex's girl (the one he left me for) went back to her ex and now she's cheating on her ex with another guy... and guess who is there waiting for her phone call and waiting for her to come back to him..my ex. So although I am being tortured...imagine him. What an idiot!! Good luck w/ sleep tonight!
Author loveinlife Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 icantletgo, that is very complicated, i could not have imagined something like that to happen to our ex's. Your ex's scenario seems pretty painful just like what we are going through. i am mad at my ex, for double playing me, do i still love her, not sure anymore, i think i can only take so much pain. This is the second time, i don't think there will ever be a third one bc that is her strike out. Tonight, i thought about my situation. I have come to a conclusion that this is all perception. I can take this and blame it on myself for not providing her needs, the reason why she left again for another guy. The other perception i can take is im free, watch out for myself next time, and other things such as why be with someone who doesn't treat me the same, and etc... There are many positive things i can see from this event. This could be helpful for people who are going through what i am. The main point is to focus on positive thoughts. I hope i am not just feeling good and in denial and the next day i fall apart again. Just trying to share some thoughts to the people who are reading this thread. Thanks for all the responses. =)
Icantletgo Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 yea. I think whenever there is a breakup and cheating is involved or when the other person "needs time to think"...i think deep down...we know it'll never work out. But we can't let go cause we dont want to seem like failures. Man. There are days when i lay in my bed and just cry and cry and just feel HORRIBLE. But there are days when I'm driving and the sun is out and my favorite song is playing and i am just damn EXCITED that the one i'm suppose to be w/ forever is out there..waiting for me to heal and waiting for me to find them. Hope you are doing better.
Author loveinlife Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I understand what you are going through. After my last post i was gettin adjusted to my situation. I felt like moving on. That was the greatest feeling, not to feel selfless to treat another and make them happy but making me happy and treating myself as my own lover(read this from another post). It kinda helped for me. My ex for her stupid reason because i was doing the whole nc thing decided to call me on Monday, I didn't pick up. Then yesterday she called again and i still didn't pick up. Later on the night, I thought i should be nicer and just to give her a call back. When i called she had nothing to say and said she will call me back again because she was watching her favorite tv show. This phone call lasted 15 seconds. I hung up and felt like i wasn't worth her time. So i said ok, call me back. When she did i didn't pick up the phone again. Since talking to her is getting me no where, I really hope she doesn't play her games and stop bothering me. I miss her, but i can't stand the treatments i get. The negative feelings i get out weighs the positive, i need to move on. Good luck to you guys.
rgwoods Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I'm sorry for your pain...I know how it feels too. I would say...just focus on yourself...find a hobby that makes you happy. Time will heal:)
Teacher's Pet Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 i feel like crying :lmao: Do, it. It's a healthy release. Just remember..... you asked her if she was with someone, and she said yes. I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but hearing it is the beginning of the "closure" for you. At least now you know where she stands, it's time for YOU to focus on YOU. I went through a horrible breakup 10 months ago (tomorrow!), and I thought my life was over. It's not. But you have to FIGHT for your happiness. It's not easy, some days may seem worse than others, but it DOES get easier. These last 10 months have been a real "adventure" for me..... You just have to embrace life..... without her. You can do it. We're all here to help. -tp President, LoveShack He-Man Woman-Haters Club.
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