longlegzs80 Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I have heard once you find happiness within, then you will find happiness with others. Or something on those lines. I have been unhappy for along time, both in relationships and alone. What do you guys do to find happiness from within? What triggers it? What do you do in your everyday life that brings happiness to you? HELP IS NEEDED.
bluetuesday Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 happiness for me is about knowing who i am. it's about accepting and loving myself, about finding out what i'm passionate about, what my purpose in life is, and doing it. it's about refusing to compromise who i am, about living life fully and without regret. it's about forgiving myself, and others, and moving on. it's about doing no harm to other people, about cherishing them, about honouring myself, about standing up for what i believe in, about helping others when i can, about seeing joy in little things, about refusing to be negative, about looking on the bright side. it's a tough question, because happiness is intangible and can seem elusive. but all these things give me an inner sense of wholeness and acceptance of myself which makes me happy. i can honestly say i'm the happiest person i know.
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Bluetuesday, that is awesome to hear. I can definitly learn afew things from you with all the good info you posted. Thank you.
johan Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Have you ever tried to find happiness within... a bottle? I think the best thing you can do is figure out what bugs you so much about yourself. Chances are you're being too hard on yourself about something, but you won't know until you pretend you're listening to a friend tell you these things about his/herself. Whatever advice or support you'd give the friend is the same you should do for yourself. Self-hypnosis will help you believe better things about yourself. And that will put you in a better state of mind in your relationships. And in general.
boshemia Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I wish I could tell you in ten easy steps how to do it, but I don't think it's that simple. For me I had to do a lot of work, and I can't really say when it started for sure but something about my Father's funeral stands out. I guess I decided to stop waiting to be happy, and just go out and make it happen. For me it was always I'll be happy "when"... but "when" came and went and I still wasn't happy. I went through a major phase of "maybe I'll never really be happy", and "maybe this is all there is to life" and I just didn't like that answer. Then I had to accept that some things I just have no control over, and figure out what those things were. At the same time I figured out that there were some things I felt I had no control of that I really hadn't tried to control. I felt like I had no control over my husbands drinking, and so yeah... I had to let that go. I did have control over mine and my childrens exposure to hit. I told him point blank, one more drink and were through. I moved out, and a year later... he is still sober. I just sort of shut my life down for awhile, and started figuring out what was really important to me, and began to focus more on that. Overall now, I'm happy... I feel more in control of my life, and less wrapped up in other people's problems. I'm still not satisfied with my relationship, but I'm working on it. Either we will get it figured out, or we'll let go and move on. It's not a decision I have to make right this very second. It's a long process that can only begin inside yourself I guess... it's taken me a long time to get to know myself, and even longer to loving myself. It's changing long standing thought patterns about how you see just about everything. I still have set backs, I still feel like a terrible person when someone doesn't like me, or a terrible parent when I make a mistake... I'm still learning, but it's getting better all of the time : )
knaveman Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 If you do too much to make yourself happy then you forget everyone else.
boshemia Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 If you do too much to make yourself happy then you forget everyone else. If you do too much to make everyone else happy then you forget yourself.
Curmudgeon Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 If you're happy with yourself, people around you will react to that happiness in kind. For me, finding happiness within was a process of forgiving myself for past mistakes and blunders that I'm powerless to go back and change. They happened. I do my best not to repeat them, I've allowed myself to move beyond them and found that I can truly enjoy my own company.
norajane Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 What do you mean by happy? Happy is different for each person, and has many meanings to people - joy, contentment, satisfaction, excitement, peace, all wrapped into one little word. That's why you need to figure out for yourself what happy is, and what it will take for you to feel happy. Another thing to consider is that happy is not a constant state. You can't work to achieve happy and then have it, like earning a college degree or buying a house where once you attain it, you have it. Happy fluctuates, just like sad, angry, etc. For me, for example, I'm happy when one of my plants blooms. I'm also happy when I'm with my friends and family. But that doesn't mean I'm not also unhappy about certain things. So maybe define what your goals are in life, what your passions are, what makes you feel the way you want to feel, and try to add more of those things to your life.
justagirlforever Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 happiness for me is about knowing who i am. it's about accepting and loving myself, about finding out what i'm passionate about, what my purpose in life is, and doing it. it's about refusing to compromise who i am, about living life fully and without regret. it's about forgiving myself, and others, and moving on. it's about doing no harm to other people, about cherishing them, about honouring myself, about standing up for what i believe in, about helping others when i can, about seeing joy in little things, about refusing to be negative, about looking on the bright side. it's a tough question, because happiness is intangible and can seem elusive. but all these things give me an inner sense of wholeness and acceptance of myself which makes me happy. i can honestly say i'm the happiest person i know. Can I just echo Bluetuesday? It was really incredibly difficult for me to achieve. It took years of real inner digging & delving deep. Reading books and therapy. But I'm there and I know it that's not to mean life is always perfect. But knowing myself, accepting and loving myself fully has really changed my life. The path is unique for everyone.
LaughMachine Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I'm on the path of self-discovery. Right now I'm reading a book called " your guardian angel" I also bought some tarot cards. Not a fool to them, just use them as a form of guidance. I think everything I do, and everything I think and say now and days is a way of trying to gain inner peace. I'm trying, very hard. Maybe not hard enough though. oh well
justagirlforever Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I also bought some tarot cards. Not a fool to them, just use them as a form of guidance. I'm trying, very hard. Maybe not hard enough though. oh well Don't be alarmed, but some people might think you're a fool for using tarot cards as a form of guidance. I think it's perfectly fine to take whichever path you choose to help you get to where you want to be. It's all about trying and seeing what works. For a long time I was looking - not knowing what I was looking for. In the end I realised it was simply myself. But during the process I looked for the answer in religion (amongst other things). Reading a ton of books ranging from Unicorns & Fairies, Wicca, Buddhism, you name it - and all the other more obvious ones. Trying to find something to identify with. They were all interesting reads but in the end I realised none of that gave me the answer(s) I was looking for. I don't want to turn this into a religious slant, but I've seen so many people (friends & a relative) reach out and completely throw themselves into a religion in the absence of sense & purpose in life. Trying to find happiness in a belief. At the end of the day: each to their own and whatever it takes to make someone truly happy Just keep trying - one day things will fall in place.
Ariadne Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 What do you do in your everyday life that brings happiness to you? I spoil myself. I eat good food, I rest, I enjoy sceneries, trees, flowers, birds singing, I enjoy my son's company, I hug my friends, I write to my mom, I take walks, I dance to step aerobics, I enjoy a long shower, the jacuzzy, I have sex, I watch my favorite programs on tv, I watch good movies, I smell the flowers, I lay on the sun. Ariadne
LaughMachine Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Don't be alarmed, but some people might think you're a fool for using tarot cards as a form of guidance. I think it's perfectly fine to take whichever path you choose to help you get to where you want to be. It's all about trying and seeing what works. For a long time I was looking - not knowing what I was looking for. In the end I realised it was simply myself. But during the process I looked for the answer in religion (amongst other things). Reading a ton of books ranging from Unicorns & Fairies, Wicca, Buddhism, you name it - and all the other more obvious ones. Trying to find something to identify with. They were all interesting reads but in the end I realised none of that gave me the answer(s) I was looking for. I don't want to turn this into a religious slant, but I've seen so many people (friends & a relative) reach out and completely throw themselves into a religion in the absence of sense & purpose in life. Trying to find happiness in a belief. At the end of the day: each to their own and whatever it takes to make someone truly happy Just keep trying - one day things will fall in place. Good point. It sure does feel good though when I pull out a card that tells me what I want to hear . Kind of sucks though when I'm asking different questions and keep getting that same old card. People tend to stick with false comfort. If I were to create my own religion. It would be the common sense religion. Cause and effect. Do good to live a good life, and know that any bad times are possible. ah I sense a lb coming through or a Lh any minute. lol jk
norajane Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Good point. It sure does feel good though when I pull out a card that tells me what I want to hear . Kind of sucks though when I'm asking different questions and keep getting that same old card. Here's the thing with tarot cards. You can use them the way you're using them - to give you an "answer" based on the card. Or you can use them in a much more productive way - as a tool for introspection. The point of the cards is that each one has a multidude of symbols on them that represent something. Use those symbols as a way to THINK about your issue, to look at it from different perspectives with different consequences and different paths to an outcome. For example, if you are asking about a particular guy, look at the cards very closely and consider that guy from a lot of different angles. Did you get a card that speaks of new beginnings...is that guy really a new beginning, or is he the same kind of guy you've been dating all along? Maybe the new beginning card really means you should bypass the guy in favor of someone who truly is different and truly would represent a new beginning. Or maybe the card is suggesting you try something different - a new job, a new school, a new hobby, a new walk to work, and will ultimately lead you to the love you seek.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Without adversity, you lose the contrast of what real happiness is. The more you enjoy the happy moments and use them as examples, the less you will obsess about the unhappy moments. I think you're looking for contentment with yourself. Some form of equinamity so you're feeling more balance, less internal strife. Simply "I like myself". To be content with yourself, you have to accept yourself to a reasonable degree. If there's something in you that bothers you a lot, be prepared to take action and change it. This is difficult for me right now because it feels like I haven't been happy for a long time. It's my struggle to battle the demons that plague me, where I know I can't recreate what I had because it's not something I have control over. I've always been a proactive person, a person who was never afraid to take on any personal challenge and somehow manage to wrestle out a win, whether it was solely experience or something more. Now I have to accept that there's nothing I can do. It's silly in some ways but it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm right on the cusp of it though because I'm fed up with sitting in nowhere-land. This is why I chose IC with the idea that someone can help to guide me beyond it. This also bothers me a bit because I'm so used to being self-sufficient. Can you taste the irony?
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