Davis Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I met this girl online a month ago and we have been having sex since our first date. I'm 40 & she's 38. After a week, she tells me that she has gotten "re-involved" with someone; a guy that she has been dating on and off for a year (yeah right) and they're going to give it one more try (uh huh). She keeps calling, we go out a couple of times a week and have great sex. He doesn't seem to be around much. She has said she wants to be involved with both of us, which is fine because I'm still chasing and having sex with other women. She is HOT in bed and a lot of fun. I want to keep the fun and sex going. There's no possibility of me wanting a relationship with her for many reasons. She keeps asking who I'm sleeping with and so on, so she's a little jealous and possesive. Ok, no comments telling me that I'm dumb, I should dump her, she's using me, about morals, how you wouldn't take "seconds", etc. This is sorta new territory for me and I really need to know how would a player keep this situation going? Continue to show that I don't care? Let her keep coming to me? Treat her as if she's married?
Topper Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Enjoy it while you can. As long as your honest about what your doing. Your both adults. That doesn't mean I don't feel bad for the other guy. I'm sure he is cluless about whats going on.
VirtualInsanity Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 If your both allowed to sleep around it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe she's curious.
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Enjoy it while you can. As long as your honest about what your doing. Your both adults. That doesn't mean I don't feel bad for the other guy. I'm sure he is cluless about whats going on. Why do you sympathize with him? He's probably not committing to her and sleeping around, which is why she's heading for Davis a couple times a week. I hope you're wearing condoms.
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Topper: No, he doesn't know. Virtual: I think she wants me to only sleep with her and she can continue to sleep with him. Yeah, right!! Vera: apparently he's told her he wants "no boundaries" so he doesn't sound very committed. Maybe she's the one that wants him. Guess I'll just keep riding it out as long as I can and try to play it cool. She's like a monkey swinging between us two guys.
IpAncA Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 She's like a monkey swinging between us two guys. Guess so. She can't have it her way only. If she sleeps with others then you can too. That does sound controlling only wanting it one way.
amaysngrace Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 You say she's not around a lot. Be a player. Don't be around a lot for her either. Meet when you say you will, make plans a couple of days in advance, and call an hour or two to make sure you're still on. Other than that, don't call her.
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 There is also the possibility that this other guy who has "opened boundaries" is bi or ....gay. He is admitting he is opening boundaries. So I could see how this would be tough for her and you get the benefit of this woman running to you. Dealing with a gay man pretending to be hetero for you is a very difficult situation.
IpAncA Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 What makes you think he's gay? LOL! Maybe he doesn't know or is sleeping with someone else too.
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Ip: right! I'm not about to stop dating and stop having sex with other women if she's "involved". Yeah, I would like to have her sleep with me only and I can have sex with other women. Yes, it does sound controlling. Like I said, she's a little possesive and always asks where I 've been and who I've been sleeping with. She thinks I'm the town stud. But, that's part of the game, so I'm not going to say anything otherwise to her at this point. And, no, I'm sure he doesn't know that she's sleeping with me. Vera: No, I said he told her that he wants "no boundaries" on their relationship, not "open boundaries". He's not gay. He obviously wants to sleep with her and others and won't give her a full commitment, that's all. Grace: I actually said that HE is not around much, so she's available on the weekends most of the time to go on the boat and so on. Good advice. Its seems that she and I are a little more involved than occasional contact. We usually talk or text everyday. It's like we're in a relationship, but she's involved with someone else. That's where I'm slipping. I'm sorta treating her like a gf or a relationship and getting emotionally involved when its not that type situation. I better back off like you advise, she can't have me to have sex with AND have a quasi relationship with if she's involved with someone else. She can have her sex "cake" with me, but not the other benefits! By the way, I think I want the deal that she has going!! Maybe I should get a girlfriend and just keep her around for all the fringe benefits. Oh yeah, I'm working on that.
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Ip: By the way, I think I want the deal that she has going!! Maybe I should get a girlfriend and just keep her around for all the fringe benefits. Oh yeah, I'm working on that. What you're doing is a great way to get an STD by the way. Sounds like you're all the type that think you're invincible or you all sleep with "good" people, the the type who don't have STDs. Keep playing Russian Roulette. Remember, all her partners are yours, too. What you have described is called a prositute. It's not a new concept. The whole purpose of your post was pretty much to brag rather than ask for any advice anyway. Or you're really fooling yourself and would like a lot more from this woman and it's killing your ego that she is just using you until she can get her bf to commit.
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 What you're doing is a great way to get an STD by the way. The whole purpose of your post was pretty much to brag rather than ask for any advice anyway. Or you're really fooling yourself and would like a lot more from this woman and it's killing your ego that she is just using you until she can get her bf to commit. Good point and possible, but I am using condoms. I don't think I'm describing a prostitute, more like a ho if you really want a definition. The purpose of my post was not to brag. What is there to brag about? That I'm having sex with someone that has a "boyfriend"? I would like more from a woman, but this one has shown that she's not loyal or honest. Maybe I wish it were different or that she was a different person, but it's not killing my ego. My post was about getting some advice on how to not get emotionally involved with her and keep it going while it lasts. We're both consenting adults and this isn't going anywhere, so I might as well try to figure out how to keep the fun going. I'm well aware that she is likely just using me until her bf commits .... or keeping me on line so if he doesn't commit or they don't work out, then she has me. I knew all of this after the first week, so it's not new. "Amysngrace" was the only one so far to offer some advice and direction on this one. Now, can we get back on track in this discussion? Your personal feelings and disagreement about my situation aside, think for a while, do you have any good advice you can offer to keep it going?
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 In that type of situation you just have to take what you can get, there are no techniques or whatever to keep a ho coming back. Just accept when it's over it's over.
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 There is also the possibility that this other guy who has "opened boundaries" is bi or ....gay. He is admitting he is opening boundaries. So I could see how this would be tough for her and you get the benefit of this woman running to you. Dealing with a gay man pretending to be hetero for you is a very difficult situation. Thread NUMBER 3 where you've accused someone of being GAY tonight. My my, you must have gadar eh? ho Let's not use that word...........
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 OK, I don't like the word "ho" either but Johan started it by referring to this woman a 'ho.' Anyway don't you think having a bf and going to the original poster, sleeping with both of them, is pretty ho-ish? In this case it's a pretty accurate description. So I was going along what he started.
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 OK, I don't like the word "ho" either but Johan started it by referring to this woman a 'ho.' Anyway don't you think having a bf and going to the original poster, sleeping with both of them, is pretty ho-ish? In this case it's a pretty accurate description. So I was going along what he started. What's wrong with the word ho? according to the urban dictionary... ho is defined as... A whore. A woman who uses her body, or gives the impression that her mark can be intimate with her, for material gain or to boost her own ego. A woman who cheats and runs around on her man. A girl that goes off messin around with a **** load of guyz at the same time. A skanky wench willing to "get down."; slut. Beautiful Ladies of easy virtue. A term used for a woman of less than perfect moral fiber... alot less.
a4a Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 OP what are you afraid of her falling in love with you? Or you falling for her? If you reach that point you just quit calling and move on. As for her being a "HO" I guess that makes me a HO too. Double standard crap has gotta go. So what if she chooses to have sex with two people. Maybe she is just really horny? :lmao: She told you up front that she is seeing another guy..... seems like she is doing exactly what she wants and has been honest with you about it. So Enjoy the fun.
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 OP what are you afraid of her falling in love with you? Or you falling for her? If you reach that point you just quit calling and move on. As for her being a "HO" I guess that makes me a HO too. Double standard crap has gotta go. So what if she chooses to have sex with two people. Maybe she is just really horny? :lmao: She told you up front that she is seeing another guy..... seems like she is doing exactly what she wants and has been honest with you about it. So Enjoy the fun. Yeah, you are right.... If folks wanted to label her-- then they should feel free to label him as well. So I am confused, Davis-- you want advice as how to screw her and remain emotionally unattached? I can't give you that sort of advice-- seems entirely too cold. You should see the movie or read the book 'Shopgirl'. That was the gist of the movie-- older man dates a younger girl and tries to keep things completely just about sex and companionship-- no love. In the end she left him when she realized they had no future. The final scene of the movie found him staring at her retreating back lamenting the fact that though he went into the relationship attempting to be a 'player' or just distant he still became entangled in the girl and attached. Of course this isn't your situation... but the point I am trying to make is-- unless you are a truly cold bastard you are going to become attached to this woman. And regardless of whatever label you want to give her-- is she a woman you want to be entangled with? If you are already questioning and wondering about being emotionally attached to her-- you are definitely on the path. I guess if you wanted to keep things only about 'the sex' you could 1. never speak to her about her life... 2. forget her last name 3. only discuss sexual positions, sexual conquests, & sexual adventures 4. keep her out of your life completely-- maybe stop taking her on your boat... you could even partition off your sexual activities to only occur in a seedy hotel on the rough edge of town. 5. ply her with alcohol... and yourself... 6. send her emails and texts-- variations of... I miss you baby... I miss f****** you and so on... and so forth....
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Thanks Vera. I suppose the strategy, if there is one, is to do what amazyngrace said to do: stay distant, let her call, enjoy it while it lasts and when she quits calling or I've had enough let it go.
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Kribby: you're killin me with your definition of "ho"! LOL! She is acting like a ho .... so am I so there's no double standard. a4a: yeah, i am kinda falling for her and she seems to be falling for me (or maybe i'm fooling myself) so that's part of the problem. So, yes, I'm trying to figure out how to keep myself from getting emotionally involved and keep the fun and sex going while I can. I agree, we're both hoes. how ever you want to look at it, she knows i'm seeing others and i know she's seeing others and we chose to be hoes. Morality and all that aside, that's the choice we're making. Kribby: I'll have to check out that movie. no, I'm not a cold bastard.... the situation is just what it is; she's "involved" with someone else and she keeps hooking up with me, so why not. I guess we're kinda using each other ... again, morality aside, it is what it is. And now you're killin me with your "advice"!
a4a Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 worst case scenario she leaves you high and dry and goes back with the bf...... so what. You'll get over it. What are you hearing wedding bells or what? Ready to settle down and have that family? Now if she was all that serious about you don't you think the bf would be long gone? Why don't you start dating other people as well?
Author Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 worst case scenario she leaves you high and dry and goes back with the bf...... so what. You'll get over it. What are you hearing wedding bells or what? Ready to settle down and have that family? Now if she was all that serious about you don't you think the bf would be long gone? Why don't you start dating other people as well? Yep, that's the worst case scenario and that's what I figured .... so what. Fun while it lasted. Nope, not hearing wedding bells and too old to start a family! I do kinda like the girl, but it's not going to work because she's unloyal, lives an hour and a half away and is established there, she's a player, and she has three boys including a 3 year old (not that it is bad, but that's a lot to take on). Yes, I totally agree, if she was that serious or interested in me then he would be long gone. So, obviously she has more feelings for him than me. Puts me in second position for sure. I have been dating and sleeping with others and there's no way I'm going to stop doing that given the situation. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing until I find someone I want to be serious with, she dumps me or I dump her.
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