fluffy0 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 omigosh, I feel so guilty and torn, I don't know what to do. I'll start in teh beginning. I moved from the east coast down south to go to college four years ago. Well, everything is basically fine, and my boyfriend also moved here to be with me. My parents ahve always been very unhappy that I made the dicision to move and have always tried to get me to come back. Well, a few days ago, we had a family emergency, somebody is really ill, and my parents wnat me to come back to visit. Well after talking to my mom, I found out what she really meant was that she wants me to come back for like a month to "help out." I want to visit and everything, but only for a weekend. It's not that I don't want to stay, but I've got my own responisbilities now too. I told my mom that I need to keep my current job, and that I can't just up and leave my boyfriend for an indefinite amount of time. I know that might sound overdramatic to some (the boyfriend part) but we are very close and it would be really hard to do long distance when we now live together. Also, I have to help with rent. It would be like a wife telling her husband, Oh I'm just gonna leave for a while. I know it would be really hard for both of us and I would be really depressed. Well, my mom got all mad and told me I am so selfish and that my first priority should be family not my love interests. Well, my boyfriend isn't just some love interest, we are very close, even though we might not have that marriage certificate yet. He moved here for me and while I know biological family is important, I can't just be like "oh, I'm leaving I'll be back in a few months, not sure when." Now, part of me doesn't want to visit, because I know most of my time will be spent listening to my mom guilt trip me and try her absolute hardest to get me to move back. But I can't do that now even if I want to because of various reasons I won't go into here. I feel so guilty that I am not there, yet really mad also. I know that there is nothing I can really do to "help out" and what the heck am i going to do for months. i don't have a job there, my friends are mostly not living there anymore, and after everything blows over, i'm just gonna sit inside the house. I feel so confused. Am I selfish or are my parents just guilt tripping me? Should I just go? Please give me some kind of advice, anyone.
EricOnTheWeb Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I would go for a visit for a few days,but not leave my job,school,and House mate. Well I suppose it depends on how much help they need like is the ill person bedridden and your parents are to old to handle it physicly,stuff like that. Sounds like they miss you alot,but calling you selfish,I dunno,but I can feel what you're saying...It would suck to just end up sitting there for nothing. Seems they would be happy for you to move and achieve the life you wanted,seems they have alot of negatives about your moving away. Wish I could help more... (Eric)
Zona76 Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Go for the visit. Let Mom know you love her, but you have another family now and can't move back. She can ask for your assistance but moving will not be an option. You're a responsible adult now. This is YOUR life.
Fun2BMe Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Go for a the weekend but not for a month! That's terrible that a family member is ill, but that doesn't mean you should lose your job and uproot yourself just to give into your mother's guilt trip and attempt to ruin your life. Don't feel guilty about the fact that you need to take care of yourself. It doesn't sound like she's willing to reimburse you for the month or offer help and support afterwards once you need to pick up where you left off. She's using the sick relative as an excuse to pull your strings, make you feel guilty and cave in to her manipulation to split you and your boyfriend up. She wants you to lose your job and your boyfriend so you'll stay with her in her house. It's not realistic and in the end you're going to lose your job, be behind rent and it might rightfully end up causing problems between your boyfriend for him to see you ruin your life out of guilt without regard for either your own good or his. Your mother sounds very selfish and controlling and she's the one who should feel guilty about asking her daughter to ruin her life, not you.
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