Jinxx Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 So now I'm up to $7,325.00 in attorney fees and nothing has been resolved. Hell my first divorce was piece of cake compared to this and we had child custody issues and didn't cost nearly what I'm at now. I'm getting ready to send off the latest check. I consulted another lawyer yesterday who went to law school with STBEX'S lawyer so they know each other extremely well. I am so confused and I just do know which way to go. Initially, my lawyer told me it should not cost more than $5,000 to do it all. We have no children between us -- just property and quite a few recreational vehicles, etc. Those of you in the middle of a divorce, how much did it cost? How long did it take? Did you get what you want? Did you switch lawyers because you weren't getting anywhere? I thought about attaching a note to my check telling my lawyer I can't do this anymore. Can't afford it and to just lay low for awhile and see what the ex does. If I knew what I know now, I wouldn't have left and stayed. Even though I was so friggin miserable I would have stuck it out.
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Those of you in the middle of a divorce, how much did it cost? How long did it take? Did you get what you want? Did you switch lawyers because you weren't getting anywhere? When I went for my divorce my ex did not want it.. She changed lawyers 5 times in 7 months.. I kept one lawyer ( that way I didn't have to pay to retrain.. yes retrain a new one ) in the 7 months it took from filing I spent just over 5k per month or 36k total in my lawyers fees.. 5 year marriage.. no kids.. no property mixed.. I didn't argue about anything but we fought over money that I had loaned her company ( about 120k total.. but she did pay some back in the settlement ) that she didn't want to repay. If you trust your lawyer then stick with them.. sometimes the issues can be harder to knock out than just a 30 day deal... Ask your lawyer for an eta on the case and see what he/she has to say
Author Jinxx Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 If you trust your lawyer then stick with them.. sometimes the issues can be harder to knock out than just a 30 day deal... Ask your lawyer for an eta on the case and see what he/she has to say Thank you AC! Yes, I do trust my lawyer -- he was referred to me by a good friend. Sometimes I just feel like I'm being ignored but I guess it is a slow moving process in my case and I have to be patient. I did include a note asking what you suggested. Told him I can't afford to drag this out much longer and how much more to finish it up. The last thing I want to do is pay another retainer fee. The sad thing is that we initially filed legal separation paid for by me. His part in changing and amending it so now both of us have legal fees up the ass that should never have been. Oh well!
dgiirl Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Ouch, and I was upset at my 4k fees. Remember, your lawyer WORKS for you. You get to decide what action this divorce will take. Why is it costing so much if there's not much division of assets? Is your ex stalling/dragging it out for no reason? What about stopping ALL progress on the divorce for another month? Tell them ALL to GTH, the ex, lawyer, everyone, and wait to see if they straighten their acts? Is it possible for you to talk directly to your ex and get some initial agreements done verbally between the two of you? You might have to sacrifice some things, but as it is right now, your divorce is adding up pretty quickly and those things might not be worth it after the fight. My lawyer had advised me that I had about 5K in negotiations with my ex. ie, if the ex started quibilling over 5k or less, to give it to him, because it would cost me that much to fight it, with no gaurantee of gaining it back. You need to know what you are fighting over and how much it is worth it and draw back once you reach over that limit.
Author Jinxx Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Ouch, and I was upset at my 4k fees. Remember, your lawyer WORKS for you. You get to decide what action this divorce will take. Why is it costing so much if there's not much division of assets? Is your ex stalling/dragging it out for no reason? What about stopping ALL progress on the divorce for another month? Tell them ALL to GTH, the ex, lawyer, everyone, and wait to see if they straighten their acts? Is it possible for you to talk directly to your ex and get some initial agreements done verbally between the two of you? You might have to sacrifice some things, but as it is right now, your divorce is adding up pretty quickly and those things might not be worth it after the fight. My lawyer had advised me that I had about 5K in negotiations with my ex. ie, if the ex started quibilling over 5k or less, to give it to him, because it would cost me that much to fight it, with no gaurantee of gaining it back. You need to know what you are fighting over and how much it is worth it and draw back once you reach over that limit. I'm pretty close to telling them all where to go stuff it. I think my ex is the one stalling. Why -- because he is living in our home enjoying our pool and rent from a tenant. He was told he doesn't have to leave unless we decide to sell the house. He will lose in the end because all that rent he is collecting is half mine. So that was one nice thing my lawyer told me in my favor. My goal was (and still is) to move back in after his son leaves in June for college. He can move out for a year. I would like my daughter to finish her senior year in our family home then put the house on the market after she graduates. He was all for this at first but then did a 360. His son (my stepson) contributed to alot of our problems that the ex was in denial about. Long story short, we had to put a lock on our bedroom door to keep his son from stealing my personal items. Many, many issues with that one. Anyhow, I have decided to just sit awhile and see what happens. As it stands now, the ex isn't allowed to use our boat and motorhome, etc. because of this. I'm sure that is killing him inside just as much as me especially with summer coming up and that was a huge part of our lives. I've tried to have a civil conversation with him but now he has a girlfriend. Fine with me on that as I really don't give a rats ass but the last time he had a girlfriend when we first separated is when he stopped communicating with me. So hopefully this one won't stick around for long and he'll want to try and reach a settlement with me. Just very frustrating.
Stampy Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 You have a similar story to many. The problem is one of two things: 1. Your lawyer doesnt have an effective plan for dealing with your file. Basically he just writes the odd letter, responds to communications etc. and bills you as he merrily goes along. This is pretty common amongst some lawyers (I'm a lawyer too). While the cheques are coming in, you keep working away. 2. There is absolutely nothing easy going on as to settling your affairs. No agreement. Lets be honest, without kids etc., your D should be a piece of cake. Seems as though you dont want to communicate w him, so you may have no options. Just remember he's probably paying as much as you are. Sometimes the best option is a chat on the side with the STBXH, but if thats not possible, not much to do. I had a chat w my STBXH about not easily resolving things. I pointed out that if I have to spend a ton on lawyer fees, then all those things I said I wouldnt pursue, I would actually pursue so that she would essentially be paying my legal fees. She smartened up really quickly. Good luck with it. Smart family lawyers have a great way to keep the cheques rolling in. They tell their clients exactly what they want to hear. I think it sucks, but the cheques keep rolling in, and when things dont work out, they blame the court. I have a friend who spent $25k on legal fees to get nowhere. Then solved it herself in a month
Sup Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 Jinxx, I can't remember if you started seeing OM before, or after the legal separation, Anyway, It's possible that he now knows what you had been up to. STBXH, may be dragging this out on purpose as you have stated. He could've found out from a friend of his that you don't know, an acquaintence of his, even people he works with could've seen you out and about with OM and told him. The OM may have told him. My point is, you may think he will NEVER know, but as they say: never say never.
Trialbyfire Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 I'm at around $15K for a number of reasons and the financial clock continues to tick...
mopar crazy Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 OUCH on these figures!!! When my WH filed for a D he wanted me to use his attorney to save on cost. Ummm, no way in he!!. We were M 11 years w/ 2 children, a house, 2 vehicles and tons of CC. My WH's attorney retainer fee was $1,500, mine was $750. Since we reconciled the M after a few months it was money just thrown down the toilet b/c of his stupidity. I ended up spending a little less than $1,000. The only time we went to court was for child suppost and alimony. Visitations hadn't come up but my H's lawyer brought it up to the judge. The judge said as far as he knew visitations were going ok. About a month or two we reconciled the M. I can't even begin to imagine how much more $ we would have shelled out if we would have gone through the D from what posters are saying here. $15,000!!!
azianpride143 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Mine so far has been only $1.5k + court filing fees. So far it's going smooth. Man I just can't believe how expensive and painful divorces are.
Author Jinxx Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Jinxx, I can't remember if you started seeing OM before, or after the legal separation, Anyway, It's possible that he now knows what you had been up to. STBXH, may be dragging this out on purpose as you have stated. He could've found out from a friend of his that you don't know, an acquaintence of his, even people he works with could've seen you out and about with OM and told him. The OM may have told him. My point is, you may think he will NEVER know, but as they say: never say never. MM was before my separation. That has been over for awhile though and I'm not interested in dating or meeting anyone new. Ex was suspicious before our separation but who knows. XMM would never tell him, that I know for sure. If anything, he was more afraid of getting caught than I was. Odd twist of fate -- STBEX was rushed to the hospital last week for internal bleeding. Almost killed him. He has nobody else but me (both of his sons have not once yet visited him) and it has been a real eye opener for both us. So who knows. Only time will tell but it looks like we might be a step close to not divorcing... at least for now.
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