SydneyHeart Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 This is not something I am tooooooo concerned about right now (given that I have a LOT more than this to be concerned about first) but I am really curious to hear what you guys (males and females!) think. So Hubby likes to claim he is a pig and has an ENORMOUS sex drive and if it wern't for (insert noun of choice here) he'd be on me like a bee on honey right this second. (This, of course is when we are not discussing getting a divorce ) BUT....he never follows though.... It suited me fine when the kids were really small. But I have my sex drive back now. I have even on occasion (gasp) tried to initiate some shenanigans! Each time he has fallen asleep or told me he was tired. I just realised today that it has been 6 weeks since the last time, and that is not uncommon. He never initiates at a time when he can follow through You are all going to tell me he is having an affair, aren't you? Excpet could you give me any other reasons - because it does seem pretty unlikely that he is. Here's the clincher: I was looking for the digital camera the other day and instead I found some porn - of women who look very very very different to me....should I be concerned about that? No.....not ethnically different. These women were enormous. I am just average size....
JackJack Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I'm not going to tell you he is having an affair, becasue he's probably not. But I wanna make sure I have it correctly. You feel that now since your sex drive back his is not? Just sounds like a deeper issue there that you both need to discuss. Maybe since your sex drive was off he got used to the porn. Porn should never be a substitute for a human body though. And if it is, then yes theres probably a problem. I suggest sitting down with him and having a heart to heart.
Jeffrey Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Looking at porn is one thing, finding on a digital camera is entirely different. Do you think he TOOK these pictures, or just using the camera to store them? Seems to be a pretty odd way to peruse or hide porn, on a camera that is.
Author SydneyHeart Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Sorry, obviously I was less than clear in my explanation / query! No, the porn was in the form of a couple of magazines in his bag. I was looking for the camera in his bag. No pics on the camera or anything like that! Secondly, I really have no issue with him looking at stuff like that in general. It doesn't even bother me. What I am wondering is should I be concerned that he is looking at women with physical attributes i don't share? Or is thats just part and parcel of fantasy?
Horse Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 a few ideas: - He could have over exaggerated his sex drive to feel/appear more masculine. It's kind of like guys who work in offices and drive big trucks. - If your sex drive was low and he was frustrated for a long time, he may have come to see you as less of a sexual person and more as friend and mother to his kids. - Maybe he is getting old. The big women porn is kind of weird, but to each their own I guess. It could be a joke (like he plans on putting in a buddies desk or something). It could be just that it is different and he likes the novelty.
JackJack Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Sorry, obviously I was less than clear in my explanation / query! No, the porn was in the form of a couple of magazines in his bag. I was looking for the camera in his bag. No pics on the camera or anything like that! Secondly, I really have no issue with him looking at stuff like that in general. It doesn't even bother me. What I am wondering is should I be concerned that he is looking at women with physical attributes i don't share? Or is thats just part and parcel of fantasy? Well it might just be part of a fantasy for him, BUT, if he is neglecting your needs sexually, then theres a deeper issue going on. You need to communicate to him how you feel and see if you can find out whats going on with him.
Author SydneyHeart Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Yep, there are certainly deeper issues - noone's denying that! Thanks for a few other ideas Horse. Guess there are no blokes out there who choose to look at porn of something they may not choose to actually have sex with that can shed some light?
Guest Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Yeah I looked at farm porn before when I first got the computer, but it doesn't mean I wanted to go do a horse. I know of a guy that has a skinny wife but he loves fat women porn, doesn't mean he wants to go do one. You say that the porn doesn't really bother you its the kind, then you need to point blank ask him yourself and see what he says. If you feel his answer is not really good enough for you, or doesn't add up, then it probably doesn't.
Enema Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I occasionally look at porn that I have no interest in making a reality. I don't think you should worry about the big-women stuff.
faithfulgirlie Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Just try going down on him for like 10 or 20 minutes, just because. Even if you want it, just don't bother. He'll be back before you know it.
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