MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I met a new man online and we are going on a date this weekend. We have exchanged pictures, lots of messages, and had two very long phone conversations. We are both very excited about meeting. There is one question in my mind about something we talked about, and I am not quite sure I understand. I will ask him about it, but I'd like some LS'ers opinions. Since I contacted him first, based on his profile, he said that I am pursuing him. I do alot of initial contact mainly because I don't have a picture on my profile and realize I am probably missing out on alot of hits I would normally get. Anyway, I feel like all my life I have been a boy chaser and for once it would be nice to have a guy pursue me. I wasn't too keen on his comment he made about "I'm going to sit back and enjoy this and let you go at your pace" and he said that after I made a comment about not rushing into anything. So while it sounds like everything else is mutual from our conversations, I'm just needing some clarification on his comment. He is not a jerky type, very sweet and caring. Although I have yet to learn alot more about him. Anyway, I think I can actually somehow let him "think" I am pursuing him, yet manipulate our roles so that in fact he is pursuing me. I don't believe in games, but I read Dr. Phil's Love Smart, and ALL the rules on dating say to play the waiting game, be unavailable, don't call all the time, and I believe that if I do this, he in fact will end up pursuing me. What do you think?
tanbark813 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 These two statements contradict each other: I don't believe in games, I think I can actually somehow let him "think" I am pursuing him, yet manipulate our roles so that in fact he is pursuing me. His statement was pretty lame but who gives a sh*t who pursues whom?
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 "I'm going to sit back and enjoy this and let you go at your pace" He is assuming that you are a sure thing because you are the chaser and he will just lay back and let you catch him.. Arrogance maybe...it might possible that he thinks so much of himself that he feels he is the prize when he is in the chased scenario.. Personally I would find out if he is even worth chasing before you get bothered about his comment..
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 I know Tanbark...that's part of my point. I don't like playing games and I'm not good at it, but all the books say to do it. 'm trying to say that even if he thinks I am pursuing him, he may very well end up pursuing me if I don't seem too eager. You are right, I don't think it matters who pursues who, especially since the feelings seem mutual between us so far. I think it might make a good topic for conversation on our first date. I did confirm that "sitting back and enjoying it" does Not mean he won't call. I do think there is nothing wrong with calling a guy if he asks me to call..actually what he said is "I'll call you tomorrow night, or you can call me if you get tired of waiting". And I truly honestly will be busy tonight, and that's also what the book says, don't just "say" your busy, "Get" busy. So I'm much too busy to call him tonight, but if he calls I'll definitely give him some of my time. I like the guy! I might even cancel the saturday date I have with another guy, I just don't feel good about that one and so NOT good at juggling!
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I did confirm that "sitting back and enjoying it" does Not mean he won't call. He might think he doesn't have to work for you or try very hard to win you over.. Or he might be trying to show his confidence in this manner.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 He is assuming that you are a sure thing because you are the chaser and he will just lay back and let you catch him.. Yeah I get the feeling he believes he is a good catch, and he very well may be but hey, so am I, and if he thinks I am a sure thing, then that is good, right? Personally I would find out if he is even worth chasing before you get bothered about his comment.. so true...prob with my luck he'll be a dud. But if not, baby he has his work cut out!
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 I just have to tell somebody! I'm really blown away by this guy. He is out of town today on business (flew there). He textd me this morning, and just text'd me now saying he's at the airport for 2 more hours. I almost text'd right back but .... with the pursuit on I'll just let him be nice and bored at the airport. Maybe I'll have to call an impromptu meeting with some staff to get me away from my phone
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 1. His remark was a joke. Very honest observation btw. He is maybe honest and cheeky but not an arrogant man. Your statement about "taking it slow" is more arrogant btw. 2. Once you start to play Hard to Get, Challenge etc. you will loose, both of you. Whole purpose of these games and rules is not to appear needy, clingy, desperate or obsessed. If you can control your emotions and not pushing too hard too early there is no reason for playing games. Another reason why these game works is, people start to be interested in winning the game....not you. Actually when you purposely avoid him, he gets it that you would make time if you wanted to. Its a turn off. Big catches dont play games....they are cheeky, tease you maybe etc. but go on dates, apologize when they are busy and suggest other dates. Dont hold your cards too close....he will eject. 3.Yes, if you want to be pursued just give him a hint "Im free next week ;)". Dont start to turn indifferent or cold. Remember 2 steps forward, one step back. When you strat running to or away....you make a mess in his head and then in yours. Big catches dont play power games. Who is bigger prize, who is pursuing who etc. Dont go there. Its higway to lonely nights watching Diary of Bridget Jones.
tanbark813 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I know Tanbark...that's part of my point. I don't like playing games and I'm not good at it, but all the books say to do it. 'm trying to say that even if he thinks I am pursuing him, he may very well end up pursuing me if I don't seem too eager. You are right, I don't think it matters who pursues who, especially since the feelings seem mutual between us so far. I think it might make a good topic for conversation on our first date. I did confirm that "sitting back and enjoying it" does Not mean he won't call. I do think there is nothing wrong with calling a guy if he asks me to call..actually what he said is "I'll call you tomorrow night, or you can call me if you get tired of waiting". And I truly honestly will be busy tonight, and that's also what the book says, don't just "say" your busy, "Get" busy. So I'm much too busy to call him tonight, but if he calls I'll definitely give him some of my time. I like the guy! I might even cancel the saturday date I have with another guy, I just don't feel good about that one and so NOT good at juggling! Ahh, okay. Well just play it cool and as long as things are roughly 50/50 then you're probably good to go, IMHO.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 1. His remark was a joke. Very honest observation btw. He is maybe honest and cheeky but not an arrogant man. Your statement about "taking it slow" is more arrogant btw. 2. Once you start to play Hard to Get, Challenge etc. you will loose, both of you. Whole purpose of these games and rules is not to appear needy, clingy, desperate or obsessed. If you can control your emotions and not pushing too hard too early there is no reason for playing games. Another reason why these game works is, people start to be interested in winning the game....not you. Actually when you purposely avoid him, he gets it that you would make time if you wanted to. Its a turn off. Big catches dont play games....they are cheeky, tease you maybe etc. but go on dates, apologize when they are busy and suggest other dates. Dont hold your cards too close....he will eject. 3.Yes, if you want to be pursued just give him a hint "Im free next week ;)". Dont start to turn indifferent or cold. Remember 2 steps forward, one step back. When you strat running to or away....you make a mess in his head and then in yours. Big catches dont play power games. Who is bigger prize, who is pursuing who etc. Dont go there. Its higway to lonely nights watching Diary of Bridget Jones. I pretty much agree with you. Maybe what I always thought were games by other people, when I try it it's more controlling my impulses to be too eager, and that's good, right? It's not arrogant that I am not in a rush, it's because I am only a month out of an 11 month relationship, and do not want to send the wrong signals that one date means I'm in relationship mode. Well, I guess I will text him back now *giggle*
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Ugh! This guy is a total wimp. I wouldn't have anything to do with him. You shouldn't be talking about who is calling who, pursuing who, etc. He is the MAN (but apparently he isn't, lol). When he said "I am going to sit back and enjoy this." That is the same as him saying "I like being a woman. I don't know how to be a man." I would be all about "next!" with him.
alphamale Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I do alot of initial contact mainly because I don't have a picture on my profile and realize I am probably missing out on alot of hits I would normally get. lets me tell u something MWC_LBA40.... a few days ago i posted a fake ad on a site with initial of CL. It was women seeking man ad. I put a pic of a moderately attractive woman on it and a short description. In two hours I had 20+ responses. I had to delete ad cause of large # of responses. Imagine if i would have left it up for 2 or 3 days! I don't believe in games, but I read Dr. Phil's Love Smart, and ALL the rules on dating say to play the waiting game, be unavailable, don't call all the time, and I believe that if I do this, he in fact will end up pursuing me. If he's attracted he will pursue...if he's not he won't. The only other scenario is if he is attracted but extremely shy/introverted in which case you'll have to take the reins.
Lezbean Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Don't play games. Seriously. How would you like it if you knew he was playing games with you? I have never played games with my Honeypie and it's the most wonderful, fulfilling relationship I have ever had. Just don't chase him down like a crazy lady and you should be fine. Games are stupid. You haven't even met him in person yet.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Yeah alpha? How did you get my pic Anyway, after 6 hours of phone conversations, we are meeting for dinner tonight and if all goes well we are going to a hockey game tomorrow night. I'm very excited, but also not going to chase. So far the all around attraction seems to be very mutual. We've talked about everything under the sun - yes, including sex! And we both know it's not going to happen this weekend. (that darn Auntie Flo just won't stay away, but probably a blessing in disguise because I have very little self control, and I think most guys do too, well except for one I dated on and off last year, okay I am rambling now...) I'll let you know how it goes!
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 Ohhh myyyy gawwwwd He is the best looking hottest drop dead gorgeous guy (in my eyes) I have ever dated!!!! Now I am so intimidated, I was sooo nervous...we laughed about that but I hope he couldn't see how nervous I reallly was. I have to try and stay calm, and NOT be boring Oh god oh god oh god!!! We had fun, had dinner and then it was early so we went to a movie. (I even bought the popcorn). Should I have offered to pay for the movie? Doh! I always think of these things after. I almost forgot to thank him! jeez I can be a retard sometimes. We are going out today to a hockey game, he has tickets, so I will offer to buy the drinks and something to eat after. I would really like to continue seeing him but I'm so scared that he is out of my league ... I am very shy and he is very much a people person....I just don't want to blow it!!! Any suggestions for me for this afternoon/evening??? I sound like I'm 16 LOL not 40-something!
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