LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 So after the longest dry spell ever in my life, I suddenly have like 2 or 3 guys that I'm talking to/ hanging out with. It usually doesn't happen with me this way...I normally just date one guy at a time because that's just how they happen to come into my life. One guy is one that I've actually known for many years, and is going to a wedding with me in a couple of weeks. He was hitting me hardcore the other night. But he actually has a girlfriend that he apparently is on the verge of breaking up with, except he lives in her house so I think the delay has to do with having a roof over his head. So I'll have a great time with him, but I'm not expecting it to turn out as a serious thing... There's a couple other guys I just started talking with online a few days ago, they are very cute and seem to be a lot of fun, and I'm anticipating meeting them soon. Another guy is one that I met just the other night by chance, and we had loads in common and hung all night together and had a blast. There is definitely potential for a serious thing there. But my question is, if I start dating all these guys, what and when do I tell them? I want to be honest about the fact that I'm at my dating peak and looking for Mr. Right, so I must leave my options open. Is this something I should clear up on the 1st date, or wait until it's brought up in conversation? How do I explain myself without sounding like a "slut"? I do not intend to be sleeping with them all or anything. Maybe 1, but not all!! What does a guy think of a woman who tells him this? From my experience, most men are pretty straight forward themselves, and will let you know if they aren't ready for an exclusive thing. But of course, if one of the guys just unexpectedly blows my mind and it's a no-brainer kind of thing, I would definitely drop the rest.
blind_otter Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Just be real and honest about the fact that you are seeing more than one man. Everyone respects honesty, regardless of whether it's expressed in the dating arena or in other aspects of life.
Author LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Thanks. Ok...but do I just voluntarily start explaining this or should I leave it alone until the guy brings it up or until a relationship might heat up?
2ndIINone Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 How do I explain myself without sounding like a "slut"? :laugh: You can't. I think the average self-respecting guy would be turned off by it. Personally, I have way too much selfrespect... so if a woman told me she was dating myself and a half dozen other guys.... then I wouldn't give her the time of day. I'm not the type to date more then one person at a time, therefore I wouldn't settle for a woman that would do that to me.
Author LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Well I"m not dating "half a dozen". But I have like 3 guys interested in me right now. And it's way too soon to pick one and stick with it because there hasn't been near enough interaction with them all yet. If I make it clear that none of them are steady, serious or sexual, I don't see how that makes me sound like a bad person. You might be an exception but I know for a fact that many men date the same way, usually. So how can it be wrong for women to do it too? Plus, it isn't as though I have this way on purpose. It happens to be raining men and they all deserve a chance. I've never seen myself as the type to have a few guys like me at the same time, and I have a right to be picky, so I don't see why I shouldn't enjoy it and hope it leads to a rare thing like love. Every time I just date one guy, it never seems to work out, then I'm stuck in the cold for months before another one comes along. So this is exciting for me. It's no different than that reality show with the Bachelor or Bachlorette when they get to date like 20 people until they eventually just want one.
a4a Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I wouldn't tell them unless they ask. You are just dating them - not exclusive. Are you boinkin' all 3 of them? Have fun....... no need to put a damper on things yet.
tanbark813 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Well I"m not dating "half a dozen". But I have like 3 guys interested in me right now. And it's way too soon to pick one and stick with it because there hasn't been near enough interaction with them all yet. If I make it clear that none of them are steady, serious or sexual, I don't see how that makes me sound like a bad person. You might be an exception but I know for a fact that many men date the same way, usually. So how can it be wrong for women to do it too? Plus, it isn't as though I have this way on purpose. It happens to be raining men and they all deserve a chance. I've never seen myself as the type to have a few guys like me at the same time, and I have a right to be picky, so I don't see why I shouldn't enjoy it and hope it leads to a rare thing like love. Every time I just date one guy, it never seems to work out, then I'm stuck in the cold for months before another one comes along. So this is exciting for me. It's no different than that reality show with the Bachelor or Bachlorette when they get to date like 20 people until they eventually just want one. If you're so sure of how things "should" be then why haven't you told the guys yet? The reality is that, regardless of how you think things "should" be, some guys will be bothered by it and some won't. Personally, I wouldn't bring it up unless I were asked, or until "the talk" was brought up with one of them.
VinaAmez Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Until your exclusive you can date anyone like they can. Don't end up with all 3 wanting to be exclusive. Probably not a good idea to come right out and tell him your dating a couple of other guys. You can if you want but don't come off as slut material.
Author LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 If you're so sure of how things "should" be then why haven't you told the guys yet? The reality is that, regardless of how you think things "should" be, some guys will be bothered by it and some won't. Personally, I wouldn't bring it up unless I were asked, or until "the talk" was brought up with one of them. Well Tan, one of the guys probably doesn't even care either way, cuz he still has a girlfriend himself. The other guys are so new that conversation hasn't even gotten serious enough to talk about each other's dating lives yet. But I've decided I won't even bother with it unless it does come up in conversation. If it gets to the point where I'm discussing exclusive with someone, then I'll obviously want to stick with just him and drop the others anyway...
2ndIINone Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 So how can it be wrong for women to do it too?I didn't say it was wrong... OR right... I just gave you my personal opinion. That's pretty much how I was raised. Besides... I don't like hurting people. What if I was dating A...B and C... I Really liked A, but B really liked me.... and B started getting emotionally attached... as I was getting emotionally attached to A.... OOPS! forgot I have a date with C, but I don't really like C, so I have to break a date with B, for a date with A, hurting both B and C.... NOW, B and C are gonna pursue me even harder because I'm displaying NO interest in either.... they won't stop calling me... "God they're sooo nice, they're annoying me".... I break off things with both B and C.... hurt them both, then get serious and sleep with A.... two months later, find out A was a big sneak who had 3 other boyfriends on the side and was sleeping with all three AND me.... OMG! Genital Herpes?????????????? You gave me what???????????? Hmmm.... should've stuck with B.... or maybe C.... but then again... look at D~ she's fiiiiiine as hell. Ya see? Way too much confusion for me..... relationships are enough problems and drama just dating one person, therefore I could never add two more people to the mix.
Author LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 There isn't much room for drama if I'm not sleeping with any of them, which I'm not! And if I don't really like "A" or "B" or whatever, I won't keep dating them anyway, weather I have someone else or not. I don't string people along. I haven't dated any of these guys enough yet to know how much I like them at all nor do they know if they like me or not. It isn't even like I'm dating them, it's more like just "talking" to them. I hung out with one of them once, that's it. And the wedding date, like I said, is just that and nothing more at this point. He has a girlfriend so I'm not worried about him "getting hurt". And I've sord of been friends with him for years anyway, so I'd doubt he's going to leave his GF for me or anything. I understand what your saying, but I think your taking my idea into the context that I want to steadily maintain and have dating relationships with all of these men. That's not the case...I just think I deserve to date them all at least once to see which ones I may or may not want to continue with. If it turns out I really like them all, then obviously I have to make a choice. No one will have been strung along at that point. I just think I should be honest, if asked, that I have more than one guy interested in me at the moment. I think it would sound funny on a 1st date to say, "no, I"m not seeing anyone else, just you baby!". I'm just talking about one date with each guy to see what they are like. It isn't something I could let go on much longer than that, cuz I don't I don't have time for that anyway!
2ndIINone Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I understand what your saying, but I think your taking my idea into the context that I want to steadily maintain and have dating relationships with all of these men.guess I misread your title then.... "How do you juggle" my mistake.
Author LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 guess I misread your title then.... "How do you juggle" my mistake. It sounded good.
DanielMadr Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Make up your mind fast. To know one person is difficult. To know three is extremely difficult. You cant focus and you have conscience issues already. You wont be on your best then. It will take time and a lot of shuffling and you start loosing them, cause of mixed signals. I can say you loose the best one of them first. Make up your mind quick. If you want to juggle....dont tell them. Nobody wants to hear that he is plan B.
Davis Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 What should you do? Enjoy it!! You're dating. That means you're going out with other people. 1 guy with the gf may not work out and who knows with the two other guys. I think if you keep it casual and don't let things get too involved with any of them, you shouldn't have to explain. As long as you're not misleading any of them or purposely stringing them along, dating is, well, dating. I probably wouldn't offer an upfront explanation, I don't think it's necessary. Now if you start going out with one of them or more for several weeks, you probably should start to explain the situation. If they ask in the early stages, it's really not any of their business, so I would just say you're getting to know "him" and you'll see where it goes. By the way, I would probably continue meeting others guys including the internet. In a month you could be back on a dry spell and that hardly will help you in finding a guy that you want to be with.
Author LoveLace Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks Davis I agree with you. I think I'm just doing what is considered actively dating. And I completely agree that at this point it is none of their business if I've been talking to someone else, nor is it my business if they are getting to know another woman. But if we really start to like each other, it will be necessary to discuss the relationship eventually. And I've only talked to the internet guys on the phone so far. I haven't met them yet. And sometimes, even if pictures are flattering, it doesn't mean they are flattering in person, etc, or things are just way different or too awkward once you meet. I actually have a better chance of having another dry spell soon, than I probably do with getting a steady boyfriend out of the deal!! Well I don't want to be pessimistic...just don't want to get my hopes up too much either. thanks for all advice.
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