SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Little background..I've been talking to this guy on and off for 5 months now and he hasnt tried anything physical with me. Told him I wasnt into casual sex. I cant figure out if this guy is into me or not. I saw him weekend before last when he invited me out in a group setting. Anyhow, I initiated the following text conversation yesterday: me: hey, you know what I was just sitting here thinking about? him: me naked me: lol...no pretty close though...just thinking you need to kiss me pretty darn soon. Oh and I had a dream about you the other night... him: Wow! U R amazing! Y should I kiss you? me: why on earth would you not want to? Why should I let you? him: because your horny and you want me me: wow...at a lost for words at this point.. him: you should be at a lost for words. i just pulled your card. me: dont understand? what do you mean? me: guess you see this as a game when the reality is that I dont want to get hurt. I'm not playing any games on my side. no response from him at that point. The purpose me initiating that conversation was to give him the "O.K." that I am open to other things, just not ready to have sex with him yet. Last week, he sent me a request to add me as his instant message buddy on Yahoo. So the only way he communicates with me is through text and instant messaging. Sometimes he says he going to call and never does. So what does everybody think?
laRubiaBonita Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 he wants in your pants. he will keep disappearing and reappearing to keep your interest.... but he really wants to F**k you. do not waste your texts on him.
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Little background..I've been talking to this guy on and off for 5 months now and he hasnt tried anything physical with me. Told him I wasnt into casual sex. I cant figure out if this guy is into me or not. I saw him weekend before last when he invited me out in a group setting. Anyhow, I initiated the following text conversation yesterday: me: hey, you know what I was just sitting here thinking about? him: me naked me: lol...no pretty close though...just thinking you need to kiss me pretty darn soon. Oh and I had a dream about you the other night... him: Wow! U R amazing! Y should I kiss you? me: why on earth would you not want to? Why should I let you? him: because your horny and you want me me: wow...at a lost for words at this point.. him: you should be at a lost for words. i just pulled your card. me: dont understand? what do you mean? me: guess you see this as a game when the reality is that I dont want to get hurt. I'm not playing any games on my side. no response from him at that point. The purpose me initiating that conversation was to give him the "O.K." that I am open to other things, just not ready to have sex with him yet. Last week, he sent me a request to add me as his instant message buddy on Yahoo. So the only way he communicates with me is through text and instant messaging. Sometimes he says he going to call and never does. So what does everybody think? Girls assume guys are horny about them and use it as a card. He used it against you. Clever guy and funny 5 months mostly on internet? How old are you? He plays it safe. He knows once he tells you 'Im really into you and I will never leave you' you will leave him;) 1. b/c his prize would go down 2. b/c it is the biggest lie
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 he wants in your pants. he will keep disappearing and reappearing to keep your interest.... but he really wants to F**k you. do not waste your texts on him. Every guy who likes you wants in your pants honey. It is part of love, unless you live in Disney Fairy Tale. So you have to find other signals whether he wants ONS or LTR. Btw how could he want LTR if he doesnt even know if you want to sleep with him?
LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Over the last 5 months, how often have you 2 actually hung out? Or has the relationship been occurring more through chatting and texting? For one thing, it shouldn't be acceptable for him to promise to call and then not do it. Do not text him anymore. Do not respond to his texts. Don't be available for chatting with him online. His last attempt will have to be to call you. If he asks what is up with that, just say your text messaging is running up your bill too much. And your computer hasn't been working right, or some B.S. like that. It doesn't sound like he's taking you too seriously, though. It sounds as though he doesn't even want to bother kissing you unless you give an indication that you will go further with it. I don't think he's respecting the fact that you aren't into casual sex and that you will only engage in it with someone you are serious about..correct? He's hoping you'll change your ways for him. If he kisses you, though, remind him again at that point that you will only date him if you take it slow.
Author SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 no Daniel the internet thing just started last week. This is the same guy I posted about few days ago (last week sometime..) The post were you and Bridget Jones got into it? You wrote quite a few comments on that one, this is the same guy....If you go back to the original post, he already told me that he really liked me and that he didnt want me to think he was full of Sh*t and so he wanted to apologize face to face for dissapearing the first time. So are you guys basically saying that he never really liked me from the jump and all he wanted was sex anyways? Why would a guy go through all of this just to get in my pants when he could have (and probably is having..) any girl he wants?
Author SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 no Daniel the internet thing just started last week. This is the same guy I posted about few days ago (last week sometime..) The post were you and Bridget Jones got into it? You wrote quite a few comments on that one, this is the same guy....If you go back to the original post, he already told me that he really liked me and that he didnt want me to think he was full of Sh*t and so he wanted to apologize face to face for dissapearing the first time. And I told him a couple of months back that he was starting to make me think the only thing he wanted was sex. (because he always makes sexual jokes like guys always do, but he never tries anything) And he said "No, thats not the only thing I want. I'm not that type of guy and I'm very particular about sex and my reasons for laying down with a girl." So are you guys basically saying that he never really liked me from the jump and all he wanted was sex anyways? Why would a guy go through all of this just to get in my pants when he could have (and probably is having..) any girl he wants?
2sunny Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 have you ever considered that he may be taken - or married? seems he is unusually distant and not available in person as much as an available guys would be. also not many phone calls = maybe he can't because someone will find out or is tracking him. i have a hunch he is unavailable - but just playing with you on the side to stroke his ego. JMO
Author SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Over the last 5 months, how often have you 2 actually hung out? Or has the relationship been occurring more through chatting and texting? For one thing, it shouldn't be acceptable for him to promise to call and then not do it. Do not text him anymore. Do not respond to his texts. Don't be available for chatting with him online. His last attempt will have to be to call you. If he asks what is up with that, just say your text messaging is running up your bill too much. And your computer hasn't been working right, or some B.S. like that. It doesn't sound like he's taking you too seriously, though. It sounds as though he doesn't even want to bother kissing you unless you give an indication that you will go further with it. I don't think he's respecting the fact that you aren't into casual sex and that you will only engage in it with someone you are serious about..correct? He's hoping you'll change your ways for him. If he kisses you, though, remind him again at that point that you will only date him if you take it slow. In the past five months....approximently.....about 7 or 8 times and its always in group settings. Only one of those times was just the two of us. It started off with daily phone calls for the first two months and then dwindled to once a week and then dwindled to text and instant messaging with a random call just whenever.....
laRubiaBonita Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 So are you guys basically saying that he never really liked me from the jump and all he wanted was sex anyways? Why would a guy go through all of this just to get in my pants when he could have (and probably is having..) any girl he wants? i would not say he does not like you, but there is a thrill in a chase, especially if one can attain the once-thought unattainable.....
tanbark813 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 In the past five months....approximently.....about 7 or 8 times and its always in group settings. Only one of those times was just the two of us. It started off with daily phone calls for the first two months and then dwindled to once a week and then dwindled to text and instant messaging with a random call just whenever..... It sounds like he just lost interest for whatever reason. If he was into you he would have tried something by now.
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 It sounds like he just lost interest for whatever reason. If he was into you he would have tried something by now. That whatever reason is probably very slow progress.
Max Overclock Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 He's cocky, funny, and easy to talk to. Daniel is right in that by "playing it cool" he's keeping you interested, not being overbearing and building anticipation. Lovelace, I cannot agree with the negativity in your post. Yes, he may well want to be with her sexually. Thank heavens. He's straight and wants physical intimacy with a woman. Don't hate what's really great. She is in control of herself, and can make her decisions. Why not turn it up a notch or two, Southern (sex not necessary in the "turning it up a notch" idea.) There are non-sexual ways to amplify a guy's desire too, without needing to have intercourse with him. Then, you'll be more able to judge his desire. Max
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 no Daniel the internet thing just started last week. This is the same guy I posted about few days ago (last week sometime..) The post were you and Bridget Jones got into it? You wrote quite a few comments on that one, this is the same guy....If you go back to the original post, he already told me that he really liked me and that he didnt want me to think he was full of Sh*t and so he wanted to apologize face to face for dissapearing the first time. So are you guys basically saying that he never really liked me from the jump and all he wanted was sex anyways? Why would a guy go through all of this just to get in my pants when he could have (and probably is having..) any girl he wants? How much is he interested? Who knows? Take him on lie detector or something. Sometimes I love a girl and email her every day. Sometimes I eject for half a year. Someimes b/c of Im busy, burnt, lazy, sick, too much in love, confused, insecure....I dont know. It doesnt matter. Please stop analyzing it. It gets you nowhere....you only start to be inconsistent with him. Be yourself. Meet him and trust your gut. Live and dont worry so much.
LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I sord of agree with Tan, it sounds like his interest has declined some for whatever reason, while your own interest has grown. You should lay off a lot on the texting, etc, and make him chase you/call you. If he still doesn't do so, then he lost interest or perhaps has found someone else. If you two hadn't even kissed yet, he's still been on the market all along. He might have someone who he's just not serious with yet so he sees the text conversations with you as just a little game he likes to play...maybe to keep you hanging on a little in case it doesn't work out with a new gal. No matter what, you should definitely discontinue any initiation of contact with him.
sunshinegirl Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Based only on your text msg exchange, with no other context to go on, you sound...well...desperate, and he sounds...well...uninterested. Sorry to put it that bluntly. If he was interested in you, wouldn't he jump on the opportunity to kiss you? I don't know, it seems like a lot of teasing/push-pull/he's-not-transparent-about-what-he-wants stuff which would drive me, personally, mad. If I were him, I might also think you're sending mixed messages. You're not into casual sex, but now you want him to kiss you and you allude to him being in some dream. Your txts are kind of provocative...he could think you're teasing him. Above all, though, you don't seem to have spent much time with this guy and much of this stuff seems to be playing out over electronic media. That is a bad idea, IMHO. Forget the cute texts. Spend time with him in person.
Author SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Why not turn it up a notch or two, Southern (sex not necessary in the "turning it up a notch" idea.) There are non-sexual ways to amplify a guy's desire too, without needing to have intercourse with him. Then, you'll be more able to judge his desire. Max Turn it up a notch how? I thought I was doing that by asking for a kiss. I dont get it? And mind you, I've never dated. My first relationship was straight out of highschool into college and it lasted 5 years. Until now, I never knew that it was going to be such a "game" just to hopefully end up with somebody who is genuinley into you.
Author SouthernT Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Based only on your text msg exchange, with no other context to go on, you sound...well...desperate, and he sounds...well...uninterested. Sorry to put it that bluntly. If I were him, I might also think you're sending mixed messages. You're not into casual sex, but now you want him to kiss you and you allude to him being in some dream. Your txts are kind of provocative...he could think you're teasing him. Whats wrong with asking for a kiss? That doesnt have ANYTHING to do with sex. Are you saying there is no reason to kiss a person unless you are going to have sex with them? Come on? And I havent said anything in a text that he hasnt already said to me me initially....
LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I think the guy just doesn't see the point in kissing because you have basically told him that you only have sex if it gets serious. And he doesn't want to get serious, therefore he doesn't see the point in kissing you. When a guy thinks of kissing he thinks of how it might LEAD to sex, so like sunshine girl said, he sees your asking him to kiss you as teasing. However, if you asked him to kiss you in person or if you just started kissing him, I'm sure he'd kiss back but would expect sex shortly after. It just sounds like sex might have been his only real intentions from the beginning. After a while he started to feel he wasn't getting anywhere with you, so he lost interest. My guess is you saw it as going slow, but it doesn't sound like he wants to go slow and develop a meaningful thing like you do. If he did, he'd be acting way more into you, and you probably wouldn't even have to be asking him to kiss you.
kepners Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 staight up, sound like he has someone tracking him and he's lost the interest! big time. that fact he turned the convo round after 5month for me is not a good sign. i do that when i am not interested! not when i want a woman! if a woman i like says those things i am on to it! blokes are not stupid with obvious signs like that. you stop contact with him, if he comes back then play hard ball. if he dont then dont bother. my 2pence worth K
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 He's not that into you or he would have asked you out by now. A man who is interested in you doesn't go on and off communication with you like that for several months without asking you out...on a date. Also...I honestly think he could be gay. This is how guys act who want his friends and the outside world to see him as straight, so that's what the texting, etc. is about. But...he needs to just be honest w/himself and come out of the closet. I'm sorry he did this to you, it's really not fair when gay men do this to straight women just so their covers won't be blown off (no pun intended.) Just woman-to-woman being honest with you here.
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 He isn't gay. Ignore this lesbian poster....
Vera_Louise Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I know you are, but what am I??? Plus...how do you know this guy might not be gay? You don't know him personally.
LoveLace Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I don't think any of us really know enough information to say weather or not he's gay OR straight. He COULD be gay, but you can say that about anyone you don't know enough about. We definitely don't have enough info on this guy to judge him as gay, just because he uses text messaging? I don't think so. All we know about this guy is that he's not into this chick. It doesn't mean he's gay and it actually doesn't even prove that he's straight. But more than likely, he's straight, and he has another girl in his life giving him head or whatever it is the OP was not giving him.
Recommended Posts