WonderWater Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I find my visits to this site very phasic (Is that even a word? :-) ) I will spend 1-2 months religiously reading this forum, gaining so much strength knowing that other people are experiencing the same emotions, struggles, turmoil that I am. And then I will disappear for a month at a time. Click on my profile to see previous posts if you want to find out the whole story. Things have progressed/changed since then. For me, my divorce is well on its way. My house is sold. My soon-to-be-ex has found himself a new home. I have found myself a rental home, since the last thing I want is to be tied down to a piece of property right now. I have good days and bad days. I wake up some mornings ready to start life over. I wake up some mornings shaking in terror about how I am going to survive, and still be strong for my daughter. My husband found out the "depth" of the affair. He had thought that it was just some harmless flirting and a couple of kisses. He had no idea of the motel visits, or the trips together, etc... That reveal was the most difficult night of my life. He was completely willing to forgive me and move on. But, I couldn't. I need to end the marriage and get on. He needs to find someone who will love him in a way that I am no longer capable of doing. My MM is a different story. He told me that he loved me. I don't love him romantically - I never can. He hurt me too much. But, I love him as a human being. But, he still doesn't want to be with me. He tells me that I am everything he wants in a woman, but it isn't enough. Then something happened.... In one week's time, he found himself an apartment and made plans to move out. So, he went through a horrible two days of pain and emotional struggle and then gave up. He can't leave his wife. He "loves" her too much. What's the kicker? She has no clue about the affair. He said he was going to tell her, but then that would destroy any chance he had a reconciling with her. So, he went back to her open arms with a lie in his heart. He is a lying, cheating jerk. His wife doesn't deserve that. I have had to supress the urge so many times to not call her or send her email. That is not my place. He should be the man and tell her. Life is funny sometimes --- I may have done the wrong thing in the past by having the affair, but I feel that by telling my husband everything, by freeing him to find someone to love him for him, that I have done the right thing and started on the road to forgiveness. But, I will be alone now, and with my daughter for only 50% of her life. I will struggle everyday of my life to make ends meet, and probably end up with a 2nd job. My MM --- still living a lie, still prodding me for sex, or other little favors. Still desperately hiding it from his wife so that he can keep stringing her along. What does he have - the beautiful home, tons of money to play with, and no children to have to worry about breaking their hearts. Yeah, life's funny.
torranceshipman Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Great post - remember in those hard times that you can be proud of yourself for facing up to your mistakes, for facing up to your responsibilities and telling the truth, and that you can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you see...well done - much respect to you for doing it...I think the majority of people in your situation don't have the backbone that you do. Of course it was a hideous thing to have an A in the 1st place but the point is, you made things right by having enough respect for your husband to let him go, and to find the right woman who could make him happy. As for your exMM, what a pathetic loser...he might have those material things that you currently don't, but he knows he's a sad loser - lazy and incapable of action, or of facing up to any kind of consequence of his actions...the guy is a mess and I'd get someone that negative and sleazy out of your life pronto.
PoshPrincess Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Well done, Wonderwater. You should be VERY proud of yourself for changing a bad situation. You were unhappy but you didn't carry on cheating. You have moved on. Your MM on the other hand is gutless. He does not have the courage of his convictions. If he LOVES his W so much then what was he doing having an affair with you? Keep up the good work. We are always here for you to vent when the going gets tough. You are staying strong and I am sure when your daughter grows up she will be very proud of you. I don't see my son all the time although he lives mainly with me (70% maybe) but I know I did the right thing by leaving his Dad - for all of us. I know his Dad wasn't happy about the split to begin with - he never wanted to be a part-time father - but we are all much happier now. My son doesn't know any different anyway but now my ex does realise that it was the right decision for all concerned. We have both met other people and can give our son a happier life independently of each other than we would have done if we had stayed together.
Sup Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 WW, did your hubby find out about A, or did you tell him? I feel for your daughter. At least you're letting your husband go, that's a start. He'll be able to move on, to heal in time. Why not tell his wife, why should she live a lie, this is partly his responsibility, on his end.
Jinxx Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Life is funny sometimes --- I may have done the wrong thing in the past by having the affair, but I feel that by telling my husband everything, by freeing him to find someone to love him for him, that I have done the right thing and started on the road to forgiveness. But, I will be alone now, and with my daughter for only 50% of her life. I will struggle everyday of my life to make ends meet, and probably end up with a 2nd job. Oh I can so relate!!! Although I never told my husband (and never will), he has moved on quite nicely. We are divorcing. I say good for him! He deserves better than what I could give although there are time I want so bad to go back to my old lifestyle. Like you, I am alone. For how long - to be determined. My focus right now are my children. I also have have a second job. I don't need it but I love the distraction. Give it a go. Especially if you find work in outside related hobby you have. It is well worth it and a lot of fun.
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